Live Help


Forum Jump
Post New Thread  Reply
Old 23-04-2009, 02:51 PM   #81
_plastic
 
_plastic's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007

*welcomes new people*

:] xx



A little angel fell into my arms at the 7th of december 2010
xx Angel my babysisterxx


_plastic is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 23-04-2009, 03:21 PM   #82
[Fog]
 
[Fog]'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
I am currently:

Sandy I'm glad to hear that you are dealing with things better now and that the meds are working for you.

Zowie I'm really sorry to hear what you're going through, it sounds really scary. Generally my voices/ people come to a decision and kind of gang up on me. I can't imagine how scary it must be being in the middle between the voices and the spies. How do you cope with it? Are you on any meds? I hate it when one of the voices turn on you. Anouk is the bad one and Anais is the good one in my head. But Anais is bullied by Anouk and although She sticks up for me, She always has to back down. But recently She's just been telling me to do what Anouk says, so that She doesn't get in trouble, and so that we can all get on easier in my head. I hope you're ok xxx

I've not been doing very well recently. Last night I went for a walk about 1am (I'm not allowed to leave the house so obviously Anouk made me). I kind of vandalised something and I feel so pathetic and ashamed about it now. Anouk had been telling me to all day. She's getting more aggressive and violent. I was exhausted and fell asleep before I could SI. So today I made myself throw up and I SIed quite badly. Feel like such a piece of sh*t. I hate the fact that my boyfriend and family are so supportive and lovely, but I'm deteriorating. I want to recover for them, but I'm not.

Sorry for ranting.

Hope you are all ok xxx

[Fog] is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 23-04-2009, 06:21 PM   #83
tamobhuuta
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: U.K.
I am currently:

hi Zowie
hi everybody
no reason - it isn't easier to do as they say, it makes things worse. i used to think the Voice was just something out my head and i resisted him, but after a while he started getting more insistent. i went along with what he said and he got louder and stronger until now i realise that he's real. i would've liked to stay thinking he was a part of my head, he had much less control back then. so basically, yeah, obeying makes things harder because They always want more from us.
*hugs banana89* hopefully things will get better in their own time if you persevere



with Christ I hang upon the cross

tamobhuuta is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 23-04-2009, 08:54 PM   #84
marilyn2662
Charleigh :)
 
marilyn2662's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Paisley, Scotland
I am currently:

*waves* Hi there!

Although I'm currently awaiting a psychiatric assessment, I thought it would be a good idea to seek some solace with the fine people of RYL until then, if that's ok with you guys.

So, a little info on why I'm in this thread.

I hear a male voice in my head, he always puts me down, tells me that I'm not worthy of the help I'm getting, undeservng of the friends I have. But now he's started to say that my friends aren't who they seem, and that bugs are coming in swarms to get me through the windows. "We're creating an alibi" is another popular one, and I keep being shown an image of a girl in my room where I live, with her wrist cut. I can fully interact with the picture, but the only thing I can't see is her face. Everything is becoming so much worse now, and I have nowhere to turn. It's so unbearable at times.

So yeah, that's me, sorry for the essay.

xxx



Soulmates never die.


Brian <3

marilyn2662 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 23-04-2009, 09:15 PM   #85
nuclearnight
Michelle
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
I am currently:

Welcome Zowie - sounds really scary. are you getting any help for it currently?

banana89 - *hug* Sorry to hear you've had another rubbish day :( Do you think the meds are starting to have any effect yet?

Welcome Marilyn - of course it's ok to share :) When is your assessment? Sounds scary, I hope the assessment is the beginning of things becoming more positive for you *gentle hug*



I'm actually having an okay day today, but had a semi-rubbish evening yesterday with everyone laughing at me when I had to go food shopping. Does feel safer to be back in my room and I'm thankfully having a quiet day today.






nuclearnight is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 23-04-2009, 09:20 PM   #86
marilyn2662
Charleigh :)
 
marilyn2662's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Paisley, Scotland
I am currently:

thanks for the welcome, I have no idea when my assessment is, I'm waiting for them to contact me.. which, let's face it could be never..

*hugs back*

Glad you're having an ok day =]

xx



Soulmates never die.


Brian <3

marilyn2662 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 23-04-2009, 09:23 PM   #87
tamobhuuta
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: U.K.
I am currently:

hi marilyn welcome to the thread
*****
i'm in a bit of a pickle.
i am worried because K, my care co-ordinator doesn't seem to believe me how horrible the Voice is/was and i think she wants me to have borderline personality disorder, which i've looked up and i know i don't have. i feel like i'm not how she wants me to be and like she's working against me.
also the Voice has been using people to spy on me but i can't tell K because she will use it against me.
what do you think she will think of me if i tell her about the Voice's spies? do you think it'll make things worse? i don't want her to think i'm making it up you see. any thoughts?


Last edited by tamo >bhūtā : 24-04-2009 at 05:20 PM.


with Christ I hang upon the cross

tamobhuuta is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 23-04-2009, 09:25 PM   #88
nuclearnight
Michelle
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
I am currently:

Ah I see, I'm waiting for an NHS referral too, apparently the waiting list in Kent is a year long! Hope things are a bit better in your region and you get seen soon :)






nuclearnight is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 23-04-2009, 09:40 PM   #89
jen-x
 
jen-x's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: uk
I am currently:

hello, tell me to go away if i dont belong here. you all seem to have such strength, but i'm sorry to those of you who are struggling at the moment.

I hear my mums voice? does that make me a freak? i live with her, but on a night, when they're listening to my thoughts (they are louder and messier in the silence) and interrupting them with images/sounds, i hear my mum - definately not in a comforting way, but dont want to say what she says - she's in on it. I've been given low dosage of risperidone for agitation, but cant take it. the psychs in on it (i didnt tell him whose voice it is), i dont think he can read my mind yet because i didnt give him access/he didnt get in my eyes, but i'm sure he's in on it. They're plotting and interfering with my thoughts coz they want me gone/to give up/dead.

sorry if i dont belong here. it's just so much of whats been said in this thread has made me question my reality -

Sandy08 you were diagnosed because of people reading your thoughts, how do you tell people this? i'm too scared incase they're in on it/reading them too, so already know and laugh at me??

sorry for cluttering, i've been bad lately, and am crap with support, but i want to try.
jen xx

jen-x is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 23-04-2009, 10:35 PM   #90
[Fog]
 
[Fog]'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
I am currently:

Waiting in the Dark - I agree, obeying Them seems to kind of feed Them and give Them more strength. It's hard to resist but (retrospectively) in the long ruin it's better to do so. Thank you, I hope things get better too, it's just so frustrating having admitted everything and just waiting as things keep deteriorating. Urgh. How's your day been? About your care co-ordinator... I know it's hard, but it's best to tell them everything that's going on so that they can get a clearer picture of what's going on. Maybe it's a couple of details you've missed that mean that she can't rule out BPD. If you really think she won't take it seriously than can you try and see someone else instead? Or speak to a consultant/ psych?

Hey Marilyn *waves* thanks for sharing. It sounds very scary what you're going through. I only really hear voices and see people, I don't have anything like seeing bugs, that must be very frightening. Do they tell you to do things or cut yourself? If things are getting too much, could you see your GP and see if they can speed up your assessment? I went to see a different GP and he put me through as urgent. Hope you get help soon *Hugs*

Michelle glad you're having a better day today. I hate it when They laugh at me when I'm out and about. Well done for getting through it. Hope the waiting list hurries up for you :)

Jen hey welcome to the thread *waves* Of course you belong here, thank you for sharing your story. At times I have heard voices of people I actually know but kind of distorted in their personality, so I can see where you're coming from. It sounds very frightening for you. How come you can't take your risperidone? Have you told your psych all of this? Hang on in there *Hugs*

I've had a crap day today (I'm like a broken record, sorry). Made myself throw up for the first time, and quite a few other times... Don't have an ED just the control thing and Anouk's been going on about it for ages. Feel pretty rank now. Just feel really low and I've been SIing a lot. Urgh. Anyway seeing the consultant guy tomorrow so hopefully that will go well. Hope everyone is doing ok xx

[Fog] is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 23-04-2009, 11:14 PM   #91
jen-x
 
jen-x's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: uk
I am currently:

Please try not to feel so bad Banana89. It must be really difficult having to resist Anouk all the time. I really hope it's something you can talk to your consultant about tomorrow and that he can help you. Is he good for you? easy to talk to?

Waiting in the dark... Please try to talk to your coordinator. Believe me I know how difficult it is to feel your not being listened to or believed, but I'm sure she's trying to help. I had similar issue with my last psych, where i felt that they were trying to push me into certain diagnosis, but if you keep firm and honest, she will eventually have to concede! Either that or you could speak to someone else?

I cant take the meds, because i'm told he's in on it, and has given them to make me more unsafe. Because of this, I also didnt tell him everything. I admitted to hearing a voice, but wouldnt tell him who or what they tell me. Its weird coz i know who's voice it is and when looking for similar experiences on the net, everyone seems to hear diff ones, rather than familiar, which makes me feel even more freakish. I think she's interrupting my thoughts, wants me to be locked up or dead. Like it's a mind control thing. Since I was around 11 I've had this theory that i'm in some kinda experiment, where they want to see how much it takes to make a normal kid lose it and then i need to die, because they don't need me anymore, like i'm on a 'lower' level to the real people.

I have not told him about the listeners. Mostly because i'm *almost* sure i'm right, and it would be humiliating to have them all laughing about me. I have to see the CPN from the crisis team again tomorrow, dont know whether to try tell her or not, but they already know i'm ready for out, so i dont want them to know that i'm being pushed too. she seemed quite safe but it's all too much you know? I dont know what to say about the meds tho :(

thankyou so much for your warm welcome :)

oh, and you're not a broken record B, sometimes life comes at you like that and you just need to find the strength to push through - easier said than done i know.

keep fighting everyone

jen xx

It feels really good to get this out ... *sighs with relief* I'm so pleased I found this community/RYL, though i do struggle to post because sometimes they sense these too so sorry for not being very useful.

jen-x is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 23-04-2009, 11:25 PM   #92
[Fog]
 
[Fog]'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
I am currently:

Hey Jen

I know what you mean about taking meds, it's always a battle taking mine but I just pop them in quick before Anouk has time to start yelling at me. Try and take them if you can but I know it's hard.

It's not at all freakish. We all see and hear different things, there's no "normal" for "abnormal" thinking! Personally I think it makes sense to hear a familiar voice. For years I used to hear my flute teacher's voice all the time (she was pretty critical so I guess that's why). Does your mum talk to you in a critical way in real life? Does she know about any of this?

I know exactly what you mean about being in an experiment!! I always feel like things are being tested out on me, like I'm being watched and laughed at, and I'm the only one not in on it if you see what I mean. It's a very undermining thing to live with. I feel like I was chosen for this because I am so inadequate.

I know it's so hard to tell your psych or CPN about this kind of thing. When I told my psych about Anouk, She was right behind him pacing up and down, She was so angry. But I did it anyway. Not sure if I'm glad about that or not but I guess it's a good thing. In the long run, they need to know everything that's going on so that they can give the right meds and the right kind of support. If your CPN seems safe then why don't you try her? Or what about if you wrote it down? Then the listeners wouldn't be able to listen to you saying it...?

I haven't seen the consultant before so I'm a bit nervous about it, but my psych who turns out to be a CPN lol is really nice and I feel quite safe telling him things so I'm lucky that I've finally found a good support network.

I'm relieved to have found RYL too, it's so nice not feeling like a freak!

Big hugs xxx

[Fog] is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 23-04-2009, 11:35 PM   #93
marilyn2662
Charleigh :)
 
marilyn2662's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Paisley, Scotland
I am currently:

Quote:
Originally Posted by banana89 View Post
Hey Marilyn *waves* thanks for sharing. It sounds very scary what you're going through. I only really hear voices and see people, I don't have anything like seeing bugs, that must be very frightening. Do they tell you to do things or cut yourself? If things are getting too much, could you see your GP and see if they can speed up your assessment? I went to see a different GP and he put me through as urgent. Hope you get help soon *Hugs*

I've had a crap day today (I'm like a broken record, sorry). Made myself throw up for the first time, and quite a few other times... Don't have an ED just the control thing and Anouk's been going on about it for ages. Feel pretty rank now. Just feel really low and I've been SIing a lot. Urgh. Anyway seeing the consultant guy tomorrow so hopefully that will go well. Hope everyone is doing ok xx
He has told me, and keeps telling me, to get it all over with and kill myself, and that he doesn't know why I keep on living the meaningless life I live.
I have a problem with making another appointment, I feel like I'm taking up my GP's time when he could be using it to treat more deserving people. My GP is ace though, he was really miffed that I had to wait 11 weeks for my psychological assessment.

So sorry about your day, sounds really tough. *hugs*
Hope tomorrow goes ok for you

xx



Soulmates never die.


Brian <3

marilyn2662 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 23-04-2009, 11:45 PM   #94
jen-x
 
jen-x's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: uk
I am currently:

This sounds bad, but it feels good for someone to say they get the whole experiment thing, but i feel for you!

with regards my mum, we've always had a rocky relationship. she likes to think it's perfect, but she doesnt realise how much she has hurt me. Part of the problem i think is, i know she WOULD love me to be locked up, she'd get so much drama from it. she has never supported me in the same way as my sis, in that when i was being severely bullied (at one point resulting in hospital trips) she said i brought it on myself, when my sister was called a name ONCE, she went straight up to the school. Im just inferior and inadequate in her eyes, but then if the experiment theory is right, that makes sense, hey?

Hope your appointment goes well tomorrow, and he;s very nice and good to you. Glad you have someone on your side though.

jenx

jen-x is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 24-04-2009, 12:07 AM   #95
[Fog]
 
[Fog]'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
I am currently:

Marilyn - Anouk's been telling me similar things about killing myself. The way I fight is that I think that only I deserve to suffer cos I'm so crap. And my family and bf would be upset if I died, and I don't want them to suffer because of me. So I struggle on. I know what you mean about taking up the GP's time... But I read somewhere that a quarter or a third or something or their day is spent with patients with mh problems. It won't be anything unusual to them, they will just want to help, that's their job. Mental illness is just as debilitating and horrible as physical illness, and if your GP is sympathetic to your needs then go for it!

Jen - Lol I'm kinda pleased too though obviously I feel bad for you! The Truman Show seriously didn't help. Bloody putting ideas into an already delusional mind. I'm really sorry to hear about the bullying and about the lack of support from your mum. That's a real shame. *Big hugs* I know that this makes me a hypocrite considering my previous post lol - but even though you feel like it's an experiment, you are not inferior and you are not inadequate. Promise (it's so much easier to see from the outside, if only I could be this rational with myself lol).

My brain's suddenly stopped working so sorry if the above is total crap. Think I might go soon and have a sneaky fag woop the parents are asleep lol xx

[Fog] is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 24-04-2009, 12:11 AM   #96
Protège-Moi
 
Protège-Moi's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Cumbria, UK
I am currently:

*Takes a deep breath*

Hello all. I've been lurking in this thread for a bit, figured I might as well post something. I've had problems with psychosis for about the past 5 or 6 years (I'm 19) it's hard to explain because I only really remember specific things and not how it all fits together or what order things happened in.

I had a psychotic episode in 2006 and was diagnosed with the good old Psychosis NOS I was told at the end of last year that I'm possibly Schizotypal. I'm not sure I agree with that though. I have good insight (as the psychs love to tell me, they find it fascinating for some reason).

I've had the usual confusing mix of symptoms: depression, short periods of hypomania/mania (also severe mood swings), anxiety (performance and social), panic attacks, derealisation/depersonalisation, hallucinations (involving all the senses), paranoia, thought insertion - intrusive images/thoughts, self-injury, insomnia/hypersomia, nightmares, poor concentration and I guess relatively low level alcohol/substance abuse. Can't think of anything else right now.

My psychosis is largely focused around a persecutory female voice (who isn't really active at the moment but is still "there" if that makes sense.) I'm not comfortable with saying her name here yet (no offence meant it's just I've got in trouble for that before). She's responsible for the hallucinations, thought insertion and intrusive images, she's had a lot of control over me in the past. I also have a lot of problems with the paranormal and much of my paranoia is focused around this (though I love the X-files 'cause I'm a geek :D). There are also The Watchers and The Followers but I don't like to think about them too much.

I'm currently with the EIT they're trying to figure out what to do with me. I've tried various meds in the past few years to little avail and a lot of side effects.

Ah I've rambled on.

I wanted to ask does anyone else finds their psychotic symptoms are influenced by external things - like tv, films, books etc.?



"And yesterday I saw you kissing tiny flowers,
But all that lives is born to die.
And so I say to you that nothing really matters,
And all you do is stand and cry."
- That's The Way by Led Zeppelin

Protège-Moi is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 24-04-2009, 12:18 AM   #97
[Fog]
 
[Fog]'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
I am currently:

Hey Protege-Moi (sorry crappy laptop keyboards with no accents!), welcome to the thread

Sorry to hear about everything you've been through. By the way, what does EIT stand for? I can relate to most of what you've said. Are all of those things symptoms of being schizotypal? At the mo I'm spending my days confused by the range of weirdness inside my head.

Yes I would say parts of my psychosis is influenced externally. I guess it's inevitable really. What goes in your head comes out of it. I think of it like I'm unconsciously feeding Anouk. Can't think of anything in particular right now my mind's gone a bit fuzzy but yeah I think it is sometimes influenced by things in the outside world.

xxx

[Fog] is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 24-04-2009, 12:24 AM   #98
marilyn2662
Charleigh :)
 
marilyn2662's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Paisley, Scotland
I am currently:

Banana - with the state my family is in at the moment, I doubt they'd miss me. I may have to force myself to make an appointment if the one for my assessment doesn't come through soon.. hmm.

Jen - you're not cluttering =] PM anytime you like, it's always open, and I'll always reply.

xx



Soulmates never die.


Brian <3

marilyn2662 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 24-04-2009, 01:02 AM   #99
Protège-Moi
 
Protège-Moi's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Cumbria, UK
I am currently:

banana89 -It's cool without the accent (I have a number pad as a second function on my laptop keyboard so I have to use Fn+Alt+0232 to get the character but my computer remembers my username so it's not so bad).

Those are just the various things I've experienced. Symptoms of Schizotypal Personality Disorder are...

Quote:
A disorder characterized by eccentric behaviour and anomalies of thinking and affect which resemble those seen in schizophrenia, thought no definite and characteristic schizophrenic anomalies have occurred at any stage. There is no dominant or typical disturbance, but any of the following may be present:
(a) inappropriate or constricted affect (the individual appears cold and aloof);
(b) behaviour or appearance that is odd, eccentric, or peculiar;
(c) poor rapport with others and a tendency to social withdrawal;
(d) odd beliefs or magical thinking, influencing behaviour and inconsistent with subcultural norms;
(e) suspiciousness or paranoid ideas;
(f) obsessive ruminations without inner resistance, often with dysmorphophobic, sexual or aggressive contents;
(g) unusual perceptual experiences including somatosensory (bodily) or other illusions, depersonalization or derealization;
(h) vague, circumstantial, metaphorical, overelaborate, or stereotyped thinking, manifested by odd speech or in other ways, without gross incoherence;
(i) occasional transient quasi-psychotic episodes with intense illusions, auditory or other hallucinations, and delusion-like ideas, usually occurring without external provocation.
The disorder runs a chronic course with fluctuations of intensity. Occasionally it evolves into overt schizophrenia. There is no definite onset and its evolution and course are usually those of a personality disorder. It is more common in individuals related to schizophrenics and is believed to be part of the genetic "spectrum" of schizophrenia.

And EIT is the Early Intervention (In Psychosis) Team.



"And yesterday I saw you kissing tiny flowers,
But all that lives is born to die.
And so I say to you that nothing really matters,
And all you do is stand and cry."
- That's The Way by Led Zeppelin

Protège-Moi is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 24-04-2009, 05:24 PM   #100
tamobhuuta
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: U.K.
I am currently:

just saying hi to all the new people, and thanks Jen and banana for the advice. i will probably trust you guys on this one and give telling K a go.
*leaves hugs for everyone*


Last edited by tamo >bhūtā : 24-04-2009 at 05:25 PM. Reason: typo


with Christ I hang upon the cross

tamobhuuta is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Members Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Censor is ON
Forum Jump


All times are GMT +1. The time now is 01:38 PM.

Back to top