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Old 17-03-2020, 11:05 AM   #1
Pani
 
Join Date: Mar 2020
Location: Sydney, Australia
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Scars revealed in public

Hello to anyone who sees this oof

I'm kinda new here and very recently (earlier this week honestly) started self harming in a way that actually leave marks. Before I'd only rarely self harm in a way that left no marks and it was only when I was feeling really emotionally overwhelmed. But for the past few months I've been struggling a lot with depression and a lot of negative thoughts and overwhelming emotions since I broke up with my ex. I've been locked in my room the past 3 days so today forced myself to go to the gym and go outdoors. I haven't been to the gym for over a month and honestly didn't even think about the communal shower oof. After my 2 hour workout I had a shower and forgot about the marks on my thighs until I sat down and they were clearly visible with my short towel. A little girl entered the change room and I struggled to hide the scars and tried to just quickly put my leggings on while avoiding eye contact. I have no idea if she saw anything, or if her mother who I later noticed in the corner saw anything. I felt scared of what the little girl would think and I desperately hope it doesn't impact her if she did see them. There are a lot of them and they're very visible atm and clearly made in a way that doesn't just look like they could have been an accident or from a cat or something oof. And now I feel scared for the little girl and worried that I may have possibly had a negative and lasting impact without meaning to and I feel so guilty realising this. Idk what to do or how exactly I'm feeling but I'm worried that when I get home I'm not going to be okay mentally and idk what I'll do

And sorry, this post is kinda more just me rambling and freaking out oof sorry

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Old 17-03-2020, 01:56 PM   #2
Shirayuki
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Join Date: Apr 2019
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It's alright

Good job on going out though, I wonder if maybe later on when she learns about it in school (not sure how old she is) all she'll do is remember something like that and wonder why, I'm not sure, sorry if it sounds like me thinking out loud though...

Maybe when you get home we can talk for as long as you need it? About whatever? (PM's or this thread, you pick)




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Old 17-03-2020, 05:30 PM   #3
Zurg
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I just popped in to say that i have pretty extensive scarring from self harm over a lot of my body and during summer i walk around in shorts and short sleeves like most other people. I have never experienced any children who seemed scared or uncomfortable when they saw me. Most children are too young to understand the concept of self harm and they Will most likely just look for a little longer because they are curious.

Don't feel bad about this. Seriously, it was an accident, you tried to hide it, sometimes things go wrong and even if the little girl did see the marks, she won't know what it was or what it was from.

Also, it is not on you to protect everyone else from all the bad stuff in the world. Even though it can feel like that.

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Old 18-03-2020, 08:09 PM   #4
not_so_insig
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Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Wales, UK
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I agree with Zurg. From my experience people dont tend to notice anyway. I go swimming on a regular basis and nobody has said anything about my extensive leg scars on my left leg. In most cases in an changing room situation people are too preoccupied to go "omg a SIer" anyway. At the end of the day you did your best to hide and unless you go attention seeking for your scars (which I am sure isn't the case here) people will think no different about you.



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