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Old 18-12-2011, 11:52 PM   #1
hermit
 
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Dredging up the past

So much from the past continues to be pulled up for me. I live with the past just waiting a trigger to pull me back into abuse. SI is a refuge away from all of that. Vicious circle.

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Old 19-12-2011, 09:55 AM   #2
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Can you explain a bit more about how this is for you? Is it in the form of flashbacks, or some kind of reenactment - or both/something else?

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Old 20-12-2011, 11:15 AM   #3
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Wondering that^^ as well as, is someone in your life now causing these things to be brought up?
Not sure...so will leave as this.
Pls talk more, if you feel able to, ok?
Thoughts are with you.
xx

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Old 22-12-2011, 11:27 PM   #4
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Flashbacks. Memories. Trying to deal with it and it's overwhelming.

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Old 26-12-2011, 02:54 AM   #5
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This is one of the hardest times of year for me. Dealing with an abusive family at Christmas is tough. I end up with the gifts of guilt, remorse, responsibility for the happiness of others and feeling like a total failure. I shouldn't hate Christmas.

I try to make it a better time for myself, but it seems not to matter what I do. There were a few good things today. An email from a friend. A package from RYL.

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Old 26-12-2011, 11:57 AM   #6
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You don't have to accept those gifts into your heart, as it only hurts it.

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Old 26-12-2011, 11:59 AM   #7
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I agree with Katie, also are you receiving any therapy to help you deal with this?



"Recovery is something that you have to work
on every single day and it's
something that doesn't
get a day off."


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Old 28-12-2011, 10:53 AM   #8
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I do what I can, but spend too much time alone. These past few days I have really been needing support but I am not very good at asking for it - or, for that matter, accepting it.

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Old 28-12-2011, 11:52 AM   #9
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Why's that?

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Old 28-12-2011, 01:10 PM   #10
crazykat
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What do you think makes it so hard to ask for support?



"Recovery is something that you have to work
on every single day and it's
something that doesn't
get a day off."


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Old 29-12-2011, 02:30 AM   #11
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Because I spend most of my time alone. I usually cope alone. It's hard to need others.

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Old 29-12-2011, 06:57 AM   #12
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What's hard about it for you?

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Old 29-12-2011, 07:40 AM   #13
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Vulnerability. Opening up. Admitting to what I am going through.

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Old 29-12-2011, 01:50 PM   #14
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What are you scared might happen if you make your vulnerability known?

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Old 30-12-2011, 12:56 AM   #15
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Any time walls are let down, I get hurt. It's easier to remain inside those walls hurting myself.

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Old 31-12-2011, 12:18 PM   #16
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It is scary as hell to let the walls down/let ppl in; because you can't take it back once you do.
BUT, you can control who you open it all up to. To someone who doesn't know you, won't hurt you.
Do you have a care team or person of any sort?
Even a GP?
If not, would you consider reaching out for that?
I do know how hard it is, to reach out and have it basically blow up in your face, for the person to use it as 'emotional ammunition'.
But, I now know how much of a relief it is when you find the right person, who will help you...simply because you deserve it.
And, you do deserve it.
It takes time to realize/believe that, but it will happen.
Can you let us know us know how you are?
Thinking of you.
If I can be of any help, pls feel free to PM me ok?
Anytime.
xx

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Old 01-01-2012, 06:14 PM   #17
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i wish i had advice but im in the same position myself, im sorry cos i know it sucks but i wanted you to know ur not alone in how u feel xx

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Old 02-01-2012, 08:54 AM   #18
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I have good days, I have bad days. Like all of us I suppose. Holidays are usually on the down side and give me more trouble with self.

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Old 22-01-2012, 06:37 AM   #19
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Very isolated right now. Feeling like I don't belong anywhere. That I don't fit in. I am here, but on the outside looking in... not understanding the light, the warmth, the laughter. It all pushes me away.

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Old 08-02-2012, 04:47 AM   #20
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Continuing to fight with myself. Some days I don't know why it even matters - always a struggle.

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