I think my mum has EUPD but I don't know what I can do.

[Steel Maiden]

My care coordinator and I believe strongly that my mum has EUPD (Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder). However my mum has no insight into her problems. She also has had anorexia since she was a teenager. And she's had an alcohol problem for most of 17 years (I believe she drinks less now as she hasn't got much money).

I would like advice on how I can be of help to her and how I can look after myself too when I am with her, as I find emotions hard to understand.

This evening she texted me and asked me, with no warning, to walk a kilometre to a place to meet her because she wanted to give me some soup. I said it is dark and I am really busy with uni work, and that I cannot cope with sudden changes to routine. I said (politely) can I collect it tomorrow morning, I am happy to meet her up then. She replied with "you know how to hurt me!" I did not understand how she came to that conclusion. So I called her. She kept me on the phone for 38 minutes and she had so much vocal inflection in her speech that I found it hard to follow. I have had increased anxiety since and I am trying to avert a meltdown. She wants to call me again later on!

My mum gets very hyper and agitated if she doesn't have company every hour of her waking day. I understand that is her personality type but it clashes with my strong introversion.

I want to help my mum and be a good daughter, but I really don't know how. Every time I respond to her, she reacts in a way I do not understand.

Advice?

[talaiporia]

I'm a bit late, but I'd suggest turning your phone off. Sometimes people behave in an unreasonable manner, and it sounds like your mum does a lot (you've mentioned other things before) but, ultimately only a professional would be able to diagnose a PD. From what you've said before your mum has quite a strong negative impact on your wellbeing - I think there was mention of a possible restraining order at one point? - so I wonder if it might be better to avoid contact?

[Steel Maiden]

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaiporia

I'm a bit late, but I'd suggest turning your phone off. Sometimes people behave in an unreasonable manner, and it sounds like your mum does a lot (you've mentioned other things before) but, ultimately only a professional would be able to diagnose a PD. From what you've said before your mum has quite a strong negative impact on your wellbeing - I think there was mention of a possible restraining order at one point? - so I wonder if it might be better to avoid contact?

I blocked her on my phone (I have a blocking app) so all her calls to me will go straight to voicemail.

My mum emotionally blackmails me quite often. However I saw her on Tuesday this week (the day before my birthday) when my care coordinator had just had a 30 minute conversation with her about my autism. My mum showed understanding on Tuesday, but today she is back to expecting me to understand emotions and handle people.

I have to give her a letter tomorrow (it was sent to her old address, which is this house, and she refuses to give me her address so I can't post it to her), but she said she won't take me out, we will just exchange letter for soup (she made me soup) and go. Let's hope that happens.

I said to my care coordinator that my mum is an anti-me.

[talaiporia]

Do you think it is beneficial for you to have contact with your mum? It sounds like she is manipulative and has a lack of understanding for your autism-related difficulties.

[Steel Maiden]

I would prefer if she could permanently move to Poland (where she comes from) tbh. But if I block her out, she sends me blackmail through email and through the letterbox.

[Torn.]

Maybe you can try and see even less of her than you currently do. Have you tried educating your mother about EUPD to see if she thinks she has a problem?

[Steel Maiden]

I'll be limiting contact with my mum then. As for educating her about EUPD, that's a good idea. I might just talk to her about it in a geneal sense, perhaps she'll realise.