... I went to Tesco at about 10,, 'cause everything (food wise) is reduced & lalalalala I'm fat&ugly&piggy, so I bought a lot.
I was already a nervous wreck. My hands wereAreStill shaking. I was already dizzy & I've been feeling my body shut down for weeks,,, I've been scared for weeks,,, been paranoid & anti-social & a falling over messy flying fucked off my face wreck, for weeks.
I went to pay.
Stood there, a gang,,, I already got scared, paranoid [They are going to kill me,, hurt me,, think I'm fat 'cause of the food, stupidstupidstupid], the usual. Then I notice one of them is someone who sexually abused me as a child.
Sweat, & the shakes come harder & more floor shaking.
I get flashbacks & they taunted me,, made gagging sounds [they know I'm bulimic.].
Then the worst flashback,,, ever comes [icantsaywhatitwas] && I'm so terrified & convinced & feel its real & they are laughing at me & I can feel her touching me all over again,, &
The following content has been hidden - Reason : Ashamed.
I wet myself. In front of the whole store.
& so I crumpled into tears & ran into the bathroom & threw up & tried to clean myself up but I couldn't, I was [& still am,] convinced they are coming to get me in the toilets & hurt me. I left the toilets && they laughed at me &... Eugh.
& I am now going to binge&purge & hope I die. they are under my skin,,, I can feel it.
Baby girl, I am so sorry this happened.
& please don't be ashamed that you wet yourself, please.
Anyone in that situation could do that.
It's because you were frightened, anxious, panicky, having flashbacks, etc.
This can cause you to lose control of your body.
It's not shameful baby girl, it must have been horrible...
I'm sorry I wasn't there with you.
I would give those girls something to fucking laugh about.
*holds your hand & holds you close & safely*
I love you angel, you're amazing okay?
Please be safe, for me.
I see you in nearly 5 days, & it will all be okay, I promise you.
I will make it okay again, just as you do with me.
You're my shining star & my always.
Please don't harm yourself.
If you're going to b/p, at least drink water afterwards & try to keep that down?
I'm so worried about you.
I can't lose you, remember we're moving in together this month?
You'll be with me all the time, and if anyone, & I mean ANYONE, tries to hurt you, I will hunt them down & make them pay.
I promise you that.
Please, just please hold on for me.
I will hold your hand, & hold you close, & be with you 24 7 very soon.
Just hang on for me.
I need you angel, I need you so much.
You're the air I breathe & you're the reason my heart beats.
I LOVE YOU.
Very much, more than I can describe...
Talk to me, instead of doing something harmful...
Oh gosh, that sounds such an awful experience. I am sorry to hear what a tough day its been. *offers gentle hugs*
you are BRAVE, please dont ever forget that. the rat that abused you is weak, and ugly. how dare anyone do that to you. they are the one who should be taunted and humiliated.
i know no words will help really, but do something which will comfort you tonight-do you have a favourite blanket/teddy to cuddle?
Oh Helen. (Big cuddles). The worst part is that I know them. :( I'm so sorry that you had to go through that tonight. I can really relate on some level. A couple of times I've caught people from school before, and they still play the old same tricks. Just remember, they are that sad. Pathetic. They're the stupid ones. To think that they STILL feel the need to laugh and taunt others for some strange form of amusement. Hold your head up high chicken, cause you do not have that strange form of mind to think that taunting others is nice. Talk to Sarah, try to keep down water.
You know where I am.
Baby girl, you are not stupid for putting this up.
You need & deserve support.
Please, try to rest? Try and sleep... watch family guy like me... just try to rest, no binging, try? Please?
I love you...
I don't think you are stupid for posting this thread. It sounds like a really damn stressful situation. You have every right to be upset. A cigarette and some picture editing sounds like a good idea though. Please try and take care of yourself.
Awh Helen. Please don't be ashamed, your body reacts in panicked ways when confronted with such a massive threat. The same thing has happened to me when I was faced with immense fear.
Whatever these people did is their abuse, it is not yours to carry. I hope one day you will feel free of this unfair weight on you.
Be gentle with yourself, lean on the safe people in your life, keep talking. You are very loved and cared for now, the abuse is over [I understand its not in your head] but keep reminding yourself of where you are, at home, touch the sheets, feel your surroundings, ground your body and try to stay with the here and now.
*hugs* I know you might not want to, but you can always PM me.
im so sorry tp what happened and how tought things have been for yo i agree with t
what everyone has said above u shouldnt feel ashamed hun
and its not silly putting this thread up , i hope u feel abit better soon
u dont have to answer but how is the support with your ed and proffesional help you get havent heard from you in ages on the posts
hugs please stay strong
young girl its alright your tears will soon dry your soon be free to fly
she's falling from grace , she's all over the place..............