FallenStar - Firstly I want to say how sorry I am for the abuse you have had to endure from such a young age. I know from personal experience just how damaging abuse can be to a person, and I think I really do relate to just how deep the emotional pain can be.
I also agree with the advice given by the posters before me, who have suggested that it would be helpful to find someone you can talk to about the abuse you lived through, and how it effects you today .... be that a close friend, a counsellor, a teacher, a brother or sister, or even us here at RYL.
I believe that one of the most devestating aspects of abuse, is that the victims are often coerced and threatened into keeping it all a secret, and when something as big and harmful and soul-destroying as being abused, is kept deep inside and never shared with anyone else, then I think those secrets just build up and fester inside, and can eventually turn your own mind against you, making you feel depressed, suicidal, angry, guilty, sad, rageful etc - it effects people differently.
I think a main component of healing from any sort of abuse, is being able to share these secrets ..... getting it all out of your head, and being listened to by someone who is safe, supportive and non-judgemental. Sometimes a therapist or counsellor is also needed, as past abuse can be really damaging and harmful to a person, so additional professional help to sort out the more complicated issues, may be warranted.
I think you've gotten to a great start, FallenStar, by sharing a brief part of your story here in this thread .... sometimes just starting to talk about the abuse, can be hardest step for a person, so I think you've done very well by making this post.
Please understand that you can heal from the effects of your past abuse ... with the right sort of help and with alot of hard work, it is possible to feel happy about your life and be comfortable with the person you are today.
Take care ....