Reviews Requested- Contains upsetting material - Usually out of nowhere - poem
Another poem, this is my attempt at describing one of the processes my head goes through as I build towards an anxiety attack. Please let me know if there you have any thoughts or suggestions for it as it is a rough draft and needs some work.
Usually out of nowhere
My head is to crowded and noisy,
I can't hear the truth through the throng,
throbbing the pathways in my thoughts.
Reflected in my throat by a lump,
so colossal I can hardly breathe.
I'm bombarded by the bustle,
that resonates with the cramped cluster,
easily comparable to a food market in Gloucester.
One with freebies.
The river flows down the dock,
I don't know where it springs from,
I've tried many a map,
but I don't have the resources.
So I force this flow to stop.
I tell everyone to go home,
hide away the unknown,
and return to the un-peaceful,
quiet of on my own.
I worry that the boy I bury,
is all alone and I cant tell,
if the tears are his,
or if there is more of me to learn.
I have to shut it down.
Shut it down and stand firm,
so I don't catch myself dying again.
I try to keep my brain in the room.
The room I am sitting in.
Keep my hands by my sides.
I need to be weapon-less,
but disarmed feels dangerous,
So I jiggle my foot or rock,
from side to side and then a scramble,
of tears convey the tide.
It's just a second but I keep it in,
By slapping my eyes,
I am dreaming of knives till my head collides,
with the side till I get up and pace it off,
but I find myself at the fridge or a shop,
with a snack in my gob,
far from the feeling that started this off.
Without even knowing I have run,
so far but it is never quite enough,
to escape the bazaar. It's a long way from the start,
but it feels like I'm stuck in the thick of it,
surrounded by the noise. Surrounded by the fire.