I understand the worry and guilt about leaving your mom and feeling responsible for her. I went through all of that when I decided to leave, it wasn't an easy decision and I still find myself feeling guilty for leaving her there when I know things aren't good. But you have to take care of yourself before anyone else. It's not selfish, it's not cruel, it's not abandoning your mom, it doesn't mean that you don't care. But your only real responsibility is for yourself. As I said earlier, I don't know anything about your circumstances or background, so please don't take offence if anything I say is way off the mark, but when I struggle with all the guilt of leaving and my parents are trying to manipulate me into going back home, my therapist reminds me that they are adults, they are both responsible for themselves and it is their decisions that keep them where they are. Just as I didn't have to stay, my mom doesn't have to stay. Just as I have had to change my behaviour and ways of dealing with life to be able to move forward, they have the same responsibility to do that for themselves and it is their choice not to.
It's just some stuff to think about when the time comes, I know you've got a hell of a lot more on your mind right now. You've waited so long and fought so, so hard to get to where you are now, I hope that you are given all the help and support you need to really start over and find a way to let go of your demons.
I know you've got a hell of a lot of people on here who care about you and are looking out for you, but if you ever want to talk about anything, my inbox is always open.
Be kind to yourself,
RBT x
I give myself very good advice
But I very seldom follow it
Could explain the trouble that I'm always in...
Helen's just told me that she's been told by her CPN that she's going to be going to an inpatient hospital near Reading, I think it's in Wiltshire, which is near me WOOP & it sorts out other issues that were causing anxiety & fear. :) Yayness much.
There may be the assessment on Friday, but nothing concrete, either way, it's sometime soon! ;)
(plus if it is on Friday, she's gonna come straight to mine!!! AHHH!!!)
Ahem. Yes.
:)
I love you Angel, you're so amazinggg. & I'm super glad this is happening, FINALLY.
Ah I'm so happy they have sorted funding out!
I hope Friday goes well.
Write down all the things you want to ask, all your concerns etc so if you find it hard when there you can hand them what you wrote.
((((huggles))))
I want to kiss the bottom of the ocean before I burst through its surface into the sunlight, otherwise I will always be wondering about what was left unseen at the bottom
i'm tired of chasing my dreams. i'm just gonna ask where they're going, and hook up with them later.
You can buy me with a coffee,I'm so cheap. Got bitten fingernails&a head full of past;Got a broken heart&your name on my cast.
&&I wanted her to tell me that she will never wake me.
i live 10mins from marlborough and it truly is a lovely place... it's not intimidating at all, just a quaint little village-town!
I hope this treatment/assessment works for you and is a step towards recovery - you are very brave =)
xxxx
As a little kid you believed in fairytales,
that fantasy of what your life would be: white dress; prince charming who would carry you away to a castle on a hill.
You closed your eyes and had complete and utter faith.
Eventually you grow up. One day you open your eyes and the fairy tale disappears.
But the thing is, it's hard to let go of that fairytale entirely because almost everyone has that smallest bit of hope, of faith,
that one day they will open their eyes and it will come true.
I don't think it's pathetic at all that you're scared. that's really understandable. i'm really glad you're getting this though, you deserve to get help.
Helen, you wanted to know what they usually ask during an assessment--I have a few of those under my belt, and though your experience may vary, here is what I remember:
They want to know where you are with symptoms and such, so some sample questions:
-What ED symptoms do you currently struggle most with?
-How often do you engage in these behaviors?
-Do you tend to cycle between symptoms? If so, what does the cycle look like?
-What are your triggers, if you know them?
And so on...
Physical assessment is kind of like you would have at your yearly doctor's visit. They'll do blood pressure, temp, and so on. They want to make sure you're stable and that any medical complications you have are well-controlled and/or treated.
I don't want to sound like I'm brushing off your concerns, but it really isn't as scary as it seems, and it will help you get the level of care you need.
Good luck and best wishes.
My name is Matt, and I am a boy. Feel free to PM me :)
I have learned that the world is not a safe place. Not at all. But there are so many people who love me and want to keep me safe. And that is enough.
I know you're scared&frightened, that's okay though, it's a big, huge change! But, it's a change I KNOW you're gonna get through&you're gonna be okay, you're gonna go IP & you're gonna recover, or at least start to recover, & it's gonna be okay...
Think of the happiness, the joy, the freedom you'll have... it's a daunting image too, I know, but it's an image that you deserve, you deserve to live life, & you deserve to be happy & free.
&you will, one day, you will.
You'll make it through this angel, you will.
I'll be here every step, every breath of the way.
I'll be here to catch you if you even stumble...
I love you with all my heart, with every fibre of my being, with every spec of my soul, with every cell in my body.
You are:
Beautiful, Stunning, Amazing, Wonderful, Caring, Loving, Superb, Fantastic, Beyond Magnificent & so much more many good things.
MyLovelyGirly.
BestFianceeEver.
Just spoke to my angel & they've said the assessment is definitely Friday.
Baby girl, you ARE ill enough & you WILL get a bed. They wouldn't do all of this if you weren't. & You've seen the reports, you are severely ill. *snuggles*
I love you.
<333
& we'll be in each others arms in 3 days anyway! So after it's all done, you can come to mine & ramble to me about it & I'll comfort you & hold you & kiss you & all that good stuff! =)
xxxxx