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Old 12-09-2014, 07:38 PM   #1
Sophie ♀
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: York
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Contains sexual abuse - *tw for SH also* Wednesday night...

I haven't posted on here for a while. I've been doing fairly well (no SH for over 5 months).

And then Wednesday night happened. To cut a long story short, I'm pretty sure something was put into my drink, a guy followed me into the girls toilets, and (me being at the perfect height on the toilet seat), somehow managed to get his dick down my throat. In any normal situation I would have reacted (bitten, fought etc.) but I felt like I could hardly move and from what I remember I was really terrified.

And now, 48 hours later, I can't deal with myself. I feel disgusting and broken. I went to work today but had to leave before my shift even started. My GM was really supportive and kind and has given me the weekend off. But I need a release. I need to get rid of this feeling of dirtiness and brokenness. I want to SH. So badly. I've been on the verge of panic attack for hours. I just don't know how to cope. Part of me thinks that I'm making too big of a deal out of it, that so many people have gone through so much worse, but I still feel so violated. And the fact that I can only remember tiny parts of the incident is really worrying me. I've made a doctors appointment for tomorrow just to make sure he didn't give me anything.

Yesterday I thought I'd get over all of this. Now, I realise I was just in shock, it hadn't sunk in what had actually happened. Any advice with how to deal with this would be really appreciated :)

There's only now, there's only here. Give in to love or live in fear.

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Old 16-09-2014, 05:14 PM   #2
Chasing Clouds.
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Join Date: Jul 2007

that really sounds awful what you've been through and i'm sorry to hear about it. i can understand that you must be struggling.
hope you're doing ok as i see this was posted a while ago. how did it go with the doc?
*sends hugs*

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Old 18-09-2014, 04:37 PM   #3
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That sounds awful. I'm sorry it happened to you.

I hope the doctors appointment went ok.

In my dreams I slew the dragon

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Old 21-09-2014, 09:00 AM   #4
Snow White.
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I'm so sorry you've been through such an awful experience. You have every right to feel violated, even though it's painful you deserve to feel upset and not minimize what happened. The best thing I guess you can do now is see a doctor and get done support and you've done the first part so well done. How did it go?

I understand the need for a release. Is there anything safe you could do to express your emotions? Maybe writing, calling a helpline or listening to music of how you feel might relieve the pressure a bit.

Keep talking to us too, we are here for you x

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