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Old 21-01-2013, 03:08 AM   #1
TheArtistInThe Ambulance
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Graphic - Need Advice - When to admit self

Hello,

I do not know when I should go to the hospital. I've told my therapist, but I guess she doesn't understand the degree of my conflict.

I have been spending the past few days with my thoughts racing between killing myself and getting help. For the past few hours, I've been picking up the *****, applying enough pressure, and then retreating. I pick up the bottles and measure enough mg to do the job, then put the pills back. Over and over. It's getting late at night now.

I obviously want to get help, but I feel that I don't have the strength for anymore therapy and such. I'm ten years into this mess and I'm only feeling a little better and far more jaded than when I started. I feel like if I go to the hospital, they'll just charge me and send me home, since I've had enough control so far. But all it takes is one little impulse.

Who should I tell? Am I being over-dramatic?

Thanks guys,
rox

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Old 21-01-2013, 08:58 AM   #2
Kame
 
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Hi there,

I'm sorry that you're finding things so tough and I hope you've managed to get some sleep since this. I don't think you're being over dramatic and if you are having thoughts of killing yourself, then it is serious and you should seek help.

Maybe you could start with showing your therapist what you've written here, you could email it or phone them and read it out. It seems like it's much easier for you to write your thoughts out so you can use that to your advantage. What other support do you get? If you can't get through to your therapist and you are feeling as suicidal, please take yourself to the hospital. You're important and you should look after yourself.

As for your recovery being tough, it will be and I'm sure that progress you've made has made a huge difference to your life. I know you feel low and can't see it getting better now, but imagine when you're through this tough time and you can look back on how well you did.

Please keep fighting and take care of yourself,
Lanny x



You can't lose hope when it's hopeless.
You gotta hope more,
then put your fingers in your ears and go,
"Blah blah blah blah!"


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Old 21-01-2013, 01:45 PM   #3
Fire Fly
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Hi Rox,
Im sorry that you are struggling so much and things have been really hard for you.
I think by coming on RYL and posting a thread suggest alot about you wanting to recover as you are seeking the help. I understand the dilema you are going through however I would like to reinforce that you aren't a attention seeker; you are just going through a rough time but dont know how to get the support you really need.

You said you have a therapist, do they know how are you are feeling right now? How these conflicting thoughts are affecting you right now? Maybe if you have difficulties making them understand how you are feeling you could write it down properly and make them understand that way?

What makes you think that if you go to the hospital that they will just send you back? It takes alot of courage to go to the hospital when your suicidal but it also shows the professionals that you need help and you will do anything to get the right support that you are looking for! You are not being dramatic, you are just a normal person who really wants support - and theres nothing wrong with that!

Keep fighting! Your doing well!



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Old 21-01-2013, 09:10 PM   #4
PassedExpectations
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how are you doing today?

i don't have much to add to what has already been said... in the end, you're the one who has to decide (unless you do something drastic and it gets decided for you - but try your best not to let that happen)

after ten years and not much improvement, i can see why you would feel jaded. i wonder what different therapies you have tried... there are different sorts, and if you've done a lot of the same thing over and over, it is likely that there would be something else that would help...




this is my magical medicine cabinet. Left to right they contain: courage, hope, calmness, and strength.

The magical part: They NEVER run out, so borrow some any time you want.



PM me anytime, I love getting messages :)
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Old 22-01-2013, 10:10 PM   #5
TheArtistInThe Ambulance
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Thank you guys. It was very kind of you to reply. I'm gonna keep hanging on, even though I'm feeling really low. (It feels like I don't really have any choice but to live.) I'll be starting DBT therapy soon, so hopefully that will help. I hope you all are doing well. *hugs*



You've got to get up every morning with a smile on your face
And show the world all the love in your heart
Then people gonna treat you better
You're gonna find, yes you will
That you're beautiful as you feel.



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