I feel depressed about my past. What can i do?
I am only 24 and I feel like I have been through so much.Most of it is due to my poor choices but please hear me out. Please don't judge me as I have a good heart. I take full responsibility for my choices. As for my life, My mother raised me, she was always a good mother, she was a single mother. My father never cared. I grew up without a dad and i feel that this also scarred me. When I was just 15 years old, I met my first boyfriend who told me he was 27, but later I found he was actually 45. He got me pregnant 6 months later, at the age of 16, however I suffered a miscarriage which I am actually thankful for because I did not want a child at that time (in high school) and I didn't know much, or anything, about sex. I was very na´ve. 2 months after that, he tried getting me pregnant again and I suffered another miscarriage. His mother told me he wants me to be a housewife and have children with him. I later found out that he was not only lying about his age, but also about his son (who is older than me). I trusted him. After all, he was all i knew. Back when we first met, he introduced his son to me as "his brother". I was heartbroken and disappointed. He lied about so much. I was still in high school, he made me skip school and my grades suffered badly, I was failing. I almost failed high school because of the relationship. I didn't want to ruin my life or disappoint my mother, who has struggled all her life, alone, just to be a good mom to me. However, I was smart and attended night school (after class) and got my high school early at age 17. As for my dysfunctional relationship, it lasted 4 years, there were many times when I wanted to leave because I knew it was wrong and that he was abusing me but because he was my first boyfriend, and with so little life experience, i stayed. It really got to me though. It mentally scarred me. I left that relationship for good at age 19 and i started to rebel, alot. I believe this was because of what i went through in that relationship and i felt like i was destroyed, my innocence taken away. I was talking to a man i met online who i thought would take me out to a party, instead he introduced me to "escorting". I later found out that he ran an escorting agency. I remember i was very scared but i tried it, unfortuntely. I was doing in that life for 5 years. Please try not to judge me. Times were really hard and i wanted to help my mom out with bills,expenses and save for college. Thankfully, I recently got out of that terrible life, but i feel ive been through hell and back. I enrolled in university now and i have a part time job but when i look back, I feel like crying and i feel so depressed. I also wonder if i will ever be able to live a normal life again, without ever looking back? And if so, how can i do that?