Triggering (ED) - help??

[Lost-Odd-Sock]

hey, i did my vaccuming to david bowie last night..

nothing helped,

i really was taken over by thoughts and visons.

The following content has been hidden - Reason : suicide. graphic ish..?? TRIG

i was nearly convinced that i would have to take my own life..

i was holding a razor and crying and ...i did nothing, because i dont want ...anyone to be disappointed in me. ..

i hit my head on the wall a few times and punched a few things and just generally threw a hissy fit..like a grown up ... heh..

i feel very fragile today..

need some love, i feel very un love able.

[Lost-Odd-Sock]

****, **** **** ****er **** **** ****!!

panicking EVERYWHERE

im so hungry and its making me panic, my body telling me i need food is sending me into a frenzy, i cant have anything today help?

[Alone and Scared]

*Sits with you and holds your hand*

Have you had anything yet sweetie? x

[Alone and Scared]

I AM GLAD YOU DIDN'T DO ANYTHING LAST NIGHT!
Please don't do anything to yourself, you've got to fight this, even when you feel like you can't fight anymore, please keep going. Don't give up. x

[Lost-Odd-Sock]

nope nothing, it hurts im ...falling, i cant im so chocked up?

this makes no sense but it feels like my throat is clogging up every time i try and bite

*cries*

[Alone and Scared]

*holds* x

[Lost-Odd-Sock]

this is whats in my head...

BIG TRIGGER DONT READ IF FRAGILE!!

The following content has been hidden - Reason : ED trig

dont be afraid, take a bite, there you go, chew it slow, fatty fatty fatty, look what you've become..chew fatso, i am here with you and when you're done ill kill you...just dont take that bite..and you'll be fine. waste with me. waste with me. waste with me.

[Alone and Scared]

That is the ED lying to you.
That is what you have gotta fight real hard against. x

[Lost-Odd-Sock]

*TRIES*

i cant fail, i cant, things will sometimes just be SO HARD!!

[Alone and Scared]

If you try you won't fail, just remember that.
TRYING = WINNING.
The time that you give up trying, is the time that you fail.
x

[Lost-Odd-Sock]

hello there.

not been around for a couple of days ben in hospital with stomach pains been having since friday, went into hospital on sunday, let out last night.

they think i might have something wrong with my womb lining..
and i also have an infection there


i have nevre had a more humiliating hospital stay.
i had things stuck in me every which way.

The following content has been hidden - Reason : embarassing +mentions SA

cried my eyes out when they had to take swabs from..."down there"
last time i had that down was after the rape...urgh

i cant really keep any food down..
and that makes me more down, how am i supposed to keep fighting and all now i have a reason to lose and get away with it? i really dont want to be thinking like that...but its hard to stop those type of thoughts.

hard to fight those thoughts you know??

just gota keep trying, i ..just dunno

still in pain, gotta take anibiotics, so need to try and eat something,but it wont stay down. im so so down about all of this...

nothing seems worth it right now.

[Alone and Scared]

*hunni hugs hugs*
I was really worried about where you where and if you were ok.
Sorry to hear you were poorly darlin', do you feel any better now? Did you have someone at the Hospital with you?

Oh, and the swab thing isn't embarrassing, I think it's totally understandable sweetie.

Just try to eat little and often chick. xxxx

[Lost-Odd-Sock]

hey sweet pea. im still in loads of pain but at least im home.
going back to hospital in abit to pick up meds.

i can eat grapes without throwing them up...but thats it atm.

*sigh*

[0xygen]

why did u leave? i was trying to see if i could find some info for you...