*sits with*
You've gone through such an awful lot and with a heart as kind as yours it's bound to hurt with all the pain and suffering you have experienced and witnessed.
Well, no news is better than bad news, right? I understand that you're facing big, sad things, but it's still okay and even good to keep going, to focus on good things and do stuff you enjoy. I understand feeling anxious and confused right now. But don't be afraid, the storm will settle, and you will be okay. If someone is going to pry and ask you uncomfortable questions, you don't have to answer them, you can just ask them all to leave you alone. I know it's hard, but can you focus on something else for this moment? It's okay to just spend some time focusing on an enjoyable activity rather then thinking of what would happen, and deal with the difficult things as they come. Once it happens, you'll deal with it, and it doesn't matter how you'll react, there is no right or wrong way to respond to things like that and ultimately that is just a part of the process of moving on. There is no certain level to which you're "supposed" to be upset. It is a very personal thing and it's okay to be very upset - or not at all, only relieved instead. No matter how you react, that's fine.
Can you talk to someone about your feelings on the matter in person? You are not selfish at all, anyone would struggle with such difficult things, you deserve some support too.
Thank you. I'm so sorry I came to delete that post this morning. When I wake up in the middle of the night I feel so much worse and I wish I hadn't wrote that because you're so right.
Do not be dismayed by the brokenness of the world. All things can be mended. Not with time, as they say, but with intention. So go. Love intentionally, extravagantly, unconditionally. The broken world awaits in darkness for the light that is you.
It's okay, I don't think anyone will be upset that you deleted a post. But it's also okay to talk to us about the way you feel, even if you change your mind soon. I think most of us have been upset about something, but then felt better after a while when they put it in perspective, so I guess we can all understand.
My heart is aching so so much right now. My friend died peacefully in the early hours of yesterday morning. I don't want to say or think. I feel so numb, when all I ever wanted was to get through and feel okay. I have fought so hard this year, just to be slapped in the face with this reality. Why do I keep losing all the people I love? It hurts so much.
Do not be dismayed by the brokenness of the world. All things can be mended. Not with time, as they say, but with intention. So go. Love intentionally, extravagantly, unconditionally. The broken world awaits in darkness for the light that is you.
So sorry to hear this, I'm thinking of you. It's OK not to know what to say/think; there is no 'right' way to feel. Please keep talking to us here and to people irl, there are lots of people who want to support you through this.
Hey pixie, i know nothing i can say right now can ease the pain you're feeling but i wanted you to know i am thinking of you and i am trying to send you some strength and love.
The world can seem cruel when it comes to death and losing the ones we love. But it only hurts because we love. And in itself, love is a beautiful thing and death doesn't take that away. He was important to you and that is why it hurts so bad. The love doesn't die even if the people do and that is another beautiful thing.
It gets better. I know it isn't much comfort now, but it does. Be gentle with yourself. Be kind to yourself. Your friend would have wanted nothing else. May he rest in peace.
You have been through so much and will most likely have some hard times to come trying to deal with everything, please be kind to yourself and allow yourself to experience your emotions safely.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
Thank you so much everyone your comments are incredibly kind and helpful. I am finding being at home easier than work, because the anxiety attached to his illness has now gone. But instead it has just left a gaping emptiness that I don't quite know what to do with. I just need to let myself be sad, but I am paranoid that everyone thinks I am being dramatic. It's just so surreal. I can't quite accept it's happened and keep thinking he'll be at the end of a text message to tell me this is all going to be okay. I have just spent the last two days feeling incredibly numb.
Do not be dismayed by the brokenness of the world. All things can be mended. Not with time, as they say, but with intention. So go. Love intentionally, extravagantly, unconditionally. The broken world awaits in darkness for the light that is you.
Thank you Luna. That really does mean a lot. My working week ended really quite badly, so many tears and still so much shock. The office was shut today. It turns out none of us were coping, so yesterday we were given today as a day of rest which was so needed. I've felt quite low but have arranged to meet a friend tomorrow for a dog walk. I hope this'll help me feel a bit better. Exercise normally helps.
Do not be dismayed by the brokenness of the world. All things can be mended. Not with time, as they say, but with intention. So go. Love intentionally, extravagantly, unconditionally. The broken world awaits in darkness for the light that is you.
That sounds like a good idea, I hope it helped today.
From your previous post, I just wanted to reassure you that no one is going to think you're being dramatic, because you're not.
I guess having friends at work who are going through it with you is a mixture of helpful because they understand and tricky because they're also struggling and you're kind of constantly reminded of it?
The day out on Saturday was really good for me and I'm pleased I did it. I can't believe how much it hit me at work again though. With the way I feel right now, every time I walk into that place I feel like I'm on the verge of having a complete break down. Today I had to spend half a day working alone because I just could not face anybody or anything. I was terrified of something stupid tipping me over the edge. I have to keep it together, but I really feel like I'm on the brink of something bad. I now have additional family pressures which I cannot go into on here, but it's attacking me from all directions and I just don't feel safe anymore. I want to grieve but I can't because I have to spend all my energy focused on keeping it together for others. I wasn't even able to grieve properly over my husband leaving me last year for the same reason. I am not feeling so strong anymore.
I was so tempted to just leave work today and walk for as long as I needed to in any random direction, without a phone, not wanting to be found. I'm so fortunate to have loving colleagues who understand but it also makes it so hard to face because we're all feeling it together. I'm sorry for the ramble I know I will feel better tomorrow but I'm exhausted and feel absolutely terrible right now. I just need to get this out of my head.
Do not be dismayed by the brokenness of the world. All things can be mended. Not with time, as they say, but with intention. So go. Love intentionally, extravagantly, unconditionally. The broken world awaits in darkness for the light that is you.
You do not need to be sorry for anything, it's completely OK to offload here. I hope that RYL can be a place where you don't feel like you have to keep it together for others. I know you've said that you can't talk about family stuff on here, so I just wanted to say feel free to PM me about it if you want.
It must be so tricky with everything hitting you when you're at work. Have you spoken about that aspect of it with any of your colleagues? Perhaps they are having similar struggles.
Do you think taking a long walk by yourself would be helpful for you? Also, have you considered grief counselling? Even if it wasn't specific grief counselling, it could be good for you to have someone you can talk to without having to worry if they're OK!
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