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Old 22-02-2008, 10:12 AM   #41
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You're definitely not the only one. :)

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Old 23-02-2008, 09:46 AM   #42
pixie*lyssie
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I don't know if it's similar but there is this girl Lola and she was the one I saw being restrigned at the psych unit. It was her getting injected not me (Lyssie) because people seam to think it was me but it wasn't I saw Lola being restraigned who is completely different from Alyssa. Her scream echoing the place. She is the angry one and Angel (my cat) is the depressed one. It's all so confusing I wish I could explain it better. *gets angry with self*

edit: I think Lola protects me with her anger because like my old psych said a lot of my SI is anger related. At least it used to be because I used to get bullied so badly at school and that has traumatised me so I can't function proply at colleges and get anxiety attacs. Hense Lola getting angry with the people who bully and hurt me and bitterness.

I really didn't think it was a problem before but do you think I should tell my key worker because I'm quite concerned now?


Last edited by pixie*lyssie : 23-02-2008 at 09:52 AM. Reason: ...


Someday I'll wish upon a star
and wake up
where the clouds are far behind me
Where troubles melt like lemon drops
away above the chimney tops
that's where you'll find me
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Old 23-02-2008, 09:56 AM   #43
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is that why I sometimes can't remember things happening? I think back and there is total blankness in my mind about that time you see.



Someday I'll wish upon a star
and wake up
where the clouds are far behind me
Where troubles melt like lemon drops
away above the chimney tops
that's where you'll find me
http://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/image.php?type=sigpic&userid=1002&dateline=1227381  259


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Old 23-02-2008, 12:32 PM   #44
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*hugs* Alyssa. I think that could explain the blankness in your mind hun. I'd mention it to your psych though.

For me, this has ony been a recent thing. I've always had episodes of being detached from reality, feeling like I'm in a dream. But recently I have had really bad flashbacks of abuse, where I am 13 not 20. Then I don't remember bits afterwards, but I wrote all over my arm, that he wasn't here and it wasn't happening and I am safe. Recently I've been 13 quite a lot. Because I am still small I have clothes from then and I wear them, I take more pleasure in childish things when I am 13, like I dressed up as a cat, and I made jelly and ice cream. I don't think it's a different personality, because it is me. And I remember what I've been doing, but I know I was 13 when I did it not 20. If that makes sense at all.





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Old 23-02-2008, 02:51 PM   #45
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^^ that makes sense. I can understand that.
I have dreams all the time about things that have happened in the past, but no "waking" flashbacks. Although something weird did happen last night.
Lately I've been seeing this girl who is dressed in this flowing white dress, and everytime I see her she's in the corner of my eye, either just watching me and smiling or hanging herself or about to jump off of something. She looks like she's about twelve, and I know she has blue eyes and black hair.
I get really paranoid sometimes, and often feel like someone is following me, or watching me, or about to hurt me. Last night it wasn't just some anonymous someone, it was her. And I could hear her laughing in my head. It's the first time I've ever heard her voice.
She says her name is Victoria.
I also lose time all the time. I can't remember the first time I lost time, but I know it's been happening forever.



I do not want to know myself. I do not want to be myself. I know better, so I will strive to be better.



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Old 24-02-2008, 03:26 PM   #46
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*bumps*



I do not want to know myself. I do not want to be myself. I know better, so I will strive to be better.



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Old 24-02-2008, 03:46 PM   #47
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What might have caused Victoria to torment/haunt you in this way, do you think?

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Old 24-02-2008, 04:44 PM   #48
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I don't know.
She's different than Patience, which is the voice that always yells at me and who I let take over when I don't feel like dealing anymore. I can't seem to get in touch with Victoria to ask her anything, and I'm not sure I really want to.
I have a tendency to ignore my problems, and I'm trying to ignore her. Most of the time I try to ignore Patience as well. It normally just makes things worse.
I just recently found out Patience's name as well. She's been around forever, but I never bothered to try and found out her name, because yet again, I try and forget that she's there.



I do not want to know myself. I do not want to be myself. I know better, so I will strive to be better.



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Old 24-02-2008, 06:07 PM   #49
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Maybe she's the part of you that's always been ignored - by parents, teachers, whoever, and is fighting back?

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Old 24-02-2008, 10:16 PM   #50
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i have a voice in my head, its been there aslong as i can remember, sometimes it whispers and sometimes it shouts...and its always bad ****! i dontunderstand it though..i dont understand what it is
and i dont understand why right now nothing seems real..it happens all the time and it can last for days...and it horrible..it makes me want to kill myself so i can find reality. everything seems in my head..none of this is real..i dont even know if im really...
sorry about the post



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Old 24-02-2008, 10:49 PM   #51
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I'm a little surprised to find others with the same problem using the same words to describe how it is. That's made me feel better.



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-Jack Johnson-
No Other Way

Kaffy! What makes you do that?
Every @^#$% thing and Nothing at all.


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Old 25-02-2008, 01:38 PM   #52
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i'm the same..i lose time and place...i will stare at an essay i don't even remember writing...i will start to write an essay and then blink to find myself doing something else...i hate it...

i also struggle to recognise the live between reality and fantasy, dreaming and being awake.



"Has anyone seen my contact lens? It may be stuckto a tree or a rock or something. Oh boy, I am so grounded" Family Guy
if everyone cared and nobody cried, if everyone loved and nobody lied, if everyone shared and swallowed their pride, we'd see the day that nobody died


!!!! I got lei'd in Vets !!!!



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Old 25-02-2008, 01:55 PM   #53
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Quote:
Originally Posted by razorxkissedxwrists View Post
i'm the same..i lose time and place...i will stare at an essay i don't even remember writing...i will start to write an essay and then blink to find myself doing something else...i hate it...

i also struggle to recognise the live between reality and fantasy, dreaming and being awake.
I can remember the first time I lost time, I lost time for two weeks straight. I don't even remember any of that two weeks, but I was in sixth grade then, and when I came too, and realized I didn't remember any of it, I went to check my grades and they were A's, as usual. It was like my brain was on auto pilot.

Same thing now when I lose time. I might not lose it for that period of time, but anything I do, as long as it's not creative and just mechanical thinking, will be the same as my usual work.



I do not want to know myself. I do not want to be myself. I know better, so I will strive to be better.



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Old 25-02-2008, 02:47 PM   #54
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i can blink and it will be 2 hours later...it's scary....also when i find myself somewhere and have no recollection of how i got there, or what i was doing.

The worst one is where i don't recognise where i am, like, i'm in college but i don't know that it's college....if that makes sense.

it's the one thing i haven't told my therapist or psych and i don't think i ever will



"Has anyone seen my contact lens? It may be stuckto a tree or a rock or something. Oh boy, I am so grounded" Family Guy
if everyone cared and nobody cried, if everyone loved and nobody lied, if everyone shared and swallowed their pride, we'd see the day that nobody died


!!!! I got lei'd in Vets !!!!



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Old 26-02-2008, 06:29 AM   #55
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I haven't been diagnosed yet, and was wondering if you could give me
an opinion what it might could be?

Like some others have said, I kinda go away. But I can see and hear
what I'm saying and doing, it's just like I'm a backseat driver, though.
As if, someone else is steering the wheel. My other side, which I call
simply, "my left side", seems to be very aggressive, and aggravated.
It makes me develop grudges against people while it's in control.
It doesn't happen very often, but whenever it does, and I come back,
I normally have to deal with the aftermath of what my left side did.

Any opinions?

Thanks for listening.
xoxo



"All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream." -E. A. P.


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Old 26-02-2008, 07:18 AM   #56
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That sounds similar to what I experience.

It sounds like part of you is carrying those intense, difficult feelings, because they're hard for you to own. Maybe you've been hurt at some point, and it's trying to protect you?

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Old 26-02-2008, 02:52 PM   #57
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I dont know whether this is similar to what you guys experience, from the thread i guess so, I got told today I was dissasociating.

I feel like my dead twin sister is living inside me, i dont know why i feel this but she talks to me and she hates me a lot. i think she is angry because i survived and she didnt.

i started talking to her i suppose when i was being bullied, she was comforting then, but now (i think because i have friends) she has become really angry and i guess she is "bullying" me. she makes me harm myself and makes me do and think stuff i wouldnt normally.

im really getting scared that she might take over, because usually she only comes out when I am on my own but on sunday she came out at my friends house and apparently she made me self harm while i was there.

i cant actually remember anything about what happens when she "arrives" but it is starting to scare me. i dont know what it is about.



Scabette is my RYL Sister

I don't care if it hurts..I wanna have control..I want a perfect body..I want a perfect soul...I want you to notice..when I'm not around.. I wish I was special..so very special..but I'm a Creep...I'm a weirdo...what the hell am I doing here...I don't belong here" "Such Beautiful Dignity in Self Abuse"
~ Richey Edwards (Manic Street Preachers)~



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Old 26-02-2008, 03:58 PM   #58
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Sounds like dissassociative disorder to me.
Is there any way you can communicate with her? Try to explain things?
Or is it like me, where I'm sort of cut off from my other sides?
On a side note, Victoria's been sort of calm lately.
However, the other day when I got mad at my Dad, and I was really triggered, I had to fight Patience, because she wanted to take over. It really scares me, because I switch emotions so quickly, and I know what's happening, but I can't always control or explain what I'm doing.



I do not want to know myself. I do not want to be myself. I know better, so I will strive to be better.



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Old 26-02-2008, 04:14 PM   #59
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yeah thats how I feel, i cant explain it and i switch emotions so quickly too. I dont think i can talk to her.. i feel kinda disconnected?



Scabette is my RYL Sister

I don't care if it hurts..I wanna have control..I want a perfect body..I want a perfect soul...I want you to notice..when I'm not around.. I wish I was special..so very special..but I'm a Creep...I'm a weirdo...what the hell am I doing here...I don't belong here" "Such Beautiful Dignity in Self Abuse"
~ Richey Edwards (Manic Street Preachers)~



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Old 26-02-2008, 05:32 PM   #60
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I'm switching more often now...I don't know why. And it's becoming more terrifying. I'm having more blackouts/memory lapses. Before I was observing more that blacking-out, but it's switched now. I don't think I'm stressed, not more than normal...or not that I think...maybe I am. I'm taking it up with my psych, I think it could be the medication switch.



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