My workplace know all about my mental health history and I'm quite open with them. I don't really have much of a choice, because sometimes it can be glaringly obvious that I'm not OK, and I've been in hospital for a while during the time I've been employed there (the past five years.) I've never faced any judgement and my colleagues are very supportive. I'm very settled and happy there. There's a couple of changes coming up that I'm a bit worried about:
My hours are changing. I currently work 16 hours a week, 9am - 6pm on a Thursday and a Friday. From the 12th of February, I'm going to be working 2pm - 6pm on a Monday and Tuesday and 9am - 6pm on a Friday. This should in theory suit me better, because my anxiety is always loads worse in the morning and also my medication makes getting up difficult, so only having one early start will be better. Also, I really struggle with the long shifts, so having two shorter shifts instead of one long one should be more manageable. I'm still worried though. What if it upsets the balance a bit?
Also, a new person is starting on the 12th of February and I'm worried about how she's going to react to my mental health. I don't plan on telling her anything, especially to start with, but sometimes it really is really obvious that something is not quite right. I'm worried about being judged or that she'll be not very nice or something.
Any advice on how to manage new colleagues at work when you have mental health stuff? And comforting words about the new hours. All appreciated. :)
“Our defeats are softened and our victories are sweetened because we did it together.” - Toby Ziegler.
I'm sure your new hours will be fine. Like you said, it sounds like they might suit you better anyway so just keep reminding yourself about that. Go into it with an open mind and see what happens, I'm sure you'll adjust to the new routine in no time. Change is never easy but it's never as daunting as it first seems.
Also, your new colleague will probably be too new and too worried about learning all the new stuff that goes with a new job to notice that you might be having problems or to judge you for it. You're right not to tell her anything about your mental health straight away and you don't ever have to tell her if you don't want to. Everyone has bad days so she'll probably just put it down to that.
How did your first shift on the new schedule go today? I hope it went well and that it has a positive impact on your mental health.
Can you remember how your colleagues initially found out about your mental health? Maybe thinking about that and any conversations that happened then might help you feel prepared for this new colleague potentially finding out.
Hey
Can you speak to your manager about your hours, explain to him/her that the hours are too long for you and practicalities of getting up early doesn't always work medication you are on. I am sure they will be to accommodate you.
Have you ever confused a dream with life? Or stolen something when you have the cash? Have you ever been blue? Or thought your train moving while sitting still? Maybe I was just crazy. Maybe it was the 60's. Or maybe I was just a girl... interrupted.
I know what it's like to want to die. How it hurts to smile. How you try to fit in but you can't. How you hurt yourself on the outside to try to kill the thing on the inside. I tried groups, didn't work out just made my depression a lot worse.
I feel all... I don't know. Anxious, I think is the best way to describe it. I hate hearing the invisible people when they're scary, because as well as being scary, they also bring back some really awful memories. Memories of being unwell and hospital and restraint and bleurgh. The regular "what are you doing it that way for" or "oh, you're walking in the sunshine - isn't it nice? doesn't bother me too much. I just can't cope with the other stuff.
It's affecting work. I made three big mistakes when I was changing medication (I had to change because of side effects and it sent me a bit loopy for a while), two of which got past the pharmacist and to the patient. I rarely make mistakes, and to make three of that magnitude is absolutely awful of me. It's not OK. I haven't made a single mistake since I've been feeling less mental. I really, really shouldn't have gone to work. But I'm stubborn and I'd been of for a couple of months in the middle of last year and I didn't want my attendance to suck. Better my attendance suck that screw up so badly though. I really regret going in. :(
I'm struggling a bit with the new hours. I haven't got used to them properly yet, and won't until April (I had annual leave to use up so I'm off every Friday until the 6th.) I was so, so anxious before work yesterday and Monday. Really worked myself up. It was OK once I was there, but I can't cope with that every week. I don't think it helped that I hadn't had a day to myself for about 5 days and was mentally exhausted. I feel a bit better today, having had time to myself for the day.
I saw my CC yesterday morning, but she was in and out withing 20 minutes because I just wanted her out of the house. I phoned her today and apologised, and she offered to come out and see me. I said it'd be OK to talk on the phone, so we had a helpful conversation and she's going to ring me next Tuesday morning and see if I want her to visit, or if talking on the phone is enough. I'm due to see her in a couple of weeks anyway. I just... Ugh.
I feel ridiculous. I'm fine. I'm just anxious about work and I have been so, so tired. I've slept most of today and it's better. I've been considering contacting Remploy about work as they offer tailored provision for those with mental health difficulties, but I'm scared that they'll go behind my back like they did last time. That was about 7 years ago though, so hopefully things have improved a bit since then.
“Our defeats are softened and our victories are sweetened because we did it together.” - Toby Ziegler.
I really hope that things get a bit easier for you regarding work. Are you able to do any mindfulness or concentrate on your breathing when you get so anxious prior to going into work. Sorry if that's a crap suggestion.
I think you do so well to work with the difficulties that you have. try not to beat yourself up about the mistakes. They're done with now so no point in dwelling on them.
Hopefully you'll soon get into the new routine of work once your annual leave has finished and the newer hours will suit you better.
What is it that Remploy will help with (I've heard of them but don't really know what they do).
Sounds like you've got a great CC who is very supportive and understanding. I hope that they help you through this period until you are feeling more settled.
It sounds like things have been a bit of a learning process for you, and it sounds like you're really working hard to push through despite the anxiety and everything else. I'm sorry you ended up making some mistakes, but as you said, now you know that sometimes not going in will be better. I hope they are understanding if so.
If I remember correctly, anxiety about going is something you've struggled with before? And new schedules are always really really hard. I'm unsure what to suggest, but hopefully once you can start to adjust as well as take some more time to yourself, that will make a difference?
I'm glad your CC was understanding as well. Is she someone you could talk to about any of this or even about reemploy? She might know of someone with more recent experiences maybe?
Thinking of you.
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
