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Old 02-09-2017, 04:59 AM   #1
bitomato
 
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Wasting time/ taking up space

A few times I read comments on RYL about persons saying they were told they were wasting the time of the clinicians/ ambulance/ ER etc.

Today my therapist was saying how they are a public clinic so by coming less would allow for other people to attend. In general it was too much, and I felt very pushed away. I was really worried about money, so that is why the conversation came up in the first place. But in general I was reflecting on how flaky I was finding the service overall. (The receptionist told someone in the waiting room that his therapist had "just woken up" and would phone in his prescription). My care team was always apologizing for dropping the ball....

To be fair I did ask the therapist to alert me when I go off topic. I am trying to listen and take guidance from the therapist, but when I think that I am high functioning I do come across like I don't need therapy. But then I am not depressed when I think that I am a waste of space? I do feel really vulnerable and I do feel really overwhelmed and not trusting of being able to say what really goes through my mind.

Like the disapproval today just felt like judgment. I am struggling with so many things. I like having things in place to avoid unnecessary voids in my support network, yet I am learning that this is not even something I can control. I am getting a few intrusive thoughts that I don't know how to process.

I spent most of the session looking at the clock because I didn't want to get too comfortable. Maybe I should just stop coming to therapy so that people who need therapy can get the space.


Last edited by bitomato : 02-09-2017 at 05:01 AM. Reason: Explaining "flaky"




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Old 03-09-2017, 03:35 PM   #2
Pi.R^2
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Are you getting something out of the therapy? Are you making the effort to make the sessions productive? If yes, then you aren't wasting anyone's time. You are just as deserving as anyone else of that therapy time; I don't think it was appropriate for your therapist to have made that comment and I'm sorry that it's caused you distress.


Last edited by Pi.R^2 : 03-09-2017 at 03:58 PM.


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Old 04-09-2017, 12:01 AM   #3
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hi, yes, I think that I am doing my best to make the sessions productive. I was getting something out of therapy- right now I am just struggling with a lot of intrusive thoughts as well as projecting different feelings onto the therapist. I did feel very judged, and it is weird that regarding attachment it took so long to initially get transferred and it happened so abruptly and now it feels as though I am being abandoned again to fend for myself.


I felt it was necessary to be made to feel uncomfortable rather than settled within the session; it just felt that the critique came suddenly.....I was constantly very aware of the time- we started late. And in telling me repeatedly that weekly attendance is an on-going discussion I felt there was an underlying message- like we were planning for termination- but then being critiqued regarding my eating, and self- harm relapse, and generally evading a topic maybe questioning not needing sessions- I just felt like I was being punished for not being a good client.





~Happy tomatoes together we will be~
You say toe- may- toe, I say toe- mah- toe:
Let's call the whole thing- red

ďItís time to lead the third revolution, which is not to say we want to be at the top of the world, but to say we want to change the world. Because the way the world has been designed by men is not working. Itís not working for women, itís not working for men,
itís not working for polar bears
.Ē Arianna Huffington 2014

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Old 04-09-2017, 07:53 PM   #4
Pi.R^2
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Would you feel able to talk about this at your next session? Perhaps they didn't realise how they were coming across!



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It's not how tragically we suffer but how miraculously we live.


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Old 06-09-2017, 02:21 AM   #5
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I did think about that.
I don't know if my mood could be described as irritable as I was definitely more than usually sensitive and possibly curt to the therapist- yet yes when those comments were made I felt very sideswiped....especially as they came near/ at the end of the session.
I have a course coming up which involves some degree of exposure to the different types of therapies. I find it triggered me before, and I didn't have the support to process it. However, this time I would like to engage more.

I guess from my original title- is it that one is told you are wasting time/ space etc. or that is either how one is made to feel, or how one perceives things to be....


Last edited by bitomato : 06-09-2017 at 02:36 AM.




~Happy tomatoes together we will be~
You say toe- may- toe, I say toe- mah- toe:
Let's call the whole thing- red

ďItís time to lead the third revolution, which is not to say we want to be at the top of the world, but to say we want to change the world. Because the way the world has been designed by men is not working. Itís not working for women, itís not working for men,
itís not working for polar bears
.Ē Arianna Huffington 2014

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