Triggering (SI) - What is the worst thing about SIing?
For me, its all the fear it generates - fear of people finding out, fear of going to deep, fear of hurting others by hurting myself.
Alice: But i don't want to go among mad people. Cheshire Cat: Oh, you can't help that. We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad. Alice: How do you know I'm mad? Cheshire Cat: You must be or you wouldn't have come here.
yeah that is the same with me, the fear of it all.
“Never lose faith in yourself,
and never lose hope;
remember, even when this world throws its worst and then turns its back,
there is still always hope.”
i suppose its the same for me.
I Hate the scars.
i hate it when im put in situations were people can see them. And i know there judging me.
I Wish the cuts didnt scar!!
I hate those moments where something reminds you. Like, going shopping with friends or something, and you pick something up to try on, and then you realise that you can't because you have things that need covering on your arms/legs/tummy or whatever. That moment horrifies me, and then I have to think of an excuse...
I guess it just makes my life really, really uncomfortable in some situations.
Now I'll play your ghost as my ace, whenever I'm led astray.
But I am actually good, can't help it if we're tilted.
I'm in my right place, don't be a downer.
we are the fallen
we are the wounded
we are the shattered
we are the unheard
we are the brave
we are the strong we are Survivors. and..... we are the future
we fallen can still rise by the wings of hope that lifts us~
Wanting the scars but also hating them. I spend so much time making all these scars the way I want them, but I spend the rest of my time angry with myself and scared/ashamed people will see them.
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell. I know, right now you can't tell. But stay a while and maybe then you'll see A different side of me Unwell - Matchbox 20
"Why inflict pain on oneself, when so many others are ready to save us the trouble?"
George Pacaud (1879 - 1937)
The fear of stopping, people finding out and what they will think of me. Also how [people say you have to stop and i cant as its an addiction! And people i tell cant understand i cant stop it over night. Its not that simple.
That the worse it gets, the more I love it.
That my boyfriend sees it and I feel like it hurts him too.
That I know I will regret these scars in the future.
the constant lies, guilt, secrecy and knowing i no longer have options in what i wear due to having to co-ordinate every outfit so that my scars are covered.
I don't mind the effects it has on me, so what if I walk with a limp for a week or two, so what if I ruin a shirt trying to stop the bleeding, and so what if I end up failing gym because I can't change.
what really bothers me is the effect it has on my friends, I can't lie to them(and even if I did, they would know), and they are genunily scared for me because I have a history of going quite deep. I think that they are just about my only reason for not cutting.
Green fields are gone now, parched by the sun.
Gone from the valleys, where rivers used to run.
Gone with the cold wind, that swept into my heart.
Gone with the lovers, who let their dreams depart.
Where are the green fields, that we used to roam ?
almost everything. the scars, the guilt, the way people judge you. i think the worst thing for me was the fact that i lost so many people when they found out. people who were supposed to care about me just walked away. and having to constantly lie to everyone.
I fear cutting too deep but at the same time, I want to. That for me is the worst thing about it. I know one day it's going to lead to a really bad situation and I'm scared.
Previous username: Miss-Ruby
R.I.P my budgie Bubbles 26/01/09...in my <3 forever.
But apart from that (and this may make me a bad person) the inconvenience in having to think of how to hide the scars, and the irritation I feel towards the people I hide the scars for - I'm not fussed if people can see my scars but I know people don't like the look of them so I cover up. And it feels like I'm hiding a part of who I am.
For those doubts that swirl all around us
For those lives that tear at the seams
We know… we’re not what we’ve seen
For this dance we’ll move with each other
There ain’t no other step than one foot
Right in front of the other
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