Hello.
I am a younger middle aged woman, who has been divorced for going on 6 years.
I have a young adult son. I live on a small farm in a very rural country area. This is my preference. I used to also have horses, goats and chickens. Now, I just have my dogs whom I show & raise. I also have my 2 lovely cats.
My cross I bear the most will be my Extreme Anxiety & PTSD. No one in my life understands the extent, it’s not a physical condition therefore you can’t “see” it and therefore it must not be there. This is how I feel my family, boyfriend and most of my friends view me. I do try to keep this in, to my son. It’s not his concern to worry over - he has to know at times, but in general - no.
I am dating someone, but to me honest - I do believe we are more along the lines of roommates, instead of anything even remotely close to romance. Their is no romance. Zero. I believe it’s been at least a year, maybe longer since we even shared a kiss. Sadly, not exaggerating. I am not disappointed by this any longer. I have no more desire than he does. I gave up, long ago. Too much mental & emotional abuse (possible physical) to even be attracted to him Physically and Mentally at this point.
It’s all such a long story, that I’m desperately wanting to share, because I am so confused, and honestly don’t know where to turn. I have seemed counseling. Many times. I’m too weak, too scared. I have a huge fear of being alone.
I used to not have anxiety to this level. Maybe mild, as it runs in the family, but it’s so bad, my doctors are concerned I may be developing PTSD due to the abuse.
Yet, I still can’t leave.
Where do I go to share more. Where do I go to maybe hear similar stories followed by success. I am so unsure anymore.
Thank you for listening. It’s nearly 3:00 in the morning, and I’m sitting here in my bedroom with the door locked and ready to call 911. Yet, police have told me their is nothing they can do.... and that they fear by me having them out, would only add fuel to the fire.
It just doesn’t seem right!
