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Old 04-05-2017, 09:48 PM   #51341
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*hugs for all who need/want them*

Hannah, I think therapy would be a good thing so I hope the referal comes through soon. I think it is also a bit stupid that hes denying you have elevated moods because you definitely do and the team were involved to an extent when that happened. I'm thinking its another one of those 'no money' situations but also I think what Sarah says, has some truth in it. Maybe they don't want to label you with such a "big" thing.

Katie, I hope you managed to rest and that you are being nice to yourself.

Jill, of course you can talk about it here. If it helps. I dont think anyone will get tired of hearing it. I'm sure they just want to support you but I totally get it when you keep talking about the same thing to feel that way.

Amy, how are you doing? Any better?

Sarah, yay for not having anything to do tonight. I hope you can have a chill out night.

I've just run through my presentation again and I might have cried on the inside a bit lol. Its so stupid, each slide is 20 seconds long and there are 20 slides. There is so little you can say in 20 seconds. I am very much ready for bed though.



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Old 04-05-2017, 09:49 PM   #51342
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Yay for having nothing to do Sarah! What have you been up to with your free evening? I'm glad you slept well once you got to sleep last night. Are you feeling better for it?

Thanks lovely. It's not that I even want my diagnosis to be changed, or that I necessarily think I have bipolar, but I do think that my 'highs' are an issue (it's taken me a long time to admit that!) and that needs to be acknowledged / dealt with. I know that's my own fault for not bringing it up, but now I'm worried how it will look if I try to. Blah. I don't know.



"I know you're sad, so I won't tell you to have a good day. Instead, I advise you to simply have a day.
Stay alive, feed yourself well, wear comfortable clothes, and don't give up on yourself just yet.
It'll get better. Until then, have a day."


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Old 04-05-2017, 09:51 PM   #51343
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Hey Leigh! Bed sounds like a good plan. When is your presentation? I hope it goes well <3



"I know you're sad, so I won't tell you to have a good day. Instead, I advise you to simply have a day.
Stay alive, feed yourself well, wear comfortable clothes, and don't give up on yourself just yet.
It'll get better. Until then, have a day."


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Old 04-05-2017, 09:56 PM   #51344
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Yeah I totally get that, I didn't mind that they weren't changing my diagnosis because they were treating all of the things I was experiencing. I am so pleased that you are accepting your high moods, I know it hasn't been easy to come around to this. I would definitely bring it up with your team again, because it does need to be considered longer term to keep you happy and healthy and well and this is what we all want.

I have been colouring and watching stuff on netflix. I even had the house to myself for a little bit. It was heaven!

Good luck with the presentation Leigh, is 20 sec/slide their time frame or yours? There isn't a great deal you can say in 20sec but remember you will probably go through it quicker on the day than in a practice.



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Old 04-05-2017, 10:04 PM   #51345
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Hannah I’m sorry I don’t think I understand what’s going on with your lithium? I’m sorry that your diagnosis question didn’t seem to be helpful, it sounds like you don’t think depression fully describes your symptoms and I can see why. I know the psychologist will be scary but it might be really helpful so I’m glad you have agreed to give it a go. I promise you’re not rubbish or flawed and there is nothing wrong with your (excellent) personality. I do think if you can bring up your highs it is really worth making sure he knows how much it affects you though.

Sarah that sounds like an excellent use of an evening

Leigh well done for going through your presentation, I’m sure it will be great.

It’s tricky to allow myself to rest and recover because I feel like I’m making it all up. But then I also know that I feel terrible and I really really can’t carry on like this anymore. So I don’t know what to think.




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Old 04-05-2017, 10:07 PM   #51346
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There time frame and it just changes automatically. It isn't until the 15th so I have a lot of time to practice but I have to submit it tomorrow and wanted to check it all worked.

What are you watching on Netflix?

Hannah, I reckon you should bring it up. I would just say 'at the time I was scared to bring it up, but its something that is a real problem for me'



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Old 04-05-2017, 10:07 PM   #51347
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That sounds excellent! Have you been watching anything good on Netflix? I need new stuff to watch!

Thanks lovely. I mean, in a way it doesn't matter because it actually wouldn't change my treatment, but it just feels a bit **** that there's a fairly large part of my experience that is being ignored. That sounds really silly and self indulgent! But like, I feel like how things have been recently is something I need to talk about and process but I'm really scared to because it feels like they've discounted what they were told.



"I know you're sad, so I won't tell you to have a good day. Instead, I advise you to simply have a day.
Stay alive, feed yourself well, wear comfortable clothes, and don't give up on yourself just yet.
It'll get better. Until then, have a day."


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Old 04-05-2017, 10:10 PM   #51348
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So many ninjas!!

Katie, *cuddles* Why do you think you're making it up lovely? I struggle with that feeling too, but logically, why would you? If you could just carry on and feel fine and not struggle with this stuff then you obviously would. You aren't choosing this. You deserve to be kind to yourself and let yourself rest if that's what you need.

That sounds stressful Leigh, 20 seconds is nothing! Yay for time to practice though :)



"I know you're sad, so I won't tell you to have a good day. Instead, I advise you to simply have a day.
Stay alive, feed yourself well, wear comfortable clothes, and don't give up on yourself just yet.
It'll get better. Until then, have a day."


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Old 04-05-2017, 10:12 PM   #51349
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What is the evidence that you are making it up? (don't have to answer)



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Old 04-05-2017, 10:16 PM   #51350
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Not silly or indulgent at all lovely. Even if it doesn't change your treatment as such I think even if they know it is something to watch out for and to ask about that would be good. It maybe a good idea to write a few things down maybe from just before your mood turned mixed? Would maybe taking a long an online quiz or something similar be a way of getting a conversation started?



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Old 04-05-2017, 10:17 PM   #51351
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If you're feeling that way you definitely need to bring it up with them, Hannah. I've been under my team for 7 years now and it's only really the last year or two that they've been accepting my 'highs'. It is very frustrating and confusing to have them ignore something so potentially damaging and disruptive to your life. It drives Ritzi mad but we've been saying it for years. I know that's not much help but please bring it up with them and make them acknowledge it. If only for your piece of mind rather than a diagnosis. They must think something is up otherwise they wouldn't have started you on lithium.

Leigh, good luck with your presentation, I hope there's nothing much that needs doing to it now.

Sarah, sounds like a good evening!

Katie, I think you know on some level that you're not making this us and really need the support so I hope you can be honest on Monday.

I'm ok. Better sleep last night and feel a bit better today. Still having self harm thoughts but that's been flagged as more autism related with feelings of being overwhelmed so idk. I think if I'm still like this next week I'll do something.

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Old 04-05-2017, 10:23 PM   #51352
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I watched an episode of a new programme girl boss I think it was called. It was pretty amusing and easy to watch.

Glad you slept better Amy. Did they give any suggestions on how to handle the feelings of being overwhelmed?



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Old 04-05-2017, 10:29 PM   #51353
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What was it about?

Not really, no, I just kind of got the diagnosis and a couple of website links and it's been left. The problem is it's situational. I know what's making me overwhelmed and I can't change/reduce it and where other people might stim, I do sh. I do stim a bit but learnt in my teens to kind of suppress it, which is where the self harm became very prominent.

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Old 04-05-2017, 10:38 PM   #51354
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Ahh okay I might have to try that! I'm watching First Dates at the moment, it's awful in a good way :P

I'm glad you feel a bit better Amy, but I'm sorry you're still struggling with feeling overwhelmed. Have you been given any help with the autism side of things? Do your team have anything useful to say about it?

Thanks. I think I will bring it up with my CC when I next see her. I'm really anxious about it though because invalidating things seems to be her speciality :P The lithium is for recurrent depression. Which I do have but I don't feel like it's the whole picture. Oh well. Will see what they say next time I guess.



"I know you're sad, so I won't tell you to have a good day. Instead, I advise you to simply have a day.
Stay alive, feed yourself well, wear comfortable clothes, and don't give up on yourself just yet.
It'll get better. Until then, have a day."


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Old 04-05-2017, 10:39 PM   #51355
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That sounds really tough Amy. Is it worth bringing it up with your team again? It seems quite unfair to leave you with no support for that side of things. *squish*



"I know you're sad, so I won't tell you to have a good day. Instead, I advise you to simply have a day.
Stay alive, feed yourself well, wear comfortable clothes, and don't give up on yourself just yet.
It'll get better. Until then, have a day."


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Old 04-05-2017, 10:41 PM   #51356
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a privileged girl trying to make her way despite it, quitting a job and ignoring an eviction notice and then it all turning around for her yeah know as it does all the time in real life! It reminded me a bit of the B in apartment 23.

are there any soothing things you could do when you start to feel overwhelmed?



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Old 04-05-2017, 10:43 PM   #51357
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HAnnah I think it is important for them to understand how you've been feeling even if your treatment didn't change as a result.

I'm lad you feel a bit better and slept ok amy, is there anything that helps you feel less overwhelmed? Are you able to take breaks from situations that make you feel that way?

I feel like I make everything up and am manipulative and horrible. I think I'm scared to admit hat I'm not making it up because I'm so terrified there's nothing anyone can do to yelp and that they'll turn round and tell me that it's my fault and I'm broken and I need to try harder. That's so scary because I can't try any harder. I so badly want to self destruct and I don't know why.




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Old 04-05-2017, 10:50 PM   #51358
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They don't see everything Hannah, you see your CC what once every few weeks, you can't always get a full picture from that especially when you aren't necessarily looking for it. Try not to think about it as invalidating things that is her specialty think about it as filling in the gaps.

It is a scary place to be when you feel that something is wrong and you don't know how to fix it Katie. Its not just a case of trying harder, you can't will yourself to be better. I really wish you could because it would make life so much easier. I think what you wrote there was really honest and I think maybe taking something like that along to your appointment might be helpful. I can promise you, you aren't making everything up, you aren't manipulative, you aren't at fault and there will be something someone can do to help you. Hang in there.

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Old 04-05-2017, 11:07 PM   #51359
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Thanks Sarah. I'm just so awful to be around at the moment. I snap at the slightest thing and I can't control my emotions. I hate myself. I want the pain inside to go away which is selfish because the only ways I know how to make it stop hurt other people.




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Old 04-05-2017, 11:07 PM   #51360
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Katie I just want to second everything Sarah said <3 You're doing so well to keep going through this. But it's totally okay to need some help, that does not make you manipulative or horrible in any way. You're lovely. I wish you could see that as well as we can.

Thank you guys <3 I'll bring it up with CC when I see her. I feel sad. I'm tired of having MH problems. I wish they would just bugger off.



"I know you're sad, so I won't tell you to have a good day. Instead, I advise you to simply have a day.
Stay alive, feed yourself well, wear comfortable clothes, and don't give up on yourself just yet.
It'll get better. Until then, have a day."


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