I can't connect with my best friend

[damocles23]

So, my best friend is a good person and I have ondmemories about him. The thing is, I think I'm distancing him and I don't know how to feel about it. I met him at my college and we were part of a decent sized group of friends. We did everything together. Thing is, my depression forced me to take a break from my studies while the others went on with their lives. Bear in mind that I finished my studies as of writing and I'm searching for a job. There was this person that was basically the "leader" of the group. As of right now, while I liked him at first, he's the worst person I know. I have no fondness for this person ever since our falling out. He did the worst thing you could ever do to me and weìve cut each other off. Thing is, my friend didn't cut him out. In fact, no one did.
I still hold a major grudge towards them when they chose to invite him and not me when The Force Awakens came out.
It seems a little thing but bear in mind that I love Star Wars. They knew how much i loved it and how much I looked forward for the new movie. My friend and I were part of the same rpg group. We played Star Wars D20. I introduced them to The Clone Wars tv series. I looked forward to see that movie and seeing with them.

They didn't care.
My friend and I have patched things up but I still feel that grudge deep down and while I am ashamed of feeling like that, I feel like he owes me an apology at least.
Now we both started our master's degree and not only I don't want to pursue that (Long story) but now he wants to study together for the tests. I hate studying together. I much prefer doing that alone. Still, I can't say no to him and I feel miserable about it. I feel miserable while studying in general but that's another matter. I just can't open up to him and I don't want to cut ties with him all of a sudden.

[Horizon]

I'm sorry you're having this issue with your friend.

If he wants to study together for tests and you don't want to do that, then you have the ability and the right to say to him "I would rather study alone; I find I retain more and learn more efficiently that way".

If you don't like this person and feel no fondness for him, as you say, then it either isn't going to work out, or you could try telling him you'd like to have a discussion about how you feel about whatever he did that caused you both to "cut each other off" and say that it's still bothering you.

Without an attempt at open communication, you will probably end up ruminating about your grudge and dislike for this person, so it's up to you to decide whether you'd like to give whatever friendship is left one more try with an honest conversation and see what happens.

It sounds like you don't want to be friends with him, so instead of forcing yourself to be around a person you don't like, without cutting ties with him all of a sudden, then a conversation probably needs to take place. Conversations about issues in a friendship are never pleasant, but getting them out of the way and having everyone know where they stand can really clear the air, regardless of the outcome.

I'm sorry your friends didn't invite you to something that held so much importance to you.

Unfortunately, you may not ever get an apology out of either your friend or the group of friends who didn't invite you to the movie.

[damocles23]

Thank you for your kind words.


I did manage to talk with him about the studying issue and he understood. He didn't sound upset even if he said that I should've told him earlier. He did have a point, though.


I think we shold have this conversation. We had to have it a long time ago. I need to be honest at least.


To be fair, while I'd like an apology from him, I know I'll never get that from the others and especially that person but I don't particularly care. Recently, they invited me in a whatsappgroup chat. I wasn't particularly eager to but maybe I could've had some fun. I promised to myself "Ok, if they're the same idiots I remember I'm leaving". I left after an hour.