What are you watching? I guess if you’re in the communal area its frowned upon to change the channel in the middle of a programme if you don’t like whats on!
Some ideas:
Talking to a friend about completely random crap (you can pm and talk crap to me if you like)
Reading a book on your phone if it has an e reader
Going on buzzfeed (I’m addicted to it, I like reading funny articles)
Watching funny videos on youtube
Playing games on your phone (I like apple arcade for this but you might not have an iphone)
Thats all I can think of at the moment. I like gaming but I’m guessing you don’t have access to a games console!
I've been sectioned
Only a 5(2) at the moment but will be assessed for a 2 or 3 next week. Even though I lied and said I was ok.
I didn't even try to leave!
This is fucked up.
And they keep trying to get me to have lorazepam for some reason.
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
Hey Beckie. Sending good thoughts your way. I think you should try to trust their judgement at the moment.
I know the clozapine isn't your ideal answer to any of this and it is annoying having to rely on medication. For example (and sorry to use this as an example, I'm not meaning to compare but just trying to make a point of sorts), my entire hand luggage was a backpack of medication to keep me alive for two weeks while I'm away. I know that it is different medication to yours but if that's what is needed to keep you and I safe and alive then there sometimes has to be a degree of acceptance. I would love things to be different so do understand where you're coming from and although the meds aren't the same thing exactly, they are just as inconvenient and annoying.
I'm sorry if that's an unfair comparison but just wanted to say it. Just want you to be ok.
Thanks np
That's not an unfair comparison at all.
It makes sense
I have just seen the consultant and I've agreed to go back on clozapine.
But I've also been put on 1:1 and made to take some clonazepam. I think the clonazepam is going to be a regular thing for the weekend at least. I said I don't need it but they said I do.
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
Sorry if this is a dumb question, but is taking a med like clozapine different than the meds you take for your epilepsy? Like do you view those differently?
Also, if you go back on it, if you have a preference re depo or pills maybe they can work with you on that?
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
I feel it's different.
I am not fully convinced I have the mental health problems that they say I do so taking meds for it is a bit 'eh'. Especially as it's such a heavy drug.
Clozapine only comes in tablet form unfortunately.
They gave me clonazepam with my morning meds.
I don't know if I feel comfortable with having them so much. I did tell them that but they just said the doctor said I have to have it.
I'm getting sick of being on 1:1. Had to sleep with the light on as well.
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
Very proud of you for the clozapine decision lovely. I know it’s hard to accept but if you try and think of it in terms of if I want to be out of hospital off obs living life it’s a shit but it’s necessary maybe that will help? Then you can continue your holidays, visiting epic friends *cough* and although it was harder you did still lose weight on colazpine with your Zumba, diet etc and maybe you could inquire at GPs if certain slimming tablets might be safe for you to take (I have a natural one in mind but don’t want you just waltz off and take it without checking with a dr first when you get out). Not ideal but if it makes you feel more able to take the colozapine then feel if safe maybe worth it.
I don’t want to lose you. Many people don’t want to lose you. Keep fighting lovely.
'Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.'
['There is only one thing we say to death. Not today'.']
'We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell. Oscar Wilde
Its hard to dance with the devil on your back. Sydney Carter
They are going to give me another medication to help with the weight gain side effect so hopefully that will do something.
Also I had a seizure last night and apparently if I have another one within 24 hours then they'll have to call an ambulance which seems like a total overreaction so now I'm worried about having another seizure.
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
I’m also really proud of you for taking the decision to go back on it, well done. I know its not easy, especially when you’re worried about the side effects but hopefully the other med will help reduce them. Also, as Buttons says, you did manage to still lose weight on it, although I get why that bothers you.
In terms of seizures, could the fact that you’re “mentally unwell” (hate that phrase but I couldn’t think of another one) be affecting them? I’m by no means a doctor, just a thought that popped into my head because you were seizure free for so long.
The epilepsy meds are going to be reviewed
I had another 2 seizures earlier and they are going to send me to hospital for scans and blood tests. I don't know when but it will be sometime this evening
Thank you x
I'm not sure. They seem to have been getting more frequent anyway.
I know that you can get used to meds so they sometimes need to be increased or changed.
I think they've increased one of them now. I had a stat dose of it anyway. As well as rectal diazepam (my god I'm so glad I was unconscious for that!)
So hopefully seizures are finished for today.
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
