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Old 05-04-2018, 07:54 PM   #1
Ahimsa
 
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trigger warning - potential rape.

I’ve been staying with my best friend from university the past few days, We went out last night and got mega drunk and I was being my usual tease. (I'm a flirt anyway, but I'm gay, he's in a 6 year long relationship and he knows I'm just a flirt especially when I'm drunk) and he tried to kiss me. I'm female.

And then this morning I told him I’ve had a man get me drunk and try to take it further before, and thats why I panicked so much last night when he made a move, and he thanked me for stopping him taking it further last night.

Anyway, this morning (we were probably still drunk), he was sleeping on his sofa and came to lay down properly as he was hungover. I explained again and apologies for last night, and he offered me a hug, but it did go further and he didn’t stop when I asked him to, more than once and didn’t stop when I said no. He kept saying he wasn't going to cum inside me so don't worry about protection, and overtime I pulled his hand away he put it back. He did stuff to me and wanted me to do stuff back (which I didn't but he kept asking) He feels awful for it and so I’m just overreacting. I know I am and I want us to be okay, he’s my closest friend. It was just a thing that went too far and so they don’t need to know. I was teasing just generally last night and being drunk so I’m as much to blame as he is. I've never had sex with a guy before either. He didn't cum inside me, he finally stopped and just masturbated which then went over my arm.

Overtime he touched me I kept saying no and that I wanted him to stop and we had to stop, and that we shouldn't be doing this and it wasn't okay and to just stop.

It wasn’t a random guy, it was a close friend and things just got too close. I'm back at home today and we had this text exchange.

[IMG][/IMG]

I'm over reacting, aren't I? Please tell me I am. He’s my best friend and I’m not about to ruin his life, his families life, his girlfriends, his job, everything, over this. . I know thats the easy way out for me, but I can't do that to him.

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Old 06-04-2018, 03:37 AM   #2
Nightfox
 
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This is definitely rape as he had sex with you when you didn't consent.
He probably didn't intend for it to be rape or consider it that, but that doesn't change things.

I am really sorry you had to experience this, it must be difficult to fully grasp what happened and process it.

How are you feeling mentally and physically?
Is there any particular way you would like to handle the situation? Whatever you do or don't do is up to you, you are in control of what is going to happen now. Please look after yourself.

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Old 06-04-2018, 01:55 PM   #3
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I agree that it was definitely rape and I think he kind of knew that too. Like he might not have ment it but, if you said stop, he should have stopped and he didn't which makes it rape and not your fault at all. You said stop!

How are you feeling today?

Totally up to you what you decide to do next but the most important thing is to look after you.



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Step back, breathe and take it in




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Old 11-04-2018, 02:49 AM   #4
gracie1780
 
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First and foremost, you have to take care of you. I know from experience that the hardest thing is coming to terms with what has happened. You don't have to press charges or anything, that is completely up to you. What I will say is that you should probably talk to someone in person. I know that this is probably terrifying for you, but you definitely aren't overreacting. Consent is truly black and white and you made it very clear that you didn't want to do anything with him. With that being said, it might be smart to take some time and space away from him, not saying you have to, that is completely up to you.

I am always here if you need to talk, keep your head up, I know it's probably a really difficult time for you right now, I here if you need someone to just listen or if you need some advice. <3

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Old 21-04-2018, 01:45 PM   #5
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We've spoken since, there was a week when he wasn't him. The time it was like he wasn't him.

He has zero memory of it, I told him to go through his bin, I told him there'd be a tissue balled up like it had been in someones hand. He found it and broke down, he's terrified that he's done it let alone to me.

I've been to the clinic, I've had tests and all sorts, and a therapy referral, I start trauma therapy 11th July.

I'm just broken now.


We live 50 miles from each other so its not like I'll bump into him

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Old 21-04-2018, 01:46 PM   #6
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I have no more words right now though

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Old 21-04-2018, 01:48 PM   #7
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posted in wrong thread


Last edited by Ahimsa : 21-04-2018 at 11:00 PM.
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Old 21-04-2018, 08:34 PM   #8
one_step_closer
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I'm so sorry you've been through such a horrible experience. I'm glad you've managed to reach out and I hope the therapy is helpful for you. Please take care of yourself. We are here to support you as much as we can, please post when you do find the words or even if you just want to post pictures or single words.





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 21-04-2018, 11:00 PM   #9
Ahimsa
 
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I posted that picture in the wrong thread.

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Old 23-04-2018, 12:21 AM   #10
Ahimsa
 
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ahh why is this in serious now?

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Old 23-04-2018, 12:38 PM   #11
not_so_insig
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ahimsa View Post
ahh why is this in serious now?
Because the mods felt it would be better off here due to the content of the post. General (where you posted) is better for less serious/adult advice about life. R*pe is pretty graphic and serious subject so it's the best place for it here. If a thread was moved it's nothing personal against you. If you are still confused then pm a mod who will be happy to explain their decision.



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"He who is tired of Weird Al is tired of life." - Homer Simpson
"I hear those voices that will not be drowned"
Sanity is a nasty disease. The world would be a happier place without it. - Rilic
RIP Kat 4th July 1987- 11th June 2013


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Old 23-04-2018, 02:57 PM   #12
Ahimsa
 
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I'm not saying they're wrong to have moved it, it just makes it more real now its serious

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Old 23-04-2018, 05:28 PM   #13
not_so_insig
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Honey it became real when he r*ped you. Your reaction was just delayed due to shock.



Wannabe CPN : -)
"He who is tired of Weird Al is tired of life." - Homer Simpson
"I hear those voices that will not be drowned"
Sanity is a nasty disease. The world would be a happier place without it. - Rilic
RIP Kat 4th July 1987- 11th June 2013


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Old 23-04-2018, 10:47 PM   #14
Ahimsa
 
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I never thought things would be bad enough that I'd be in "serious" discussion on here.

I have to have a smear test next week.

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Old 24-04-2018, 04:38 AM   #15
Nightfox
 
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It is fantastic that you managed to get tested and reached out for help.
You are doing and are being brave for looking after yourself.

What are your wishes and hopes for therapy?
It can be helpful to know beforehand what you want to achieve or what you want to change in the course of therapy.

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Old 26-04-2018, 01:07 PM   #16
Ahimsa
 
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Right now, I need to get in into my head that this has happened and that I've been raped.

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Old 26-04-2018, 07:23 PM   #17
one_step_closer
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It's very early days and I'm sure you're still feeling somewhat numb and confused. Is the trauma therapy for this situation or something else? I hope that it helps. I know it's quite a while away though so please focus on looking after yourself.





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 30-04-2018, 01:49 AM   #18
Ahimsa
 
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I keep panicking. Im a flirt and this is my fault.

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Old 18-05-2018, 08:35 PM   #19
Ahimsa
 
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I feel like such a fraud

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Old 19-05-2018, 02:57 PM   #20
one_step_closer
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I'm sorry you're having such difficult emotions about yourself. I can understand how you might be feeling, but from an outside point of view I don't believe you are a fraud or that what happened is your fault. How have you been getting on?





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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