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Old 11-09-2020, 08:57 PM   #61
Darkwings44
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my mom still hasn't answered my e-mail yet....
feeling today kind of empty and alot depressed
im waiting for one staff (b) to get to the group home she hasnt come yet... (she was supposed to be here at 2:00 pm) so we could go to starbucks for some coffee (she said as she was leaveing in the mouring shift that she was (that was 8:00 AMish was when she left) going to take me (and the others) through the drive through of starbucks so i can get a white chocolate mocha but shes not here yet........


Last edited by Darkwings44 : 11-09-2020 at 08:59 PM. Reason: added more to it


just another floating iceberg in this ocean we call life...….


Am I a failure from birth
Is misery what I deserve
Am I just so void of love
That I'm never good, never good enough
~citizen soldier-never good enough

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Old 11-09-2020, 09:12 PM   #62
Darkwings44
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SHES HERE!!!!!!!!!!! =D i hope we go to starbucks!!!!!!!!



just another floating iceberg in this ocean we call life...….


Am I a failure from birth
Is misery what I deserve
Am I just so void of love
That I'm never good, never good enough
~citizen soldier-never good enough

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Old 12-09-2020, 09:42 AM   #63
one_step_closer
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I have you managed to get out and have your Costa. That's something to look out for, maybe look about other things that are achievement to hold on to.





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.

Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.

You didn't come this far just to come this far.


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Old 12-09-2020, 04:04 PM   #64
Darkwings44
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i finally got my coffee last night!!

im tried of this life even when i do my hardest, even when i do best.. its never ever enough for other people IM NEVER ENOUGH!!!!!! and im sick of it!!!!!!!!!!!! im sick of this worthless life that i have!!!!!!!!!!


Last edited by Darkwings44 : 12-09-2020 at 07:53 PM. Reason: fixed it


just another floating iceberg in this ocean we call life...….


Am I a failure from birth
Is misery what I deserve
Am I just so void of love
That I'm never good, never good enough
~citizen soldier-never good enough

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Old 13-09-2020, 11:23 AM   #65
one_step_closer
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Who is it who makes you feel you're not doing enough? Does it so much mean you need to do the things they well you? Do you think you're doing much? It looks like you are trying your hardest and that should be awarded not punished. What is it about your life that you feel is worthless? Do you have any. ideas about how it feel ok and just ignore the negative people? I know people can be not so nice but there are kind people out there.

You don't have to do lots of things that people tell you to. Who not trying to think up ways to have more of your own control because it's you that is important.





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.

Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.

You didn't come this far just to come this far.


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Old 13-09-2020, 05:35 PM   #66
Darkwings44
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im sorry but what you said was confusing..... im sorry....



just another floating iceberg in this ocean we call life...….


Am I a failure from birth
Is misery what I deserve
Am I just so void of love
That I'm never good, never good enough
~citizen soldier-never good enough

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Old 13-09-2020, 08:21 PM   #67
Pomegranate
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I think the question was about why you feel people think you aren’t doing ‘enough’? And whether you think you are? Is there anything more YOU think you could be doing (forgetting other people).

And apart from ‘I want to die/self harm etc’, how do you FEEL and what thoughts do you have? Do they do any mindfulness or anything with you?





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Old 13-09-2020, 09:17 PM   #68
Darkwings44
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ohhh... thank you!!! =) *hugs you*
because one of the staff mocked me about wipeing the kichen table that mourning........
i dont know if i am.....

i feel like shit.....
well i am thinking of adding my story to RYL and this site (its one of the top ten story and fanfic websites) so i could get some feedback on it
https://www.quotev.com/



just another floating iceberg in this ocean we call life...….


Am I a failure from birth
Is misery what I deserve
Am I just so void of love
That I'm never good, never good enough
~citizen soldier-never good enough

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Old 13-09-2020, 10:13 PM   #69
Pomegranate
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What did they say that made you think they were mocking you?

What does ‘feeling like shit’ look like for you?





*Proud Plumeria Sister*







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Old 14-09-2020, 05:29 PM   #70
Darkwings44
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they made fun of me......

very bad feelings.....



just another floating iceberg in this ocean we call life...….


Am I a failure from birth
Is misery what I deserve
Am I just so void of love
That I'm never good, never good enough
~citizen soldier-never good enough

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Old 15-09-2020, 09:27 PM   #71
Darkwings44
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i finelly posted my story on wattpad and RYL too!!! YYYYYYYAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (qoutev wasnt a very active site so i switched to wattpad)



just another floating iceberg in this ocean we call life...….


Am I a failure from birth
Is misery what I deserve
Am I just so void of love
That I'm never good, never good enough
~citizen soldier-never good enough

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Old 16-09-2020, 10:02 AM   #72
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Do you have the link ?



Have you ever confused a dream with life? Or stolen something when you have the cash? Have you ever been blue? Or thought your train moving while sitting still? Maybe I was just crazy. Maybe it was the 60's. Or maybe I was just a girl... interrupted.
I know what it's like to want to die. How it hurts to smile. How you try to fit in but you can't. How you hurt yourself on the outside to try to kill the thing on the inside. I tried groups, didn't work out just made my depression a lot worse.

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Old 16-09-2020, 03:38 PM   #73
Darkwings44
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yes i do here it is!!!!!!! =)

( https://www.wattpad.com/story/241012550 )



just another floating iceberg in this ocean we call life...….


Am I a failure from birth
Is misery what I deserve
Am I just so void of love
That I'm never good, never good enough
~citizen soldier-never good enough

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Old 17-09-2020, 11:53 AM   #74
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Aww thank you :) I will take a look



Have you ever confused a dream with life? Or stolen something when you have the cash? Have you ever been blue? Or thought your train moving while sitting still? Maybe I was just crazy. Maybe it was the 60's. Or maybe I was just a girl... interrupted.
I know what it's like to want to die. How it hurts to smile. How you try to fit in but you can't. How you hurt yourself on the outside to try to kill the thing on the inside. I tried groups, didn't work out just made my depression a lot worse.

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Old 17-09-2020, 07:52 PM   #75
Darkwings44
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your welcome!!! :)



just another floating iceberg in this ocean we call life...….


Am I a failure from birth
Is misery what I deserve
Am I just so void of love
That I'm never good, never good enough
~citizen soldier-never good enough

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Old 17-09-2020, 09:04 PM   #76
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i woke up feeling so tried of this life..i feel so worthless and very bad... and it doesnt help that this one lady that lives with me at the group home allways acts like she is the queen of me......(tells me what to do and is VERY rude to me!!!!!)



just another floating iceberg in this ocean we call life...….


Am I a failure from birth
Is misery what I deserve
Am I just so void of love
That I'm never good, never good enough
~citizen soldier-never good enough

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Old 18-09-2020, 01:48 AM   #77
Darkwings44
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i thought that me writeing my story would shed some light in this dark hell but it wont!!!!!!!!! everyone IRL ( my cousins) wants only to hurt me for their happyiness!!! im so tried of being hurt for them!!!!!!!!!!!! i wanna cut my voice box open maybe then my silent screaming can be released and heard but i cant!! dont have anything to cut with!!!!!!!!! damn shitty group home staff!!!!!! they watch me near knives and stuff like that!!!!!!!!



just another floating iceberg in this ocean we call life...….


Am I a failure from birth
Is misery what I deserve
Am I just so void of love
That I'm never good, never good enough
~citizen soldier-never good enough

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Old 18-09-2020, 08:52 PM   #78
Darkwings44
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i just wrote down every website ive been on because one of the staff of the group home says that the boss of the group home wants to know what im doing on the laptop!!! im feeling scared that he might take my laptop away from me or read everything ive posted!!!!! i cant take this feeling!!!!! i feel like self harmimg right now!!!



just another floating iceberg in this ocean we call life...….


Am I a failure from birth
Is misery what I deserve
Am I just so void of love
That I'm never good, never good enough
~citizen soldier-never good enough

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Old 20-09-2020, 02:40 AM   #79
not_so_insig
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Why do you have to tell them about this site? Unless they supervise you online by watching you every time you go online there's very little chance of knowing about here. Unless you're forced to show them at the time they won't know.

Idk what browser you're using but most have an option to have a secret mode so that whatever site you have been on doesn't show up in your history. Perhaps it's the time to learn about how to use it and use it every time you come here. That way the staff won't find out about here and potentially read everything you have posted if you're ever forced to reveal your internet history.

I understand that they want to keep you safe but i don't get why you're so eager to tell them everything when here may be your safe space. Personally I have never told anyone about here not even when I was living under my parents house because sometimes people get the wrong idea about ryl. I wouldn't want here to be blocked by staff just because you were too open. I dont advocate lying to people but there are times when it's wise to keep your mouth shut.


Last edited by not_so_insig : 20-09-2020 at 02:55 AM.


Wannabe CPN : -)
"He who is tired of Weird Al is tired of life." - Homer Simpson
"I hear those voices that will not be drowned"
Sanity is a nasty disease. The world would be a happier place without it. - Rilic
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Old 20-09-2020, 04:21 PM   #80
Darkwings44
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because if i dont be honest with them and him he would take it somewhere to get the info anyway.......
ok ill try thanks
im not eager......far from it actully.......
RYL is my safe place.... i dont want anything blocking me from it......


Last edited by Darkwings44 : 20-09-2020 at 04:22 PM. Reason: added more to it


just another floating iceberg in this ocean we call life...….


Am I a failure from birth
Is misery what I deserve
Am I just so void of love
That I'm never good, never good enough
~citizen soldier-never good enough

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