Surviving Meetings/Group Discussions

[one_step_closer]

Does anyone have any advice on how to get through a focus group/meeting? I have to go to a meeting with some other service users and support workers to talk about how services help us. People from the council will be there because they might be making cuts to MH services. I don't know how long the meeting will last but even if it doesn't last long I tend to zone out and feel like I'm going to cry and need to run away. I meant to mention it to my support worker who phoned today to confirm the time but I forgot. It was horrible yesterday when we were preparing for it after the gym group and that didn't last very long. My support worker keeps saying it's important that we all go so I can't back out. I could maybe use my fidget cube and soft bunny keyring but I need to not look anxious. What if I start rocking or hugging myself and swaying? I'll be putting so much effort into appearing ok that I won't be able to contribute much. I don't know if I even have anything to contribute anyway.

[sandalwood]

It's perfectly okay to look anxious. I get the feeling you feel you have 'no way out' of this. Maybe thinking you have options and a choice would work in making the future group meeting more bearable if you choose to go. You have a choice whether to attend or not.

Your feeling of zoning out and crying and wanting to run away is because you're most probably panicking. If the group causes you this much distress , surely your support worker would understand if you preferred to not go, or only attend for how long you're comfortable with?

The feelings you're talking about sound overwhelming and very distressing. If I saw someone in a group with your symptoms of anxiety, I'd want to unload the burden, and if that meant that person step out of the room to feel better, that would be fine.

[Zurg]

Lindsay, i honestly Think that if you do attend and then start feeling really anxious and restless, it would be perfectly okay to leave. I know you feel like you have to do this and do it 'right' but you don't need to push yourself into a really uncomfortable situation. I Think your support worker wants it to be a good experience for you, maybe a Way to feel included in the formal decisions about cut downs, but if it becomes too stressful then obviously that is not what you need.

Tomorrow, try to feel whether you feel okay with going. If you do, then just aim at getting there. If you don't feel like you can manage, it is okay to send a message saying you can't do it. I know a lot of people want us to be able to leave our comfort zones but there's a time and place for that and it really isn't worth it if it Will cause you to have a breakdown. Though your support worker might be sad about that, i'm sure she Will understand.

[not_so_insig]

If having your bunny keyring helps then go for it. I attend a hearing voices group and a member does her crochet because she gets extremely anxious. Otherwise she just paces and it stops her.

I agree with zurg tell your support worker/someone if you feel you have to go. To me I used to get extremely anxious in group situations and I always made sure I knew where the exit was. If sitting at the end of a row helps you feel better than do it. I would say however try a grounding exercise first before you leave. There are various ones such as 3 3 1 you know which works best for you. Or at least you think.

[one_step_closer]

Thanks everyone. I tried to phone my support worker today but she was out all day. The meeting is tomorrow and she'll phone me to make sure I don't have covid, depending on what time she phones I might be able to talk to her a bit about my worries. I really do have to go, no one goes to these things, but I might have nothing to say. I may just sit there zoning out or the men will get louder and I won't be keeping track of what's going on. I hope no one directly asks me a question. We have notes but I don't think I could even answer a question where we already have written an answer. I'm just going to be a presence in this very important meeting and that's not good.

I need to ask how long it might go on for and if I can step out for a while if it's getting too much but honestly I'd probably just put up with it because I'd feel awkward leaving even just for a short while. I'm also quieter than everyone too so I struggle to find a space in between other people talking to express views if I have any and then when there is a space everyone has moved on. There's no point to me even being there but I'll try.

[one_step_closer]

I spoke to my support worker and she just told me to use my fidget cube. She didn't say I could leave if it got too much. Supposedly we're having lunch first at the meeting. That could be awkward. It's going to be such a long meeting for me. I wish I hadn't agreed to come but my support worker is pushy. She said it's ok if I say nothing, I could have just not come if that's the case. I already put my views in the survey. I can't get out of it. It's just so uncomfortable in my brain sitting there for so long and wishing it was over. I can't even describe the horrible feeling.

[sandalwood]

I used to feel similar to you, so I can empathise. Your support worker sounds like she's low on fully understanding your distress- and I completely see where you're coming from. I personally don't see why you should go, maybe communicating the reasons why you think you shouldn't go to your support worker might be an avenue worth exploring? As pushy as she is, you still have a choice not to attend- and this is for the good of your mental health.

[one_step_closer]

I went. Someone was a bit upset and anxious so I gave her my fidget cube to use so I had to settle with stroking my bunny keyring which didn't help much. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, I did calm down a bit after we got into it.

[sandalwood]

That's great news! I'm glad it wasn't so bad as you expected and you managed your anxiety well.

[one_step_closer]

Thank you.