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Old 05-01-2011, 12:54 AM   #1
EyelinerAndCigarettes
 
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Contains abuse - Hand to hold?

... I went to Tesco at about 10,, 'cause everything (food wise) is reduced & lalalalala I'm fat&ugly&piggy, so I bought a lot.
I was already a nervous wreck. My hands were AreStill shaking. I was already dizzy & I've been feeling my body shut down for weeks,,, I've been scared for weeks,,, been paranoid & anti-social & a falling over messy flying fucked off my face wreck, for weeks.
I went to pay.
Stood there, a gang,,, I already got scared, paranoid [They are going to kill me,, hurt me,, think I'm fat 'cause of the food, stupidstupidstupid], the usual. Then I notice one of them is someone who sexually abused me as a child.
I freak.
Sweat, & the shakes come harder & more floor shaking.
I get flashbacks & they taunted me,, made gagging sounds [they know I'm bulimic.].
Then the worst flashback,,, ever comes [icantsaywhatitwas] && I'm so terrified & convinced & feel its real & they are laughing at me & I can feel her touching me all over again,, &
The following content has been hidden - Reason : Ashamed.
I wet myself. In front of the whole store.
& so I crumpled into tears & ran into the bathroom & threw up & tried to clean myself up but I couldn't, I was [& still am,] convinced they are coming to get me in the toilets & hurt me. I left the toilets && they laughed at me &... Eugh.

& I am now going to binge&purge & hope I die. they are under my skin,,, I can feel it.


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Old 05-01-2011, 01:00 AM   #2
Cryptic.
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Oh god.
Baby girl, I am so sorry this happened.
& please don't be ashamed that you wet yourself, please.
Anyone in that situation could do that.
It's because you were frightened, anxious, panicky, having flashbacks, etc.
This can cause you to lose control of your body.
It's not shameful baby girl, it must have been horrible...
I'm sorry I wasn't there with you.
I would give those girls something to fucking laugh about.
*holds your hand & holds you close & safely*

I love you angel, you're amazing okay?
Please be safe, for me.
I see you in nearly 5 days, & it will all be okay, I promise you.
I will make it okay again, just as you do with me.
You're my shining star & my always.
Please don't harm yourself.
Please.
If you're going to b/p, at least drink water afterwards & try to keep that down?
I'm so worried about you.
I can't lose you, remember we're moving in together this month?
You'll be with me all the time, and if anyone, & I mean ANYONE, tries to hurt you, I will hunt them down & make them pay.
I promise you that.

Please, just please hold on for me.
I will hold your hand, & hold you close, & be with you 24 7 very soon.
Just hang on for me.
I need you angel, I need you so much.
You're the air I breathe & you're the reason my heart beats.
I LOVE YOU.
Very much, more than I can describe...

Talk to me, instead of doing something harmful...
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx



In a world where you can be anything, be yourself.






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Old 05-01-2011, 01:02 AM   #3
little_miss
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Oh gosh, that sounds such an awful experience. I am sorry to hear what a tough day its been. *offers gentle hugs*
you are BRAVE, please dont ever forget that. the rat that abused you is weak, and ugly. how dare anyone do that to you. they are the one who should be taunted and humiliated.
i know no words will help really, but do something which will comfort you tonight-do you have a favourite blanket/teddy to cuddle?
xx

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Old 05-01-2011, 01:06 AM   #4
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/Huuuggggs.

That sounds Like a horrible experience. I don't really know what to say but I just wanted to let you know that I read what you posted and I care. <3











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Old 05-01-2011, 01:32 AM   #5
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Oh Helen. (Big cuddles). The worst part is that I know them. :( I'm so sorry that you had to go through that tonight. I can really relate on some level. A couple of times I've caught people from school before, and they still play the old same tricks. Just remember, they are that sad. Pathetic. They're the stupid ones. To think that they STILL feel the need to laugh and taunt others for some strange form of amusement. Hold your head up high chicken, cause you do not have that strange form of mind to think that taunting others is nice. Talk to Sarah, try to keep down water.
You know where I am.
xxxxxx

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Old 05-01-2011, 01:41 AM   #6
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Thanks everyone & babygirl, I can't wait to hold you

I'm just... Numb. I've had my Mum crying to me most of the night about my Dad & shit, so I'm emotionally drained & haven't got space in my brain to think much... Just eat.

I feel so stupid putting this thread up now >.<

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Old 05-01-2011, 01:47 AM   #7
Cryptic.
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Baby girl, you are not stupid for putting this up.
You need & deserve support.
I promise.
Please, try to rest? Try and sleep... watch family guy like me... just try to rest, no binging, try? Please?
I love you...
xxxxxxxxxxx



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Old 05-01-2011, 02:12 AM   #8
EyelinerAndCigarettes
 
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<3 Thank yo all so much. I've managed to stop binging for a minute, to catch my breath & reply.

Mmm, yeah. I dont want to feel.

I might have a cigarette & edit some pics of MKA/Me&Sar & then b/p in bed & hopfully get sleepy enough... My mind wont stop racing.

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Old 05-01-2011, 02:14 AM   #9
Pomegranate
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I don't think you are stupid for posting this thread. It sounds like a really damn stressful situation. You have every right to be upset. A cigarette and some picture editing sounds like a good idea though. Please try and take care of yourself.





*Proud Plumeria Sister*







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Old 05-01-2011, 02:14 AM   #10
Cryptic.
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I'm all for the cig & editing pics, but please try to go to bed tonight without b/ping?
Please.
Angel, it's too much.
Your body is under so much strain.
Give it a rest for tonight, please?
I love you.



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Old 05-01-2011, 02:23 AM   #11
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Awh Helen. Please don't be ashamed, your body reacts in panicked ways when confronted with such a massive threat. The same thing has happened to me when I was faced with immense fear.

Whatever these people did is their abuse, it is not yours to carry. I hope one day you will feel free of this unfair weight on you.

Be gentle with yourself, lean on the safe people in your life, keep talking. You are very loved and cared for now, the abuse is over [I understand its not in your head] but keep reminding yourself of where you are, at home, touch the sheets, feel your surroundings, ground your body and try to stay with the here and now.

*hugs* I know you might not want to, but you can always PM me.

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Old 05-01-2011, 02:30 AM   #12
NeverBetter
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im so sorry tp what happened and how tought things have been for yo i agree with t
what everyone has said above u shouldnt feel ashamed hun
and its not silly putting this thread up , i hope u feel abit better soon
u dont have to answer but how is the support with your ed and proffesional help you get havent heard from you in ages on the posts
hugs please stay strong



young girl its alright your tears will soon dry your soon be free to fly

she's falling from grace , she's all over the place..............




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Old 05-01-2011, 06:11 PM   #13
Cryptic.
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My Angel, how are you feeling about this now?
How are you feeling in general?
*holds*
5 days my amazing baby girl, 5 days & I can hold you for real & make everything better for you.
xxxxxx



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Old 06-01-2011, 12:50 AM   #14
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Helen, you've nothing to be ashamed about, at all, they're such horrible people and I just want to give you a hug tbh, you don't deserve that.
How are you tonight?



I've got ham but I'm not a hamster :)


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Old 06-01-2011, 12:54 AM   #15
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im so sorry for what happened.Sounds so horrible i cant even think of the words but hun they are just well.....i better not repeat it here, but you know what i think.

And if i was there well...i would probably be in a lot of trouble now!

Your amazing.You really are.Please listen to everyone else here and keep talking.

You were really brave to share this.

How are you doing now?

xx



i do not always manage to be around but i wish you all the very best - love and luck to you all!


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Old 16-01-2011, 04:50 PM   #16
DestroyMe
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*hugs*
I'm sorry that happened lovely but I agree with Sar' because of what was going on it's nothing to be ashamed of you weren't in tune with your body at that point.
please be safe lovely.
<3
xx



Losing the possibility of something is the exact same thing as losing hope and without hope nothing can survive.

Rest in Love Sar-sis. I'll see you the next time around hopefully <3 12/11/92-05/18/16
AJs mommy ❤️ 11/26/17
Married to my best friend and Soulmate 3/5/18 ❤️💍


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