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Old 27-09-2008, 05:39 PM   #61
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The rules dont come into effect untill the first of october - to make sure eveyrone has time to read them, and doesnt accidentally do wha tyou did :)

you may see it as 'going to far' but, you see, we tried everything else we could think of, and i didnt have a big enough impact. and your perfectly intitled to yoru opinion :) its wont be ignored, remember, this is only a trial period.





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Old 27-09-2008, 06:29 PM   #62
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No no, please do - we're more than willing to listening :)
If you don't want to do it here, you can email us at moderators@recoveryourlife.com

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Old 27-09-2008, 06:46 PM   #63
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Hey everyone.Hope its ok for me to post here.i dont have an ED but sometimes come to the ED Forum to offer support.This is the way i see things:

RYL seems in a very difficult position here.i have seen the mods efforts to make this forum more ED recovery orientated.i have also seen some very ill people around here and it is important that we dont make their illness worse.i dont know if the new rules will work but it must be hard for the mods whatever they do.They could have decided against this on the fear/risk that it will push people more towards pro Ana sites but for now we have a trial period and the only way we will know if it works is by waiting and seeing i guess.

i would also say though - and is not a criticism at all, more a concern that it seems to happen - that sadly sometimes people seem to have felt they have to post numbers to get the support/level of support they need.Maybe until they have had some practice some people perhaps wont know how to talk to us in different ways and maybe we can all try and help each other out with this.Expression without numbers?

Though i do not have an ED i like coming to the ED board to offer support.There are some very nice people here.i hope i havent offended anyone.None of this is meant as criticism at all.Just my thoughts from a non ED point of view as ive been typing.

I hope that the ED Forum can remain a friendly, supportive place whatever its rules.

It may end up being a shame that this has had to happen but i have also seen some very very ill people around this forum in recent weeks, people whose lives im fearing for and it has got out of control.



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Old 27-09-2008, 06:56 PM   #64
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In regards to the banning of the word "fat"..

Despite not posting here, i've often read/been told that the ED forum isn't just for people with Anorexia/Bulemia, but it's also for people who are overweight/have problems with comfort eating, etc, like myself.

I've never posted here simply because i feel i have no right here, and i'd feel uncomfortable talking about how genuinly overweight i am, when i am surrounded by people with the opposite problem.

I personally hate the word "fat", however, i often refer to myself as this because i have that mindset from years of bullying.
So, if someone like myself was to post here, and actually call themselves "fat" - would this also be "banned"?

I can understand the lengths the moderators have now gone to, to curb the problems they're having on this forum.
However, i can also understand how others will be put off by posting on here because of the new rules (even if temporary).
I have a few friends who have ED's who genuinly felt they could come here and open up completely, without feeling uncomfortable about mentioning there current weight, etc. I know they feel unable to post here as much once the new rules come in.

So, i can see both sides.
I guess time will tell on how everything pans out. No one particularly likes change to begin with.

Not sure if any of this made sense, or if i have any right to put my input in! Sorry ;x

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Old 27-09-2008, 07:25 PM   #65
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Could people not use the word "overweight" instead of fat?
Doesn't it all come down to people taking a little consideration and responsibility in their posts?

I've been reading through this thread and I do understand the concerns of those who feel they are being 'censored' somewhat but...and maybe I've missed the point...as I understand it no ones been told not to express themselves, it simply comes down to changing the way we express ourselves.

We can still write about how we feel which is surely more of the issue and we can still express how we feel about our BMI's and the like without being figure-specific



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Old 27-09-2008, 08:21 PM   #66
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Vee, you can still let sutff out there jsut the same, only without the numbers. unfortunatly it has to cover all the board, or people coudl just go to R+V to trigger themselves, and it would defeat the whole point.





"I would be almighty in my own world of art, even if I had to paint my pictures with my wet tongue on the dusty floor of my cell." -Picasso
"No, painting is not done to decorate apartments. It is an instrument of war." - Picasso

'I have scars becuase I have a past; but they, like my past, do not define my future'


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Old 27-09-2008, 08:52 PM   #67
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I am not sure if im kinda stepping out of line since I dont post here much but I have chatted to people on here who I have serious concerns for. I understand that sometimes its easier to explain demonstrate how desperate a persons situation is through the use of numbers and had a question which made be tied into a suggestion.

Could the RYL journals be private and only viewable to 'friends' I know that people could still use it to trigger through 'friends' but to be honest if this is the case then they probably will anyway just outside of the fourm. That way it would protect those recovering but also allow those seeking support the ability to get some. I wondered if this might be a compromise. Just a thought.

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Last edited by Prestige : 27-09-2008 at 08:53 PM. Reason: typo
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Old 27-09-2008, 08:52 PM   #68
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I can understand this.... It's just, hm. I dunno.

I think that the problem with the term 'fat' is.... ANOREXIA and BULLIMIA tell *US* that we are fat - so we believe it.

HOWEVER.... I know, that sometimes, I look at my tummy and I think *oh no, I'm getting fatter* I am at a low BMI, but that doesn't stop what I see..... It's there, and that's what I see and how I feel - BUT - when I look at others, I don't see the same.....

So, for example, say someone of a healthy BMI, I may actually think *Oh, they are thinner than me* or *I have a pokey out tummy and they have a nice flat one* or such, because what I see for ME isn't always, what I think for others.....


I don't know whether that makes any sense.

Although.... I can understand how it can upset some people - because, I know when I see someone's BMI lower than mine, I think *I WANT TO GO BACK TO THAT!* But, then again, that's BMI's not the amount..... Hm....



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Old 27-09-2008, 08:59 PM   #69
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What about when someone feels fat, but isn't actually overweight?



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Old 27-09-2008, 09:04 PM   #70
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Maybe that they feel bigger than they are?
I know I get some body dysmorphic stuff with my dissociation etc, which I know isn't technically the same... but..

Yeeks.
Anyway, while I'm here I wanted to say how much the new rules have my support. It feels much more of a welcoming forum for me again now, from someone who's more or less recovered - I hope - from borderline-anorexia... I feel more able to come in here and support now.
I could go into a long spiel about how keeping others out is part of the ED mindset, and making it more open is part of recovery and healing and opening up to life...

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Old 27-09-2008, 09:06 PM   #71
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I think this is a great idea and like said its a trial period.
I get very triggered at seeing photos or pictures of very thin people and if its on there avatar i cant hide from it.Which can make me really upset and triggered.
As a community and a family we need to join together and sometimes try different things to keep this place safe.
Thankyou










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Old 27-09-2008, 10:17 PM   #72
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What if someone is actually overweight and calls themselves fat?

You see, i'm not getting all of this.. :/
RYL seem concerned about every member on here, which is understandable. But i think you have to remember it's simply not possible to protect every single person. If someone is going to purposely trigger themselves, you're physically unable to do nothing about it. No one can work miracles here.

I understand the problems, and the goings on - but this is happening on every board on RYL. On the SH board i'm always seeing slip up's of what people are using tool wise, i'm always seeing indepth speeches about there recent wounds. On the R&V board, i'm always seeing people talking graphically about there weight/suicide/self harm. If i continue to read - i have no one else but myself to blame if they trigger me.

I DO understand the predicament the staff are on this topic, but when do the rules stop? When is there a line drawn on what someone can/can't say? I mean, banning the word "fat" is all well and done, but you can't stop every single member from calling themselves fat regardless of there size, regardless of what board it's being put on.

I'm not having a go at all - far from it. I'm just really confused, and have lots of questions, and i'm crap about putting everything across without it sounding ..offish. heh.

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Old 27-09-2008, 10:31 PM   #73
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Quote:
Originally Posted by [Purple_Rain] View Post
It does sound like a good idea, on paper, in the same way people in the picture forum posting saying 'omg im fat' triggers me when they're probably a lot lighter than myself. the problem is, there are a lot fo ways around that, like useing other (often more derogotory words) and also the only way to get rid of it completely would be haveing is starred out liek swear words. peopel would still know what ti said. Also, peopel may want to post for support saying somethign like ' x food is quite high in fat which makes it feel unsafe for me' and someoen might want to reply 'fats are an essential part of people's diets.

Does that make sense?
Yeah, it makes a lot of sense and I'm sorry I hadn't thought of fat as a word for food ingredient .

Oh, I like the starred out solution. Isn't fat a kind of swear word because the official words are overweight and obese?

A veeery recovery based step would be if there it would only be allowed to write "I FEEL fat" or "my ED tells me I am fat" but not be allowed to write "I AM fat" because the last option would mean that it is true you're fat.
Accepting that you aren't really overweight, although you feel like you are, would be a good step forward, wouldn't it?



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Old 27-09-2008, 10:51 PM   #74
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dramatic View Post
I mean, banning the word "fat" is all well and done, but you can't stop every single member from calling themselves fat regardless of there size, regardless of what board it's being put on.
i would like to point out we have NOT banned the word fat, it was jsut a question raised by a member, as a suggestion, an di explained why it would be unfeesabel to do so.

Quote:
You see, i'm not getting all of this.. :/
RYL seem concerned about every member on here, which is understandable. But i think you have to remember it's simply not possible to protect every single person. If someone is going to purposely trigger themselves, you're physically unable to do nothing about it. No one can work miracles here.

I understand the problems, and the goings on - but this is happening on every board on RYL. On the SH board i'm always seeing slip up's of what people are using tool wise, i'm always seeing indepth speeches about there recent wounds. On the R&V board, i'm always seeing people talking graphically about there weight/suicide/self harm. If i continue to read - i have no one else but myself to blame if they trigger me.
thats the thing, we can physiclaly stop them beign triggered on RYL. RYL is supposed to be a safe place, Just becuase people are able to go elsewhere to trigger htemselves doesnt mean we should jsu tgive up on tyrign to make RYL safe. Also, the rule isnt jsut to help protect those who might trigger themselves on purpose, but also those who gettign triggered accidentlaly (who WONT go elsewhere to get triggered) and those trying to recover; it allows them to still psot on RYL in the ED board, as several memebrs have already said they;d feel safer doing.


just becuase we can't protect everyone, doesnt mean we shoudltn try, even if its only to keep the majority safe.





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"No, painting is not done to decorate apartments. It is an instrument of war." - Picasso

'I have scars becuase I have a past; but they, like my past, do not define my future'


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Old 27-09-2008, 10:54 PM   #75
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Quote:
A veeery recovery based step would be if there it would only be allowed to write "I FEEL fat" or "my ED tells me I am fat" but not be allowed to write "I AM fat" because the last option would mean that it is true you're fat.
Accepting that you aren't really overweight, although you feel like you are, would be a good step forward, wouldn't it?
That could be a suggestion, but I don't think you can enforce it. People need some freedom and if people are that easily triggered by a word that is so common, then really they need to shut themselves in a room and not come into contact with the outside world at all! The new rules seem like a good compromise if erring slightly on the over cautious, to make them any stricter would really restrict peoples expression and freedom of speech.





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Old 28-09-2008, 04:29 AM   #76
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I don't think it's making RYL too cotton-woolly at all.

A lot of people with ED/ED tendencies are posting for support when they're at their most vulnerable or on that journey to recovery. It would be horrible if a person who was vulnerable in that aspect joined the site, came to post on this board and left feeling even more triggered and possibly in danger by seeing posts full of low numbers, food lists that may make their own eating habits seem "omgz gross!" when it's dangerous enough for them as it is and it becomes a competition or anything else.

Not to say that sometimes posting numbers has been useful in the past - perhaps I'm in a minority who find very low numbers or lists of food triggering? Not everybody is the same and there are going to be some who find the new rules a bit constricting at first. I'm sure a lot of members who've been round for ages couldn't get their head around not having blood/tools in their avatar/sigs but they're still here and they adjusted!

Banning words would be going a bit far, no? All that's been done, in my opinion, is removed the ability to post numbers and food items and such that could be used in a "mental competition" or unwittingly trigger people in a vulnerable place, which is how a lot of members who use the ED board are, whether they can see that or not at the time.

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Old 28-09-2008, 09:10 AM   #77
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I'm liking the new rules atm.
Thanks Mods.



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Old 28-09-2008, 12:16 PM   #78
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I think the new rules are a great idea

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Old 28-09-2008, 11:17 PM   #79
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any other questions/issues people want to raise?





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Old 29-09-2008, 07:37 AM   #80
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what happens if in the beginning more so in R and V forums things are put in without realising are the post editied by mods and memebers warned or something more?

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