I hope it's ok to post here.
I'm 26 and been struggling with depression, PTSD and an eating disorder for a number of years. I've been in and out of therapy for years and been working with my current therapist for 5 months.
She knows there has been childhood trauma but I still haven't been able to vocalise things. She said she's noticed I dissociated a lot and last week, had a particularly bad episode of dissociation where chunks of time is missing. I found a drawing and it's nothing like something a 26 year old would draw and I'm scared. I know the scene as it's a particular memory but I can't remember doing it. I gave it to my therapist and asked her not to look at it in front of me.
She said my ptsd is complex ptsd and gave me a ptsd booklet and a booklet on dissociative disorders. She asked me the percent of which I feel dissociated compared to in flashback, I said about 70% dissociated and 30% flashback.
She has said she has seen my inner child come out a lot, especially in relation to the eating disorder and said the other day I threw one of the distraction toys on the floor (when it's the one I usually like!) She also said she's noticed I repeat myself at times and forget what I've asked.
I'm scared what's going on and any advice would be appreciated. I feel so alone and like I'm losing my mind.