Contains sexual abuse - *tw for SH also* Wednesday night...
I haven't posted on here for a while. I've been doing fairly well (no SH for over 5 months).
And then Wednesday night happened. To cut a long story short, I'm pretty sure something was put into my drink, a guy followed me into the girls toilets, and (me being at the perfect height on the toilet seat), somehow managed to get his dick down my throat. In any normal situation I would have reacted (bitten, fought etc.) but I felt like I could hardly move and from what I remember I was really terrified.
And now, 48 hours later, I can't deal with myself. I feel disgusting and broken. I went to work today but had to leave before my shift even started. My GM was really supportive and kind and has given me the weekend off. But I need a release. I need to get rid of this feeling of dirtiness and brokenness. I want to SH. So badly. I've been on the verge of panic attack for hours. I just don't know how to cope. Part of me thinks that I'm making too big of a deal out of it, that so many people have gone through so much worse, but I still feel so violated. And the fact that I can only remember tiny parts of the incident is really worrying me. I've made a doctors appointment for tomorrow just to make sure he didn't give me anything.
Yesterday I thought I'd get over all of this. Now, I realise I was just in shock, it hadn't sunk in what had actually happened. Any advice with how to deal with this would be really appreciated :)