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Old 14-08-2008, 06:08 PM   #41
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i dunno... people dont tell straight people theyre too young to know their sexuality.

I would say, dont rule anything out, you might want to try experimenting again later down the line...

or, you might never find a guy attractive again and might never have a relationship with one.

Just do what feels right to you and dont put too much pressure on yourself by trying to give yourself a label.

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Old 31-08-2008, 01:38 AM   #42
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Personally I'must very confused, cause I was molested as as a really young kid. That has left me feeling alot safer with girls than with boys. And i've had some drunken mishaps with girls, bur guys just feel totally forbidden, it's like my body just says no......

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Old 31-08-2008, 09:24 PM   #43
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Originally Posted by Vilken View Post
Personally I'must very confused, cause I was molested as as a really young kid. That has left me feeling alot safer with girls than with boys. And i've had some drunken mishaps with girls, bur guys just feel totally forbidden, it's like my body just says no......

It's quite common for people to be abused and then feel compelled to either be drawn to sources that remind a person of the abuser - or to be repelled by them. The trauma or emotional shock of the experience knocks a person off center and a negative engram or spore of a false conditioned self becomes implanted.

Many people with PTSD can have very vivid recollections of all the people/things in the environment at time of traumas because the shock suspends a persons reasoning and the door of the subconscious is opened and it takes in lots of impressions. Even the bodu has a form of memory that can cause a person to relive things as if they were happening anew

A lot of people who were abused can end up compulsively giving themselves over to people who will do them harm. Often these people feel like the deserve nothing good. They hate themselves and the abuser and out of guilt they give themselves over in compensation - and then they hate themselves and the abuser again. They have a side to them that is like a salmon returning to its spawning ground - and will keep returning to a trauma source or trying to avoid on - but in both ways they are revolving around the trauma source. If a person tries to think of a pink elephant - or tries not to - they will still think of a pink elephant.

Now your experience was with one person - but technically the effect of that one boy but the effect spreads to all boys. If I get scared and upset over the first mouse I ever see then I will be afraid of all mice. Its a conditioning or programmed behaviour.

The way to resolve conditioned behaviour is to remove the emotional source that drives it. If you just struggle with the symptoms it gets worse and you'll feel demoralized. What the boy did to you was wrong. He made you hate him and yourself. Its justified you would hate him (and you may nort realise how much because it gets buried) but that hate is also part of the emotional shock.

Ideally you want to be able to look back and see past events as if they happened to some else. That calls for objectivity or dispassion. Now if I told you to stop hating the boy and let the hostility go, you might think I was crazy because of course its natural to hate people doing wrong. However one reason people do mean things is because they want you to hate them because they know the shock of the injustice of it will cause a lot of damage. These people like to cause damage because it gives them a sense of power. Very often these people were abused themselves and thats how they got to feel powerless in the first place. They became like the person who hurt them because people become what they respond to and can become like what they hate.

So - you dont have to be ok with what happened and you dont have to make excuses for the boy. But you want to see the hate/upset/shock was part of the trauma. If I called you a peanut head and you got upset you would feel demoralised. If I called you a name and you didn't get upset my words would have no effect on you. Indeed I might feel embarrassed myself for trying to upset you.

So when memories or thoughts od bad people and things come up just see them like a bad movie and dont get uptight and dwell on all the negative stuff. You could not stop thinking of a pink elephant as I said - but if you just notice the image of the pink elephant in your mind without reating to it you'll notice the image breaks down by itself.

So to can all the emotions and thoughts related to traumas breakdown and go away by themselves. No need to dwell or make them a personal reflection on you. Growing up we tend to have "experiences go through us" instead of "us through experiences". This is because we are not strong in our roots yet and emotional shocks are like a storm to a new tree trying to sprout. But as we get older we learn to modify the reactions and the shocks are less profound. Then the old things resolve themselves. You can wake up one day and feel new and the past will look like fiction.

Watch the tendency to resent yourself too. You'll just be resenting the conditioned part of you that isn't you at all. Being mad about yourself oryour problems will make the roots go deeper.

Most boys will be out of control to some degree themselves but they may not be as bad as boy who hurt you but you may project that into them and react to them as if they were bad. You might also compensate and take a boy who is bad and make excuses for him. The best things to do is be patient with yourself and people. Dont give yourself too fast and dont be compulsively skeptical as well. Don't rush andything and the good people will become easier to spot

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Old 04-09-2008, 08:28 PM   #44
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I am pretty sure I like girls =) (I am female myself)

My dad is not called Dad, but a different name, due to being female. She changed her gender. And that's fine - she's such a wonderful person. It doesn't subtract from that at all, it just makes me respect her all the more for being true to herself, and admire her because she must have gone through so much. It's fine too that she's an mtf dating another girl. It's all fine. Never shy away from who you are, or feel ashamed about it. A lesson I've finally learnt.

Also, (another lesson I've finally learnt,) if you are worried you only like girls/boys because of how you've grown up or things that have happened to you or someone close to you, then don't. Whatever the reason, you can't help it. You have the right to happiness. Which gender that is with or why doesn't matter. At all.

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Old 06-09-2008, 08:14 AM   #45
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i do not have such a problem. till now

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Old 07-09-2008, 06:45 PM   #46
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i understand when people say that dont matter who you love and things like that.
but im afraid that the world is not that free. yes, you can be what you wanna be but youll have to learn how to deal with all the problems that appear when youre different.
its easier to say than to do.
im not saying this to make you unhappy, its just because my personal experience. ive learnt how world really works, and i had a lot of hard moments till i learn it, so i dont want that you guys need to have all this pain too.

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Old 12-09-2008, 09:04 PM   #47
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Hey everyone. I know this forum's called "Questioning your sexuality" which is something I'm not doing, but I thought I'd share my story anyway, because I can relate to a lot of things that is being said.

I was about 13/14 when I told my mum that I liked girls, but at that time I told her I was bisexual, which, I think deep down I knew that wasn't the case. I'd known for quite a while that I was different to my friends; they'd always talk about boys they liked and I just couldn't relate with that. I don't remember a time that I truly liked boys. I'm 19, and I've only ever had like two or three boyfriends, none of which were serious and none of which I ever cared for. I never had sexual relationships with these boys, because if I'm honest, the thought always made me feel quite sick.

When I started dating girls, it felt right, and that was when I knew I was completely gay. I'm glad now that I'm 110% certain of my sexuality, because when I went through the whole confusion stage, it was really hard. I was always scared that if I told people, they'd start to hate me, and sometimes I still do. I get worried about people hurting me because of it, but that's not something I'm going to let change who I am.

If I had the choice in my sexuality, I'd still choose to be a lesbian, because I'm damn proud of it. Nobody should ever be made to feel ashamed of who they are.

:) x

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Old 21-09-2008, 04:29 AM   #48
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I just realized I have not posted on this thread before. So, I shall share a chapter of a little story I like to call:

The Story of Ceap
I'm 18.64 years old at the writing of this post. I am currently studying at university. I constantly question my sexuality and gender. Welcome to my world, it might have similarities to your world.

If you asked me my "sex" and gave me an option of male or female, I would be female. I am anatomically female.

If you asked me my "gender" and gave me an option of male, female, or other, I would be other. Before I knew what I was doing I always questioned or played with my gender, back to apparently even before primary school. I currently identify as queer, or more specifically for gender I would be genderqueer or possibly genderless. I'm also just me. I wear "girls" clothing sometimes. I don't always look like a boy or a girl, even though my hair has been long since grade 3. Long hair does not a girl make. I don't feel or identify as male or female. I just don't. I am usually comfortable with my anatomy. Certainly not all the time, but at the moment I am comfortable enough with it and do not want it to be changed.

If you asked me my sexual orientation and gave me the choice of gay, lesbian, or bisexual, I would be gay. Probably because I don't identify fully with being a girl/woman, I don't like using the term lesbian in reference to myself. Gay is better. Better yet...just queer. Although I have had crushes on males before...they were all ftms. Bisexual doesn't really decribe that. I also know that as I grow older I might find myself in love with a man (whether it is a biomale or ftm or other), and gay covers that better than lesbian or bisexual does.

So, basically I like the term queer when I have to/feel the need to label myself. It allows me to cover both my sexual orientation and gender/gender expression. It also allows me to change and mature under the queer umbrella and not explain having to change the label I have given myself. If queer is not an option, I would call myself pomosexual, which is not what wikipedia says it is so don't even try wikipedia-ing it. I know you wanted to.

So, that's it. I've spent a decent amount of time dealing with questioning my sexual orientation/sexuality and my gender/gender expression. I am quite open to discussion and questions. If you have any thing to say or ask pm me! Getting pms is fun, not that I get them all that much. *hint hint*

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Old 25-09-2008, 01:57 AM   #49
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i question wether im bi ogay or striaght or wat how do u realy know?

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Old 26-09-2008, 07:34 AM   #50
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I kinda just gave up trying to decide for sure and go with what Im feeling. I would consider myself bisexual though if asked.

But yeah..this baffles me. So you realize this and...then what? Like where do you go from there? How do you meet others and how do you know that they are interested?
I say this from a very socially awkward stand point haha sorry.


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Old 01-10-2008, 01:01 PM   #51
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See, now i have no idea. i could relate to ceap on genderless, apart from im hardly even happy being female, but dont want to transition either, although i think i would be happier being male, a transition just doesnt appeal to me.

Also, for any of you questioning being asexual, you could try visiting AVEN:

Hope that helps. If i had to label my sexuality it would be asexual. Well, gray-sexual, but it just gets complicated, so i'll join ceap on saying im just me. And if anyone wants to ask me anything, feel free to pm...

they say they have no claim to know what's right...
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Old 11-10-2008, 07:26 AM   #52
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ok. cool. thanks.

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Old 28-10-2008, 02:27 PM   #53
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I'm not quite sure about what I am..
I mean, I really don't want a boyfriend or anything like that, but I don't want a girlfriend either..
But at the same time, i think I have more feelings for girls than for boys..
To be honest, I think I'm bisexual..
And I like it :)

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Old 31-10-2008, 04:56 AM   #54
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I'm Conflicted...

I'm 28 and bisexual??? IDK
I am constantly in turmoil about my sexuality, and I also find it SO difficult to talk about. (In large part because of many different types of abuse and other things I have been through- causing fear, shame, and other emotions when the subjuct is brought up).

I want to tell everyone who has shared that I think you are brave and I admire you for that. I also wish I could be less afraid and could open up more about this issue.

Maybe I can look at this as a baby step.

Here Supporting You,

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Old 31-10-2008, 05:16 AM   #55
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youre never too young to know who you are
im fifteen too and bi

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Old 03-11-2008, 11:22 PM   #56
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So I'm 20, almost 21. I've always known I like girls but to scared to admit it or act on it, and I've had 2 serious relationships with guys.. first one was in my senior year of highschool and we had sex alot but it always pleased him a lot more than me. The in college I had a boyfriend and we never did anything physical he woudln't even hold hands "it was sharing to much sweat" and he ended up dumping me right after taking me to look for rings. Now I'm confused and starting to admit I like girls but I live in a little town in Utah so it is an impossible thing to do. I guess I would be considered Bi, but guys I see for social standings and kids and girls I see for what I really want. not sure what to do with it all.

"Gee I'm glad it's raining, There's always something to be thankful for.
I'm awfully glad it's raining, Cause no one sees your tear drops when it pours.
And no one knows the thunder is your heartbreak in disguise,
They think the rainy night is what put that sad look in your eyes."

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Old 10-11-2008, 09:18 PM   #57
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Because I'm gross.
c*ck or pussy, I'm not fussy.


Psychology, NCL, 2010.

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Old 15-11-2008, 07:43 PM   #58
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Someone asked me what my sexuality was last night and I started crying.
Thank god it was through text message or she would have thought I was nuts.
I just have no idea. And that answer isn't good enough.

So anyone who doesn't know what they are, you're definitely, definitely not alone. Feel free to PM me!

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Old 15-11-2008, 08:01 PM   #59
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if anyone asks what i am i just lie i dont want anyone to know what i truely am.......its............its.....its too painfull...........

we are the fallen
we are the wounded
we are the shattered
we are the unheard
we are the brave
we are the strong
we are Survivors.
we are the future
we fallen can still rise by the wings of hope that lifts us~

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Old 17-11-2008, 10:25 PM   #60
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does it really matter wat out sexuallity is or isnt?
i hate how it is made such a big deal ....why cant we just be who we want to be?

Some days are still hard but they make the good days seem all the better :)

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