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Old 31-08-2014, 04:59 AM   #1
Snow White.
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Three months.

It's been three months now since I was raped (I want to say sexually assaulted to somehow make it less real, but it was rape).

I'm still thinking about it every so often, it still seems like part of me, like part of my identity now? It's hard to explain it. Not like I'm wearing it with pride but I'm keenly aware that I have overcome it but it still sits in my mind like it's a key part of me.

I honestly thought by now I wouldn't be thinking about it, much less thinking of it as part of who I am. I was expecting to be back to Aimee by now and not have it even cross my mind.

I'm not so much stuck on the events (as in I'm not reliving them) but sometimes I get angry again that the police didn't do anything, or I'll discuss sexual assault and womens rights online. Or I'll want to tell people what happened.

Is this normal? Or have I got too stuck on what happened to me?

I know this is a bit confusing, thank you for reading x

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Old 31-08-2014, 09:23 AM   #2
LittleCloud
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*hugs* Aimee- I can relate. It wasn't sexual assault but the assault and what happened with my nephew last year, almost a year ago is like that in me. It's a little imperfection that hurts whenever I touch on it with my mind but it also feels like in it I passed a point where I can't go back to where I was. For me not enough was done and because my nephew is still not being treated well like you I want to be loud and use my experience to help others. Is this what you mean in wanting to talk? Keep fighting lovely



So she lights up a candle for hope to be found
Captive and blind by the darkness around
Each wave a promise, a new hope reborn
Sunrise consoles at the break of dawn

Kamelot - A Sailorman's Hymn Lyrics



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Old 31-08-2014, 10:21 AM   #3
Snow White.
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Yeah that is what I mean :) Where possible it's good to be able to share my story and encourage other people to believe in themselves and their rights. I've been researching feminism and affirmative consent theories and sharing knowledge about that on things like Facebook discussions about rape (for example).

I really really like your expression "a little imperfection that hurts whenever I touch on it with my mind". That's perfect, thank you for taking the time to express everything you have above. It's been really helpful and I feel less alone.

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Old 02-09-2014, 03:59 PM   #4
LittleCloud
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You're welcome Aimee- you're right about using the experience to help empower others. I often do the same and even though I wasn't perfect, by using your own experience it's possible to (possibly) help others



So she lights up a candle for hope to be found
Captive and blind by the darkness around
Each wave a promise, a new hope reborn
Sunrise consoles at the break of dawn

Kamelot - A Sailorman's Hymn Lyrics



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Old 02-09-2014, 07:25 PM   #5
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Just wanted to say you're really not alone. I thought I'd be 'over it' but now, 5 years on, but I'm not, every so often it grips my soul & somehow, I wriggle free. That however, doesn't mean its all you are, you're not just a victim, you're a survivor, & you have immense strength.

I love you,
x







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Old 05-09-2014, 10:29 PM   #6
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You're not stuck at all, and in all honesty it sounds like by sharing your experience or identifying more strongly with feminism, you are finding positive ways in which to cope. Three months is no time at all. Imagine if you had broken your spine; nobody (yourself included) would expect you to be healed by three months. I think most people would expect overcoming sexual assault to take longer than any physical trauma.

If it helps, I am similar in terms of researching theories or feminism. I am a huge advocate of Lewis-Herman's perspective on trauma psychiatry, and find it helpful to be critical of labels like BPD when problems are more likely to stem from other peoples' horrific actions rather than the affected individual. You are certainly not alone and I really hope you can be kind and patient with yourself.

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