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Old 14-08-2009, 04:55 AM   #1
concrete girl
♪ don't fall down
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Canada
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Mildly Triggering (ED) - Hi again.

Hi everyone, I am back after a long time of being away... I don't recognize most of you, but that's alright. I'd like to tell my story, so I can get a little release. You don't have to read it.

I am tired, and weary. I hate seeing that sad look in my boyfriend's eyes. I hate not being able to make it go away.

I spent almost my entire first year at university not caring about my weight. I didn't own a scale. I ate whatever I wanted and whenever I wanted. I gained a lot of weight and had to buy new clothes.

At the end of first year I snapped. I purged for the second time in my entire life. I went home for the summer and tried to lose weight-- somewhat successfully though short of my goal. Then I was in a relationship that turned emotionally abusive. He told me he couldn't love me, and I couldn't love anyone, as long as I hated myself.

In my second year I began purging again. Not just once, here or there, but all the time. First it was just normal amounts, normal things. Then I started binging first.

I was totally consumed. I am still totally consumed. I have discovered that I use this to try and hide my emotions. I am working in a city where I know only a few people, and have no friends. My family, my boyfriend, everyone else I know & care about are many many kms away.

I am lonely, and bored, and this is how I fill my time.
I am not bulimic; but, I have a problem.

I can see how much it hurts my boyfriend. He is the only one who knows. We're planning to move in together in January... we can't live together like this. I don't know what to do anymore.
I don't want to stop. I can't imagine gaining all that weight back. I don't want to be that person.
But I'm tired of this. I want some rest.

Thanks for reading.
krysta



- Anais Nin


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Old 14-08-2009, 05:20 AM   #2
Cryptic.
If at first you don't succeed, try try try again.
 
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Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: UK, Surrey
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What do you think you have then?
Bulimia is typically described as binging then purging.
Is there a trigger to this?
What's your mindset like?
How do you feel about yourself, inside and out?
Do you feel like when you eat, you are eating away your feelings, and then when you purge, you purge them away?

You need to stop, this is very dangerous and a very bad path to go down. You can choose to heal from this, don't let this control you and beat you down, because it will.

If you are afraid of gaining weight, gradually start eating again and reduce the behaviors, perhaps a doctor being involved may be of use.

It's good you are recognizing you have a problem, next step; doing something about it.

x



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Old 14-08-2009, 07:44 AM   #3
risenfromperdition
you are loved and beautiful :)
 
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Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: hogwarts ^.^

i have absolutely no advice, so will reply with a proper reply tomorrow, but i remember you <3



“The good things don’t always soften the bad, but vice-versa, the bad things don’t necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant.”
“Nobody important? Blimey, that’s amazing. Do you know, in nine hundred years of time and space I’ve never met anyone who wasn’t important before.”
“If it’s time to go, remember what you’re leaving. Remember the best. My friends have always been the best of me.”

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Old 14-08-2009, 11:38 AM   #4
mindseye
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: south east england
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hi i can see its gettin you down but you can get through this, you may not know what it is but you know you have a problem and that is a start a first small step.

and that is all it takes small steps and you can do it

have you spoken to anyone hun like a gp or something even your uni councillor they may be able to help and suggest something

i am not very good at giving advice but i do try and give it a shot
so i hope this is helpful for you!

as for friends is there something you can do can you find an activity you like doing or a uni club or something maybe to use some time and make a few friends. i dont know but i am pleased ya back cos it means you have some support

you can do it!!!!!! take care

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