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08-07-2014, 03:46 PM
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#81
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LittleCloud
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Australia
I am currently:
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Sending hugs. I'm low on words, but understand so much
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So she lights up a candle for hope to be found
Captive and blind by the darkness around
Each wave a promise, a new hope reborn
Sunrise consoles at the break of dawn
Kamelot - A Sailorman's Hymn Lyrics
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08-07-2014, 10:12 PM
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#82
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: London
I am currently:
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Thanks Alannah just feel so fat and broken. I just can't stop crying tonight. X
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09-07-2014, 02:33 PM
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#83
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LittleCloud
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Australia
I am currently:
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*hugs* Jessie. I understand- hope you can find some rest. Sometimes that helps more than anything
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So she lights up a candle for hope to be found
Captive and blind by the darkness around
Each wave a promise, a new hope reborn
Sunrise consoles at the break of dawn
Kamelot - A Sailorman's Hymn Lyrics
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10-07-2014, 08:33 AM
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#84
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: London
I am currently:
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Thanks so much Alannah I hope you are ok. I just feel so **** and like I have to prove everything. I feel I've let the dog training lady down as she doesn't trust me this is something I've heard through someone else. I hate myself even more now. I've screwed up and I don't even know how. I'm so fat I can't deal with it. Sorry
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10-07-2014, 03:53 PM
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#85
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LittleCloud
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Australia
I am currently:
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I understand. I feel like that a lot. I hope you can maybe talk with the training lady to find out what's really happening. Otherwise you're stressing on fixing things on second hand info. Hope you can get some answers. The stress does make you feel awful physically but it doesn't change you
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So she lights up a candle for hope to be found
Captive and blind by the darkness around
Each wave a promise, a new hope reborn
Sunrise consoles at the break of dawn
Kamelot - A Sailorman's Hymn Lyrics
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10-07-2014, 09:49 PM
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#86
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: London
I am currently:
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Alannah that means so much. Feel enormous and just a mess. So low on words I'm sorry.
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12-07-2014, 12:11 AM
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#87
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Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: West Sussex
I am currently:
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I'm sorry to hear you're struggling so much at the moment. You will get through this, and they are just thoughts. You don't have to prove anything to anyone, all you need to do is focus on yourself at the moment.
How are you doing? x
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12-07-2014, 03:04 PM
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#88
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LittleCloud
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Australia
I am currently:
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That;s ok Jessie- like Liv said just focus on yourself while it's a struggle. Words are hard sometimes but I'm here listening if you need
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So she lights up a candle for hope to be found
Captive and blind by the darkness around
Each wave a promise, a new hope reborn
Sunrise consoles at the break of dawn
Kamelot - A Sailorman's Hymn Lyrics
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12-07-2014, 05:56 PM
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#89
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: London
I am currently:
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God I'm sorry I don't deserve this kindness. I just feel out of control and fearful and huge. I can't believe things feel so in tatters after last year although trauma and eating we're difficult I felt safe staff stuck to their word and believed in what worked they were incredible and I let them down. The eating disorders lady I see now although she is great she has a different way of thinking.I feel I've failed I'm fat out of control mess. I can't trust my body or my mind. We have people round tonight and I'm upstairs shaking I'm 33 I should be able to deal with company I hate myself I'm fat and dirty and rude and unpleasant. I'm literally shaking. I was meant to meet friends but she has had a family problem and my other good friend isn't well ( I feel so selfish as it's worse than something as simple as close family friends being over) . My chest feels it's in a vice. I'm terrified I feel I've eaten already but I can't have because mum is cooking. I'm so confused. I can feel them I'm scared I'm sorry. I hope you guys are as ok as can be expected. X
Last edited by Uglyducklin : 12-07-2014 at 05:58 PM.
Reason: Missed something out
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13-07-2014, 04:12 PM
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#90
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LittleCloud
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Australia
I am currently:
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*hugs* no words- but I hear you and wanted to leave some love
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So she lights up a candle for hope to be found
Captive and blind by the darkness around
Each wave a promise, a new hope reborn
Sunrise consoles at the break of dawn
Kamelot - A Sailorman's Hymn Lyrics
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14-07-2014, 08:27 AM
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#91
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: London
I am currently:
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Thanks Alannah. Everything is getting out of control. I'm a fat disgusting c##t. I don't know I want to scramble for control and I feel strangled by the shame. I'm being sedated today for the dentists and I'm terrified the memories are powerful and strong I know the situations aren't the same but I'm terrified. Pathetic I know and what if I've lost control of my weight and body for good. :(
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14-07-2014, 03:36 PM
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#92
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LittleCloud
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Australia
I am currently:
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*hugs* I have that same fear Jessie, but I know in times of recovery it's been ok- it's just getting to a point where you believe it again. Hope everything goes ok with the dentist. Thinking of you
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So she lights up a candle for hope to be found
Captive and blind by the darkness around
Each wave a promise, a new hope reborn
Sunrise consoles at the break of dawn
Kamelot - A Sailorman's Hymn Lyrics
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15-07-2014, 08:04 PM
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#93
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: London
I am currently:
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Thanks Hun. I feel so in pieces and I'm exhausted from holding it together. I hate the fat so much. The shame is tearing me apart I failed to look someone in the eye today I am an embarrassment. I feel vile and out of control. I just want the fat gone and the horror to stop. Sorry in making no sense . I hope you are ok x
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18-07-2014, 10:57 PM
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#94
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: London
I am currently:
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I'm scared. I'm fat and so ashamed. I'm such a **** up I want to be thin and good not fat and bad. The failure is loud in my head. Fat **** fat ****. Forgive me it won't happen again .
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19-07-2014, 12:31 AM
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#95
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LittleCloud
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Australia
I am currently:
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*hugs* I know how loud the screaming inside can be but you are not bad Jessie- far from it. You have so much kindness you give to others. I wish your head could let you give a little to yourself <3
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So she lights up a candle for hope to be found
Captive and blind by the darkness around
Each wave a promise, a new hope reborn
Sunrise consoles at the break of dawn
Kamelot - A Sailorman's Hymn Lyrics
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19-07-2014, 04:23 PM
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#96
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: London
I am currently:
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You are too kind Alannah. I feel so distraught and fat and dirty. I've failed because I'm fat. I want to run and just lose myself in anorexia I need the fat to fall away. I need to reclaim my body and mind. This time last year things were hard but my weight was where I could cope and I was learning skills to manage I ****ded up too much fluid drowning everything now I'm heavier again the shame is tearing me apart. I don't think I can do this :( I'm a stupid fat dirty ****.
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20-07-2014, 07:51 AM
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#97
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: London
I am currently:
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I need my body back I don't know what to do. Professionals don't keep there word where I am now. I feel such a fat freak. They refused to change my diet plan even though I gained my body is so ****ed up I can't get back to where I was before. I terrified I'm stuck like this. I'm sorry to post do you guys think it would be ok to raise this with the eating disorders nurse I see? Sorry to post again.
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20-07-2014, 11:50 AM
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#98
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LittleCloud
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Australia
I am currently:
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*hugs* I think you should talk about it with your ED nurse. Are you doing anything with her to work on accepting the changes with your body. I do understand how awful it feels not to have total control of your body and to feel like you never will again. You're doing so well though in gaining health in your body. It's never a problem if you need to post. Here for you and sending love <3
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So she lights up a candle for hope to be found
Captive and blind by the darkness around
Each wave a promise, a new hope reborn
Sunrise consoles at the break of dawn
Kamelot - A Sailorman's Hymn Lyrics
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22-07-2014, 06:19 PM
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#99
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: London
I am currently:
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I don't know I'm a fat monster. How do I cope with expanding? I'm putting it off and trying to hold on. I just want to stop and feel empty. I've failed and I don't deserve help. I feel like giving up. :(
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23-07-2014, 04:29 AM
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#100
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LittleCloud
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Australia
I am currently:
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Low on words, but you're certainly not alone in how you feel <3
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So she lights up a candle for hope to be found
Captive and blind by the darkness around
Each wave a promise, a new hope reborn
Sunrise consoles at the break of dawn
Kamelot - A Sailorman's Hymn Lyrics
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