I thought I was doing fine. I slipped back into it for what I thought was the last time a couple of months ago.
But I got out of it.
It scares me though because that is like the fifth time I've slipped into this. I refuse to call it an ED because I haven't been diagnosed and I don't like self diagnosing myself.
But honestly any doctor would probably diagnos me with Anorexia Nervosa because I think I have most of the symptoms.
My mom has seen me slip into this about two or three times but she refuses to take me to a doctor.
She says that I'm not sick and when I definitely have an ED she'll take be to the doctor.
But I need more help with this. She also argues that there is nothing they (a doctor) can do that I can't do at home to help myself.
I have a counselor and a psychiatrist. But they don't seem to help.
I don't know. It's not that I want to be diagnosed. I just wish I knew if I had it or not so I could know. Because I feel like I don't have anything to be worried about. I feel like I'm just making a big deal out of nothing.
But maybe it's my parents who should be getting me help.
I don't know. I don't even know what I'm saying anymore.
I'm just scared because I feel myself slipping back into it and I don't want to upset my parents. Or get sick again. Because somehow they just think I can start eating and I can't. And I don't like how they think I can.
But I love them, don't get me wrong.
This is getting long. I'm just going to post this. I hope it doesn't violate the rules or anything.