Recently, I threw away my tool. Some of you may know this. More recently than that;However, I found a new tool. I had been doing so well, not using it. Just knowing that it was there and that I could use it gave me a sense of control and made me feel strong.
Three nights ago, I pulled it out. My sister was out with another friend. My friend I was with, the friend I was hoping would talk me out of it, fell asleep on me. I planned to just leave it at that.
My hand fell asleep as my arm wouldn't stop bleeding. I reluctantly woke up another friend via text. He then chose to call me.
I used him! That's all I did! Just got one more sucker to worry and care about me! At least for now, he, like everyone else, will soon grow tired of me. Casting me aside.
No one. Not one single person would have cared if I would not have turned to him. No one would have noticed had I decided to just let the cuts bleed.
I go to a session in about two hours. Some one who is payed to pretend to care about me.
I lack a reason. I lack a purpose. No one needs me. No one cares.
hun the fact that your friend called you and didnt just ignorethe text shows that he does care about you. it takes a lot of courage to ask for help when things are tough so well done! dont feel guilty about it, thats what friends are for. try to let the person you're seeing know things have taken a turn for th worse and maybe think about getting rid of your new tool with someone else there. that way when you're triggered you can think back to how proud they were and how much they care for you.
dont let this slip up get you down, its all a part of recovery.
take care of yourself
*hugs*
I'm sorry your friend fell asleep on you, but.. if they didn't care, why would they have come over to make sure you're ok in the first place?
It's not that no-one would have cared, it's that no-one woul dhave known that you'd slipped up and that you'd left the cuts to bleed. If the other friend didn't care, he wouldn't have called you, would he? He cares about you and that's why he got worried.. You didn't use him, that's what friends are for, to support you and be there when you need them.. If he was annoyed with you he wouldn't have called you, would he?
Good luck with your session, I hope it goes well.
You don't lack a purpose or a reason, you everyone here cares about you, I care about you otherwise I wouldn't be making sure you're ok and reading your thread and replying to it.. Your friends and family need you here, everyone here needs you.
You're strong, you can get through this
I hope this helps
*hugs*
xxKirstenxx
Allie, I'll never forget you..
Love You Always.
You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the things which you think you cannot do.
I'm sorry you're feeling so alone, I know that can be absolutely awful, especially if it feels like no-one cares. I'm also sorry you slipped up, but it happens to everyone. You did really well to text your friend, it does take a lot to tell someone you're not okay. I'm not trying to diminish what you're feeling in the slightest, I've been there before, but from what you've said, it really doesn't sound like they don't care about you. He called you, which he didn't have to do. He did it because he does care. And it doesn't mean that you used him, it's okay to need help sometimes - we all do. It sucks that your friend fell asleep, but they wouldn't have been there in the first place if they didn't like you or care about you.
Your counsellor / therapist isn't paid to 'pretend they care about you'. They're there to help you and it really can make a difference. Do you feel like it's helping at all?
You do have a purpose and a reason. But sometimes you have to see that for yourself because you don't believe it no matter how many people tell you. What do you like about yourself, what do you think you do well? There must be something? What kind of plans do you have? Just, sometimes it helps to find your own reason to keep going. Find things that you enjoy, do the things that make you feel worthwhile. Because you are, and you deserve to see that.
Take care of yourself, I'm here if you need someone to talk to or anything, anytime xo
