I'm sorry you are feeling this way, I can definitely relate. It's so easy to be harsh and judgmental to ourselves. You wouldn't judge someone else this way though, right? Someone who was going through the same things as you. I also understand the pull of self harm, but maybe you could get some peace by trying to stay outside of your head when you can - through things like distractions and noticing what's going on around you. I don't think there is a quick fix for self hate, and if there was you might not allow yourself to try it, but you don't deserve to be bullied by yourself. I hope you can find some peace within you.
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