thanks so much guys, you really are keeping me in here and keeping me going.
I'm a mess right now because I tried to purge a little while ago and nothing would come up, been in tears since then, and tried talking to my mum but she was just angry/frustrated and the call didnt go well.
I just HATE myself so so much, I just want to go home.
Your mum won't mean the things she said.
She'll just be wanting you to get better so much and will be taking her sadness out on you.
Don't take it to heart.
Have you tried talking to a member of staff?
They'd be able to support you without having the personal attachment.
xxx
Well content loves the silence, It thrives in the dark, With fine winding tendrils,That strangle the heart,
They say that promises sweeten the blow, But I don't need them, No, I don't need them...
thanks once again for the replies lovelies, I'm trying hard not to delete this thread, but I really dont beleive that I deserve any kind of help, and it's hard to believe your words as much as I want to.
I did talk to the nurse last night, and was given some extra PRN to try and calm me down because I was pretty worked up.
I'm so sick of waking up at 3am EVERY morning. At home I would get up and binge/purge, but obviously I can't do that here, I've just been waking up multiple times during the night and it's driving me nuts! it's 3:30am here and I've been awake for ages, just had some meds so hopefully will go back to sleep soon.
I know it must be difficult your used to something, back when you were at home there was something you'd do at a certain time, your bodys got used to that, but now thats the hard bit, its changing your bodies cycle & your doing it, your not doing what your ED wants you to do, so your battling it.
didnt manage to get much more sleep so feeling really tired and irritable which isnt helping my thoughts.
Just had breakfast and all I want to do is purge. And I'm stressing about ward round this afternoon.
yeah we do Amber, not today though all we have is ward round which I'm majorly stressing out about. Tuesday-Thursday we do have groups etc during the day.
I can't do this anymore.
I know I shouldn't be talking like that, I should be talking positive, but it's like I just dont know how to right now. They keep telling me I have to learn how to love myself... how the hell do I do that?!
I wish there was something I could do to make you see what a wonderful person you are. You are truly beautiful. Your heart is beautiful. Your face is beautiful. Your body is beautiful. Just how you are right now <3
I wanna stay inside all day
I want the world to go away
I'm sorry I don't know how to tell you to love yourself, when your good and ready we'll all help you learn to love yourself, until then, you'll have to make do with everybody elses love for you, I'm sure there's enough going round till you can learn to love yourself a little, then you'll have double love.
Cause we love you & we will always be here to support you through ANYTHING you need/want.
Your doing well recognising you need to thinking positive, but its ok right now if you don't feel positive, this is a very difficult time so please don't try expect too much from yourself sweetheart, fairy steps.
If your around to walk around, or see the other patients, do you think you could do something with them?
been sleeping most of the afternoon because I've been really irritable and not feeling safe, then just had tea so not feeling so good. we have a movie on though so hopefully that will help distract me.
Not doing so well, god I am so sick of typing that! Didnt sleep last night so that doesnt help, and for breakfast today my psych (who runs this unit) is coming in to have breakfast with us, and it's making me really nervous but I dont know why :|
I just wish that someone could come in and fix this for me, because I dont have any faith that I can fix it myself.
I wish I could fix things for you too darlin. But unfortunately it doesn't work that way. But I will promise you that I will be right beside you every step of the way to support you. You CAN do this.
Don't be sorry. You are going through some really tough stuff right now. We know this is not easy for you.
*hugs*
I wanna stay inside all day
I want the world to go away
You aren't moaning and being negative love. You are putting down into words how you are feeling about things and that's a big positive. You can find that faith in yourself and you will recover from this.
Dont say sorry about "moaning & being negative"
Your struggling, Ally. Not moaning, I know your minds just putting you down right now, but really, your doing better than you think.
please keep going, I hope breakfast went ok, & i hope you werent too nervous, and you eventually calmed down at the thought.
Sorry this reply isnt great love, its nearly 5am lol.
Ill try reply better in the morning.
I am thinking of you sweetheart, so sorry to hear you are struggling again but I am sending you all my love and support your way. You're allowed to express how much you are hurting, that is what we are here for. I fully believe you can 'fix' this yourself and get through this, I really do, so please don't give up. We're here for you the whole way, to keep you strong when you feel weak.
*Cuddles* It's okay to tell us what your feeling, we are here to support you. You will make it through this, you are stronger than you think. Keep fighting
"Recovery is something that you have to work
on every single day and it's
something that doesn't
get a day off."
