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Old 13-12-2019, 10:32 AM   #41
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Ok, so can you tell her that?



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Old 13-12-2019, 05:44 PM   #42
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Yeah I told her :) I'm discovering stuff in counselling that I don't even know. What I mean is I'm used to doing counselling and I volunteer as a counsellor myself now and I know what I'm going to say and I know what they're going to say. It's safe. But sometimes in counselling now I just randomly say stuff and I don't know where it comes from.



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Old 13-12-2019, 10:22 PM   #43
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What would be the pros/cons of continuing versus quitting? Maybe you can think about those and write them out and discuss with her? I think it's important to be going because you want to be there, and not go due to external pressure. But I guess also, it's not always going to be an easy thing to work through hard stuff. Sorry, that might be a bit useless of a reply but it sounds like you have been super brave.



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Old 29-12-2019, 01:33 PM   #44
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Thanks Camden :)
I think I do want to be there but I don't want to let myself be there.

Pros
I want to be there.
I'm discovering things about myself that I didn't know.
Someone is validating my emotions.
I'm feeling things which in the past I've found difficult.
I'm taking responsibility for getting better.

Cons
What if I get used to people listening to my feelings and in the 'real world' it's not like that? It will hurt more.
Isn't feeling dangerous? It could derail me.
I've made some really important strides forward and what if opening things up again sends me back to feeling helpless?



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Old 29-12-2019, 02:07 PM   #45
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Do you feel comfortable sharing that list with your counsellor? I think you've noted some very important things.





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Old 29-12-2019, 07:16 PM   #46
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Yeah good idea Lindsay I do feel I can tell her. Every week I'm close to ending the sessions and I feel like I need her permission to keep going. She never explicitly gives that (rightly so) but she does suggest reasons why I might feel like ending due to fear etc which do feel right to me but then away from counselling my head just feels scrambled.



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Old 29-12-2019, 08:16 PM   #47
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Most of your cons would be things that the counselor could actually work through or plan for with you. That's part of their job! The one about the real world not being like that, I think there are times and people who are safe to share with, it's just a matter of figuring out who those folks are.

Also the thing about things feelings being dangerous and feeling helpless again would probably be less easier to manage with no support. So at least if you continue going and those things occur, you've already got someone who is able to help. Versus if you stopped going and things got worse or you started feeling helpless again, you might not have built up similar support yet and things might be more likely to spiral. I know it is like that at least for me.

I think it'd be good to show it this list to her! Also, if she is aware of the fears you're having and how they are making continuing challenging, maybe that's something she can also help with. Does she know how strong those fears are for you, or only that they do exist?

Other thought that may or may not be useful - if for ANY reason she did not feel like you should continue coming, at least in my country it is legally part of their job to tell you that and explain why. I would guess professional and ethical guidelines for your country might be similar. If it were not helping you, harmful to you, or your counselor felt something off about the relationship or work you were doing together, she has to discuss that with you. So if she's not bringing it up, it's often safe to assume that you are doing good work and it is safe to continue to come. Like it is kind of built in permission to be there because she has to tell you if you should not be. That might have all made more sense in my head so apologies if confusing.



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Old 31-12-2019, 05:06 PM   #48
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Yeah I think she does have some idea of how prominent these are for me. She said exactly what you said about figuring out who the people are I can share things with Camden!

Quote:
Also the thing about things feelings being dangerous and feeling helpless again would probably be less easier to manage with no support.
That's true but my head says an alternative to that would be to stop feeling?

Before we took a break for Christmas we'd just been arranging at the end of each session that I'd come next week so I didn't have to think so far into the future and there always seemed something to explore next week so I kept coming back. I think she quite cleverly started to say things like "Oh that's interesting, and maybe we can explore that next week" as a way to give me permission without actually giving me permission if that makes sense. Because I did mange to tell her that secretly I do want to be there but that I don't trust that impulse so I keep looking for clues as to whether she wants me there or doesn't.

But that was before Christmas now so the threads that tied me to counselling have loosened and it just feels like it would be or might be easier never to back.

I like the idea of built-in permission because then maybe I don't have to think about it so much and I can just keep going until something changes. Thank you, I'm noticing I do feel less pressure about continuing or not when I think about it that way.



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Old 31-12-2019, 06:45 PM   #49
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If you figure out a way to safely and effectively stop feeling plz share! I've personally never found a way to do that which is actually healthy, because also if you stop feeling entirely you're right you don't get bad feelings, but you also don't get to experience good feelings either. Feelings can really suck, but they don't always have to be bad.

I get what you're saying about session to session. My old therapist human did that too as a way to be like, I don't think you should be dead, we can figure things out when we meet next. But it can then be hard as you don't really get a sense of stability if you don't know what's going to happen week to week. You could always do an experiment and say, right I'm giving myself permission to come for a month (or however long you felt), and see how that goes. And at the end time if it was bad, let's go back to taking it week to week.

Do you have another session scheduled? You could ask about the built in permission thing, and I bet she would explain her policies for you. If you have any paperwork from when you started, it might even be in that.



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Old 02-01-2020, 05:02 PM   #50
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Moonlight Princess View Post
That's true but my head says an alternative to that would be to stop feeling?
I think even as you wrote that you were probably acknowledging that that isn't the right answer?

I hope you decide to go back to counselling. It sounds like you are really getting somewhere with it and it would be worth sticking at it. You've tried avoiding your feelings for so long and where did that get you? You've been trying something different recently and it seems to be working out somewhat better, even though I do appreciate that the process is painful at times.



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Old 02-01-2020, 11:44 PM   #51
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Im really proud of you kiran. I hope you can go back and allow yourself the space to keep working on difficult things. You deserve to have someone hear you just the same as those who call you for help. Keep going.




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Old 14-02-2020, 10:03 AM   #52
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Thanks Jenna and Jodie! Your words are really helpful. Jenna you're absolutely right and that's a question I could ask myself whenever feeling things feels painful.

Thanks Jodie ❤ Sorry for the delay in this update but the news is that did go back to counselling!



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Old 16-02-2020, 11:39 PM   #53
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Hooray! I'm so pleased that you went back and I hope that you're continuing to make progress with it.



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