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Old 15-01-2019, 05:05 AM   #1
jacey
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Reasons For It?

Do i post here? My little sister and dad died from genetic disease that me and my older sister are dying of, involving a lot of pain and being trapped in your body, it seems sort of worthless like i'm dying anyways, i get i can't od because charcoal tastes aweful!! i haven't hurt myself in a long time but i really want to, my mom calls it attention seeking and that's not what it is.. it'd just be a great escape but it's soo bad in its own way compared to just the one reason to do it, do you know what i mean? i think theres millions of people in the world so why save me, why help me when there's so many that don't get helped, i'm not that important.

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Old 15-01-2019, 09:41 PM   #2
Zurg
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It is not true that you are not important. You exist, that in itself makes you important.

I really get what you're saying about needing some sort of escapism from your thoughts about the future and your illness. I just don't think self harm would really be the right wayto go about it. I wish i could take you to a place where you'd be surrounded by loving and supporting people every waking hour so you could experience the feeling of being important and someone who is worth more than just the label of attention seeking.

I can't do that,unfortunately. But i can say that i really hate the thought of you wasting your life on self harm. You know the drill, you know the reality of your future so try to hang on to the part of you that wants to live and experience life and not the part who wants to jump aboard the self destruction train.

And talk!!! Keep talking. If you can convince your mum you need to see someone that would be fantastic!!!! If you can't, or if you don't feel like asking her right now, then come and talk here. I can't emphasise the importance of sharing your thoughts and fears and worries. Getting them out of your head is therapeutic in itself and it leaves more room inside for the worthwhile stuff. Sharing is caring, even if it is only self care. It still counts!!!!

Doyou have friends to talk to??? Good friends, who will listen???

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Old 15-01-2019, 11:22 PM   #3
jacey
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no they almost all left when i started having symptoms seizures etc.. they don't want to handle what they don't have to

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Old 15-01-2019, 11:27 PM   #4
jacey
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therapy

i thought about therapy but i sleep from 5am to 5pm and they're all closed and if i change the schedule i'll get really sick it's extremely frusterating
but if i hurt myself i could distance myself from the idea of needing friends it used to be a really good way of avoidance to leave them alone and i'd have a part of me noone else can control

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Old 16-01-2019, 07:14 PM   #5
Zurg
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It may seem like a good idea to dive head first into self destruction to avoid dealing with loneliness and the prospect of an unpleasant future but i think i'll dare to say that at some point you'd look back at your life and wish you had chosen differently.

There are many ways to cope and still allow yourself to be angry or even bitter if you need it. But some of them won't involve things that are as harmful as self harm can be.

I was thinking, here in Denmark, it is sometimes possible to recieve therapy over the internet, like skyping with a therapist of some sort. Just throwing out a thought here because if it is in any way possible maybe that would be a solution to not being able to attend at normal opening hours????

If your friends disappeared, they might have been scared or badly informed. I am not making excuses but i was wondering if you ever thought about trying to get in touch with some of them again??? I know it would be hard and it must feel like they betrayed you but maybe some of the relations can be repaired????

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