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I don't know what to do anymore
Hello, this is embarrassing but frankly I have nowhere else to confide myself (strange family dynamics and whatnot). I haven't had a girlfriend in 5 years, nor have I slept with a girl that I didn't pay for (paid twice). I'm going to explain where I'm coming from and give my current situation, so please bear with me.
I'm a shy and reserved person, so it takes me a lot to go up to a girl and court her/say what's on my mind. Hence why I only do so when I know or see that the actually seems interested (gives choosing signals). But I struggle with ''game'', especially the concept of saying outlandish things to hopefully impress the girl and get a number. I always end up looking like a fool when I try that. I just want to interact like normal humans. But even then, I haven't had a relationship in so long and have became so cynical because of past experiences that I honestly don't know how to approach girls anymore. I'll give you two examples of situations I have often encountered in the past.
1. There have many instances where I'd sit in the bus or metro and a girl sitting far away or across from me would fixate her eyes on me despite there being other guys present (I'd like to think I'm not too bad looking), showing signs of being interested in me. But when I muster up the courage to go speak, most of the time I'd get a ''what do you want'' look. Which would confuse the hell out of me, like, why are you spending a precious amount of time looking at a guy you don't know if you're not interested in him? So naturally since that has happened often, and since I can't seem to tell when a girl just wants attention or is really interested in me, I no longer make a move because I don't want my confidence to be crushed even more. And that's been the case for years now...
2. But I tried again recently: I work as security guard at an apartment complex (yes, a shy security guard. When it comes to women anyway), and a female tenant would often stop to chat on her way to her apartment floor. One day after asking me what time I finish my shift, she outright told me that there would be a couch for me to crash in if I were too tired to go home --- and me with a surprised look and not having much experience despite my age, I asked if she was serious about the offer. For which she kinda babbled embarrassingly and said she was just kidding. Kind of a odd ''joke'' to make between a man and a woman. So since then I assumed she was a bit more interested than I initially thought... so some time later I finally built up the courage to ask her number, she seemed genuinely pleased and so I improvised a date. We started texting but when I set the day, she took until the next day and wrote a long text apologizing, saying this wasn't the right time.
Now, with this being my place of work, I didn't want to press the issue and risk losing my job, so I just said it was too bad and wished her good luck for the future. So anyway, she avoids me and doesn't pass through the main entrance where my desk is at anymore. But at the apartment complex we have surveillance cameras and she knows my shifts, and so a couple of days later to my surprise she looked right at one of the cameras looking a bit sad, knowing I was probably looking at her and said ''call me''... which is freaking weird, in my mind I was like WTF you just rejected me. YOU showed interest in me, I'm the one who musters up the courage to set a date then you reject me, but now I have to contact you and risk making a fool of myself/hurt my self-esteem yet again? It's stupid, seems to me she wanted to play mind games with me (make me beg for it) and it backfired. I don't know...
From that day onward whenever a girl shows interest in me I just can't help but frown... a facial tic I can't seem to get rid of (subconsciously trying to protect myself I imagine), but that's frustrating because I actually want a dating life and don't want to risk rejecting any girl that I might actually vibe with.
Recently I went to buy condoms at my local Pharmacy (went to gear up hoping to get lucky haha), and clerks at my pharmacy are now asking ''what's your reason for coming to the store'' at the front door where customers can hear... and I embarrassingly admitted to this very cute clerk that I came to buy condoms. She couldn't contain her smile. Now every time I go to the store she tries to maintain eye contact with me despite me just going about my business, but as much as I want to properly look at her I'm afraid I might give her a bad look because of that facial tic I mentioned earlier.
I know this is a bit much and broad to ask but... How can I get good with women? (I mean for sure don't frown at her right? I'm gonna meditate and try to get rid of that defensive mechanism) That being said, I'm out of touch and don't have much experience at all in dating as you can tell, so any advice might be helpful. I often try to act like I'm not bothered by my situation but being alone for so long definitely sucks.
Last edited by Ozymandias89 : 14-05-2020 at 02:58 AM.
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