Just checking in....

[Demonic]

Hi,

It’s been a very long while since I’ve been on RYL. It’s really humbling to see the Virtual Psych Ward stickied to the Veterans Board. I hope that my stupid idea helped someone.

Life has been pretty good. I finally met a woman who I proposed to and she said yes :)

I have also finally found what works to keep me sane and level. It’s a mix of working out several times a week and low level dose of meds. I’m still being followed by a psych but it’s pretty much only for maintenance.

I’ve had my ups and downs over the years but I haven’t SI’d in 13+ years. I’ve wanted to at times but I haven’t fallen back into that. I’ve explained the scars to my fiancé and she fully accepted and is very supportive of me.

Here’s the real reason why I’m here... my fiancé has cancer and has been fighting it for 3 years(when I met her, she was in remission). She has gone through several chemo treatments and is now doing clinical trials. She’s the strongest woman I know and is always positive. She’s been keeping up with running and working through pretty much all her treatments. Her strength and positive attitude is amazing.

But now, she’s having a harder time with it now and the treatments are wearing her down. She hasn’t been able to run or workout in quite a while. This was something that is really important to her and is really bothering her (and me)that she can’t do those activities anymore. I’m pretty much always positive with her but inside, I’m terrified. Thoughts of the cancer winning keep creeping in my head and I'm having a harder and harder time fending those thoughts. I’m scared for what will happen to her and I’m scared with what will happen to me. I’m questioning wether I’d be able to survive through something like the cancer taking her away...

It’s funny though, she’s able to ease pretty much all my anxiety and makes me forget about it when I’m with her.

I still hold hope that the treatments work to cure her and that she can resume her favourite activities. In the meantime, I stay supportive and help her plan the wedding. A day that we both look forward to.

I keep working out and run to keep myself sane. She recognizes the good it does for me and encourages me to continue with it.

All this made me think of my old support system and I felt that maybe I should reconnect. I was glad to see that my alias was still available.

Thanks,

D’

[wildly insane]

welcome back, I wish you and your fiancé all the best wishes and hope that she gets well. It sounds really tough and it's great to hear you able to keep things under control through exercise, although don't fall over in the snow! It sounds like being able to talk to people really helps you so hopefully if you need us here we can help.

[Hey_Delilah]

I’m so sorry to hear that you’re both going through this. It’s a terrible illness, and your worries are so understandable. It sounds like you’re a wonderful support for one another though, and while it’s terrifying not knowing what the future holds you both seem to be handling it incredibly. You’re allowed a wobble, and you’re allowed to say you’re struggling.
There may not be much I can do in reality, if you need a friendly ear or someone to let off steam to then just give me a shout. I’ll be very much hoping for the best for you both.

[Demonic]

Thanks for the support. I’m feeling a bit better. I’ll be seeing the doc at the end of the month. Hopefully he’ll be able to give me insight or something to help with the anxiety as of late.

Thanks again,

D’