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Old 09-12-2015, 11:37 AM   #1
Hiway202
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I Think I Might Be Relapsing

I thought I was doing fine. I slipped back into it for what I thought was the last time a couple of months ago.

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It was really bad. I started keeping track of my weight, like, every hour and how many calories I ate.


But I got out of it.

It scares me though because that is like the fifth time I've slipped into this. I refuse to call it an ED because I haven't been diagnosed and I don't like self diagnosing myself.

But honestly any doctor would probably diagnos me with Anorexia Nervosa because I think I have most of the symptoms.

My mom has seen me slip into this about two or three times but she refuses to take me to a doctor.

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Even though I lost a lot of weight and looked sick


She says that I'm not sick and when I definitely have an ED she'll take be to the doctor.

But I need more help with this. She also argues that there is nothing they (a doctor) can do that I can't do at home to help myself.

I have a counselor and a psychiatrist. But they don't seem to help.

I don't know. It's not that I want to be diagnosed. I just wish I knew if I had it or not so I could know. Because I feel like I don't have anything to be worried about. I feel like I'm just making a big deal out of nothing.

But maybe it's my parents who should be getting me help.

I don't know. I don't even know what I'm saying anymore.

I'm just scared because I feel myself slipping back into it and I don't want to upset my parents. Or get sick again. Because somehow they just think I can start eating and I can't. And I don't like how they think I can.

But I love them, don't get me wrong.

But, whatever.

This is getting long. I'm just going to post this. I hope it doesn't violate the rules or anything.

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Old 10-12-2015, 06:07 AM   #2
Hiway202
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I'm 16 by the way.

I don't see my counselor anymore because my parents think I'm doing so well and I'm seeing my psychiatrist tomorrow, but I want to get off my meds because there are so many nagative side effects to them so I can't tell her or she'll put me on more meds.

I would love to see my doctor (like, so I could get help) but I don't think my parents are just going to go take me to a doctor. They think I make up being sick because I'm sick all the time and they think I use it as an excuse to get out of school. And that is not true.

I don't have a drivers license yet either or any money so taking a bus or taxi is out.

Maybe I can start by asking to see my counselor again.

Or I can try talking to my mom.

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Old 10-12-2015, 08:33 AM   #3
Hiway202
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I supose I can talk to my psychiatrist about it.

My GP is always really busy so I don't think I can call but maybe my psychiatrist can tell me if it's important enough.

I don't go to school. I'm in independent study so I don't have anyone to talk to there. But I'll try talking to my mom and my psychiatrist tomorrow.

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Old 10-12-2015, 09:21 AM   #4
Hiway202
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Not ready for December *references to ED*

I already posted something on here last night, but I wanted to post something else, so I am.

I am so not ready for December.

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December means food. That's when we are going to have our Thanksgiving dinner because we have been getting our kitchen remodeled so we didn't get to have it. It also means Christmas dinner. And that's too much pressure. Plus, because of the kitchen remodel I haven't been eating healthy when I do eat because we don't have any healthy foods.

And today my dad made me something to eat, but he just piled a bunch of stuff on my plate. I don't want to gain weight! If I didn't know any better I'd think he wanted me to gain weight.


So, I'm just not ready.

I don't know what my question is with this. I guess I just needed to post this and get it off my chest.

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Old 11-12-2015, 09:21 AM   #5
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UPDATE: I went to my psychiatrist today. She said that I might be developing Bulimia because I'm throwing up a lot (I hate the "p" word). She increased one of my meds. I think she said that it was an anti-depresent.

She also suggested that I join an out patient group that does DBT. I've done DBT when I was in the hospital for Depression and SI, but it didn't really help me. But then again I didn't really try to use it. My counselor (that I don't see anymore but can see whenever I want) tried to do DBT with me, but I don't really remember it. So I thought maybe I could benefit from going to that group. It's three hours.

But if I do that, that means I have to drop out of the college classes I was going to take at my town's Comunity College, and I don't want to do that. I mean, I don't have to take those classes because I'm only 16 and still in high school, but I thought it would be fun. But I wouldn't have time to do high school, out patient, and college.

So, I don't know what to do. My parents do think out patient will help me. I don't know if it will or not.

My psychiatrist also said that if I keep throwing up I have to see my GP so he can do some tests. I don't know how I feel about that.

Anyways, this was just an update on how I'm doing. Thanks for reading, I guess.

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Old 11-12-2015, 10:38 AM   #6
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I guess the only way to know if it works for you is to give it another chance and try it again.

Yes you'll have to drop out of the college classes which you don't want to do. But which right now is more important to you, your health or education that you actually don't have to do yet?

Well done for seeking support on this.



'Cause I'll always remember you the same.
Oh eyes like wild flowers within demons of change ♥


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Old 11-12-2015, 11:01 AM   #7
Hiway202
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I suppose you're right. I guess I'll do that. Or keep trying to find another support group that is closer to where I live. So far, no luck, so I guess it's this one.




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