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I'm struggling to live with the recurrence of my BPD symptoms
Hi
I used to be about a fair bit on chat and sometimes on the boards but haven't so much in the last 3 months.
Things went really downhill, I ended up hospitalised again but then fought for discharge against the professionals advice.
But anyway I worked really hard at my own recovery and things were steadily progressing and I was managing my emotions and urges really quite well.
But the last few days something seems to have almost snapped. I'm feel absolutely paralysed and debilitated. I feel like I'm demoniacally possessed by the anger outbursts I have. I have been so consumed by this grief struck rage. I have been so close to hurting myself. I've given myself a few knocks to the head but no severe self harm like I have done previously.
The worst part of it is that I'm taken it out on my Mum and her partner. The ones I love the most. My Mum is pretty much being my carer at the moment because local services are diabolical.
I feel like this is a real set in cycle of depression. I recognise the lack of physical energy, barely able to move a limb out of bed, not wanting to wash, not even having an appetite which is really unusual for me because I binge eat and am bulimic. My speech is slow, I just stare at a wall for hours.
Anyway I'm going out today, with my Mum to the coast, just to get me out of the house and keep doing stuff even though I have zero energy or desire to.
I just wanted to be able to get this all down and reach out to the community. RYL has always been a rock for me and I miss the friendship and kindness from people here.
Thank you for reading.
Laura x
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