Katch, luv, I'm so sorry. I popped in and out a few times while doing research for a paper I have to write (10-14 pages) for next Thursday. We love you sweetie, please stay... I need my Auntie *snuggles*
Helen I'm sorry you're having such a time of it. Stress is a bear. *hugs*
Emma, luv, I'm sorry you feel so used and at the end of your rope. *snuggles* you are such a support for so many and that gets tiering after a while. Please just take some Emma time... Even if it's just laying in bed staring at the ceiling (not very productive but I do it a lot *shrug*). Take care hun.
-----------------
Therapy SUCKED. For some reason, after asking about suicidal thoughts, cutting, and alcohol use, he started talking about guilt. Ok, not too bad, I already know I do guilt really well. Some how we got to graduation and what I was going to do after that... We talked about that for a while and then he asked me how it was for me in that moment. I told him I was a little on edge. When asked why I said it was because I don't like talking about graduation. That was really only part of it, something that irritated what was really beneath it. I wanted to tell him but I didn't. Finally I just told him. I am done. Just done. I can't explain it more than that. I'm just done... It's really rather matter of fact. The upsetting part is that, while I'm done... I'm really not. I'm still alive... And at this point I'm medicated well enough that I'm not sure I could kill myself. I even told him I wished I could stop taking my meds so I'd feel worse and be able to do it. It's just not fair. I am DONE!!! Why can't my life be over?
All that and I didn't wind up in hospital... I think maybe I should be though but there's no way I'm gonna tell anyone that (other than you lovely people).
*collapses in her corner and sobs* thank God I can cry in here because in real life I would love to... But can't
I'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I'm out of control, and at times hard to handle, but if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.
~ Marilyn Monroe
Oh and Jess, you can be in my famile...if you want...
I'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I'm out of control, and at times hard to handle, but if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.
~ Marilyn Monroe
I'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I'm out of control, and at times hard to handle, but if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.
~ Marilyn Monroe
I'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I'm out of control, and at times hard to handle, but if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.
~ Marilyn Monroe
(((((Sorry everyone)))))
I will be back tomorrow - I'm thinking of you all though and hope you forgive me for getting upset. Thta's how it has always been in my real life and the thought of it being the same on here really scares me - i'm not confident - ever - and since actually sharing my story even though I am feeling a bit better I am so scared that I am going to suddenly fall so very hard and be totally lost in the pain and never be able to get up again. - Really sorry. Love you all and you mean so much to me.
Loneliness with or without people, a feeling that comes from inside
Unable to show your true feelings, Unaware of the things that you hide
A life built around a pretending, feeling things that you think you should feel
A life unaware of it’s ending – is there a chance it could ever turn real?
My Lovely Daughters: Reason[TO]Believe, Bound by Thoughts, and Kija. My Little Sisters: Automatik Teknicolour and Pomegranate. My Big Sister: Lil-Princess. My Neice: forever_lost*
I'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I'm out of control, and at times hard to handle, but if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.
~ Marilyn Monroe
Katch sweetheart, its ok to get upset. I think everyone is having abit of a tough time at the moment but no one is ignoring you or anything..I'm certainly not!!
Even if you do fall down...we are here to help pick you up. Please take care of yourself.
Talk to you soon
Alexx
xxxxx
Katch, take care of yourself
Talk to you soon *massive hugs*
xxxxx
I am not perfect and I don't claim to be. And if that's what you wanted, well I am so sorry... So mighty, so hegemonic, so hating, so desecrating, so there, so nowhere, so hurting, we fall between indifference, rejection...
~*forever_lost*~; my RYL cousin. Hells; my RYL niece. Katch; my RYL big sister. Voice Of Reason; my everything.
I am fearing for a friend's safety, I think her relationship with her boyf is getting abusive =( Dunno what to do.
Is there no way you could maybe talk to her? ask her whats going on?
Maybe she doesn't realise...(i know how easy it can be to not realise a relationship is harmful to you) Just be there for her hunni....be open and there whenever she needs you...thats all you can do really
*hugs*
Yeah I remember...I miss her...I'm...not sure how I'm doing...I'm trying? Yeah. That's what I keep saying. I'm trying I'm trying. And failing. And trying. And failing s'more.
*tries to curl up even smaller*
Just want it all to go away....
i know honey i miss her too (i moved away). i will say hi to her from you. i will tell her you are still here and still talking and still trying, ok?
take care
Even as the stone of the fruit must break
that its heart may stand in the sun,
so must you know pain.
There are only two ways in which one can live their life. One is as though nothing is a miracle, the other is as though everything is.
hi everyone.
this damn time difference makes it hard to reply to everyone, there's always about 5 pages and i DO read it but its just hard to keep up.
ally, have you had exam yet? if so how did it go?
susan im glad your friend will be ok.
katch, im sorry you are feeling a bit, left out? its just difficult to keep up.....hope you are feeling better today.
helen and alexx, how goes?
emma, i wish everyone would leave me alone too and stop needing me to pass stupid exams like chemistry. please stay safe honey.
*hugs to all*
-----------------
I feel awful today. there is nobody to talk to out of the 3 people i know at uni, they are all frantically studying for exams and dont want to talk. i should be revising, hell i should be at lectures, but i just cant. i hate that academic stuff is so important where really it means **** all, it doesnt matter, ts not whats important in life.
the only things that matter are the people you love, and being with them and having fun but i cant do that cos everyone i love is miles away.
and my cousin is still in hospital. he's been in 16 days now, and he still isnt gtting better. ****ing ****.
Even as the stone of the fruit must break
that its heart may stand in the sun,
so must you know pain.
There are only two ways in which one can live their life. One is as though nothing is a miracle, the other is as though everything is.
Alex, I did try talk to her and get her realise. Don't think it worked :( Funny how nobody made me see I was in two abusive relationships *cries*
*hides again*
It might take more time hun...abusive guys can be really manipulative. Just be there for her no matter what yeh?
Sometimes people dont know how to approach it...or dont know what signs to look for :(
Due to housing inspectors surveying the house for this exchange...I've been kicked out of my room because its a "health risk" due to a lack of a window...so i have to sleep on a camp bed for the next 2 and a half monthes whilst mum uses my room for storage.
PLUS
she butted in AGAIN by talking to my bloody crisis team "leader" (using the term lightly because i hate her) and mum and dad had ANOTHER go at me for not involving them. I dont want them to be involved. I want to do this on my own. I CAN do it on my own. without them and their 'support' so on Thursday...I'm going to go to be appointment then discharge myself. End of.
The most annoying thing?...I would have had this beat 3 YEARS AGO had my mum not stuck her nose in. its like she's suffering more than me!! shes not the one carrying the mental and physical scars is she!!
I HATE HER ><
She STILL thinks I'm attention seeking....she can die for all I care....
As soon as I move out....I'm cutting them out of my life FOREVER
) for next Thursday. We love you sweetie, please stay... I need my Auntie *snuggles*
... I think maybe I should be though
