Haha, I bet no one will read this, but ah well.
Since September I've been feeling so much better in myself. Things have been going really good for me. I've changed a lot, anyone who knows me will tell you that.
For the past 4/5 years up until September I was majorly derpessed. I had sleeping and eating problems. I had no confidence or self esteem. I was self-harming everyday. I hated myself. I cried myself to sleep. I pushed everyone away. I felt alone and distressed most of the time. I was also very sucidal. I was a mess, I wanted to end everything.
In September I attempted suicide at school (Long story to as of why I did it at school). After that while I was recovering in hospital I needed to think about where I was going after I got out of hospital. It took a lot of thinking. I'd already figured out why I felt so bad and everything before
my sucide attempt, so I didn't have to figure that out.
So I thought and thought and finally came to the conclusion that I was the one who had to move forward, no one else. I shouldn't be depending on and blaming other people to 'make me better', give me 'the answers' or 'a magical cure'. I'm the one who has take the stepping stones. Plus I'm also one of those people that don't like being told what to do. So I didn't want any doctor, counsellor, pysch, ect telling me what I need to do in order to get better. I wanted to do it myself, so I can do it in my own time, when I'm ready and the way I want to. :]
This is my life I wrote all by myself, which I've followed to get to where I am now.
1. Keep up personal hygiene even if you really don't feel like it. Force yourself. e.g. shower everyday, change clothes, ect.
2. Do at least 30 minutes of exercise each day. It will keep your stress levels down. e.g. dance in your room to your favourite songs, go for a mini walk to the park with your ipod on, walk around the house if you don't feel like going outside.
3. Write at least of 20, yes 20 things that you can do as distractions that work when you feel down/triggered. e.g. listen to music, watch TV, hold ice, ect.
4. Learn and pratice breathing exercises, as this will help when you're in stressful situations and it'll also relax you. e.g. in exams.
(Mouth closed, inhale slowly through your nose and count to five, then breathe out slowly counting to 8).
5. Try listening to 'happy' songs instead of depressing music. e.g. sex bomb - Tom Jones, you can't stop the beat - Hairspray, walking on sunshine - Katrina & The Waves, ect.
6. Do not keep things bottled up inside - this does you NO favours.. vent it all out. e.g. talk to a family member, friend, helpline, post on support websites, ect.
7. If you have a problem which is triggering you/upsetting you and it won't sort itself out.. then you need to figure out how you're going to sort it. Personally, if I have a problem I go to my mum and my mum sorts it all out for me. Though for you this might be different. So find an adult who is helpful who you can talk to or try sorting out the problems yourself - but it's harder that way.
8. Try eating three meals a day.. if you can't because of an ED then just eat little and often throughout the day like I do and still do!. e.g. something every 1-2 hours.
9. Try drinking as much water as you can through the day. (:
10. Try opening up to someone about your problems/what you're going through more.. the more they know the more they'll be able to help/support you. If you feel you can't talk to them face to face about your past/current problems maybe write them a letter and give it to them.
11. Sleep is important for people with depression.. they either sleep too little like you or too much like me :P.. you should be getting 8 hours or more of sleep a night. Try not going on the computer or watch TV at least an hour before you go to bed, have a hot milky drink if you want, have a warm bath/shower, maybe even try sleep therapy like me if you want.. if you want to know more about it then you can ask me! See if you can increase how much sleep you're getting, even if it's only by one hour - ohh and try getting up and going to bed at the same time everyday if possible.
12. BE POSITIVE EVEN ON DAYS WHEN YOU FEEL SO LOW.
when you have time write 10 things that are positive about you/your life.
Every morning when you get up and/or when you go to sleep say something positive to yourself, "I am strong" "I can do this" "I'm not breaking", ect.
13. If need be, don't help other people. I know that sounds horrible but sometimes getting involved/helping someone else can get in the way of your recovery (unless of course you do it as a distraction or it helps you/keeps you busy)
14. Set yourself mini goals to reach (e.g get to a certain number of days without harming or taking part in white wednesday or something)
13. Your harming: if you're counting it's up to you weather you do it in days, hours, minutes, seconds.. I mean I've done it in seconds on my wrost day before! Every second is another bit of progress!
14. Suicide: Don't make plans/notes. If you have any plans for suicide attmpts and/or notes please destory them.
15. Take it day by day! xD
That's my list, remember though recovery is different for everyone! What might work for you, might not work for someone else. :]
I didn't do all this at once! It's like juggling, you start off with one ball (e.g keeping up personal hygiene) then once you're keeping that up add another ball.. (e.g. a little exercise each day) until you're keeping up your personal hygiene and doing exercise and keep adding when you feel ready. Get me?
Since follwing my getting better list I've achieved all this;
1. I've gone over 4 months without self-harming in any form.
2. I'm managing to get through urges without getting into a state.
3. I can go out the house without feeling anxious.
4. I can have a conversation with someone I've never met before and not feel apprehensive.
5. All suicide thoughts, notes and behavouir are completely gone. (not including thoughts about my suicide attempt - it doesn't count).
6. I no longer isolate myself in my bedrooom 24/7.
7. I go out loads more than I used to.
8. I don't spend all day on the laptop anymore.
9. I've done everything that has been expected of me at my special school I go to now (once a week)
10. I have no where near have as much anxiety as I used to.
11. I don't cry myself to sleep anymore.
12. I'm more confident in myself.
13. I don't hate myself anymore.
14. I'm positive about things in life.
15. I feel in control of myself and my life.
&& lots moreee! xD
It's just so woah! Lol. (:
I still have a long way to go through, but I've done absolutley amazing so far! There's no reason why anyone on here can't make their own 'getting better' list (:
Though I think people need to realize that YOU'RE the one who has to pick yourself up and put yourself on the right road and walk along it. YOU'RE recovery and happiness comes from YOU, no one else. You shouldn't depend on other people to make that happen. I think people forget that when they're in a bad situation/place, but that's ok but I forgot when I was ill, so I don't blame any of you guys here (just to make it clear). I used to blame the doctors for being as 'ill' as I was because they didn't have a 'magical cure' to make me better, until I realize I HAD the magical cure. (:
Even though I'm doing the recovering, I still have a MHN and psych to just support me along the way and that's ok as long as you don't expect them to take the steps for you! (:
I think ya'll are awesome and all deserve happiness and ya'll will get there one day. You may not believe it now, but trust me you will. Much love. xo.