Life is a further fight. So many fighting little things and so many huge things. Why is living like trying to keep swimming and never stop? I feel so disconnected from people even when I go out with my support worker to practice going in, and there for I am out with a person so that means I'm not alone, but I still feel alone. I am constantly talking to people in my house, other world and just talking to me about things like I'm a separate person.
I don't know what to do.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
Yes, I was wondering about that too - if there was any mileage in asking your CPN for more contact. It sounds like you could really do with it at the moment.
How are things now?
My CPN is trying to get me moving forward so that means a reduction in time I speak to my CPN. She thinks I have enough with her and the support from my support worker but the support worker doesn't help. Everything is wrong and hard and I am weak. This has been going on for ever. I dread trying to write messages online or offline. I've had to take ages to write this message. Sorry I'm slow.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
I spoke to my CPN who thought I am ok (a slight quieting to some of the men stuff.) Some of the side effects have changed I can mostly walk without fallingI'm still getting tuned down beeps and codes. Which is true but no one takes a look at my emotions. I just do not like this being fighting a battle every day. I this feels like a crying time but I'm not crying. There is more stuff I could write here but I think that's all I can post right now. Thank you for bearing with me.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
I understand that feeling like every day is exhausting battle. I'm learning to take it moment-by-moment. Otherwise at the end of the day, I see it as a failure. I now try to appreciate even those little moments of relief.
You've always been kind and replied to my threads when I've needed support and I didn't forget it. You helped me.
Hey one step closer just thought I'd drop by im sorry things are so difficult and so much is changing it sounds tuff right now so much of what ur saying is so relatable. I also remember u commenting on my posts alot so wanted to thankyou for that . Excuse my spellings my brain is refusing to cooperate right now with remembering spellings so i just spell stuff how i think it shud b spelt lol. I really do hope things start improving for u soon big hugs if u would like them take care . We all care about u and u r important even if it doesnt feel like it sorry for not commenting sooner i just rarely know what to say an worry i will say the wrong thing
I bought 2 diaries and in both of them is mixed messages in it so I have to phone everyone to see when they can't understand what has been the right message. How do I get so confused? I feel very lonely but there's no one I actually want to be with and it wouldn't be a long thing and I\d get overwhelmed very soon. Things with men are getting slower and more quiet I told my CPN about new ladies in that group and she said so that means this memory and medication aren't being helpful. My CPN said is it even taking meds that aren't getting the people and things then I shouldn't be on some of the meds I am. I know myself and I know that changes and at this that is going on now is a step down, so I'd like to carry on for a while with the meds. I don't know if I could say that to my CPN or psych. Nothing really stops the distress and low mood and anxiety and it's a big shot to wind down the men etc. I'm trying massively to get back on the foot. I hope no-one is going to give up on me.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
I can't speak for rl but nobody here is going to give up on you. We are here for as long as you need us. I personally don't think your cpn will give up on you either as otherwise they wouldn't be doing their job.
Wannabe CPN : -)
"He who is tired of Weird Al is tired of life." - Homer Simpson "I hear those voices that will not be drowned" Sanity is a nasty disease. The world would be a happier place without it. - Rilic
RIP Kat 4th July 1987- 11th June 2013
I agree with insig, we won't give up on you. I also doubt your cpn Will give up on you as it sounds like she cares a great deal. I Think the problem is that she's quite limited as to what she can do without breaking the rules of her job. And that's a very sucky situtation.
I had a phone call from my CPN yesterday. I quickly meantion I could help out in the food bank and I really actually don't think I could, I had a more positive feeling yesterday since I managed to mostly sort out the things I'm writing and am able to mostly understanding. If I speak to my CPN briefly she thinks it's all bright and we could get me a job at some time. I wasn't meaning I could get a job. I know it will probably go slowly but I have breakdowns nearly every day and I know volunteering or working will make me more terrified. I probably look like an idiot.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
Don't dismiss being able to volunteer at the food bank just yet. I think having that moment of positivity is a good thing and shows that you can actually see beyond being stuck in this cycle of negativity. There's no rush to make changes at all, but having one positive thought, no matter how fleeting, is something to be proud of.
Thanks. I can't see working anywhere because of my symptoms, especially if I had to be there for quite a while. I'm so stupid saying that and it will be passed on to everyone and then everyone will push me. I can't deal with this. I don't know about speaking properly when it's a person I don't know. I need a sure death plan if I end up doing this and I didn't go well.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
No one's expecting you to go from where you are now to a 40 hour working week in one massive jump. No one can see what the future holds so there's absolutely no point saying "This won't work" now. Take things one day/hour/ minute at a time. And you don't need to die just because something doesn't work out once. It just means that thing wasn't right for you but there are endless amounts of things to try out there and there will be something you CAN do and enjoy doing, even if it's just one hour a week. So far it's just a thought and that can be as far as it needs to go right now.
I'm all speech weirdness and mainly talking to people who aren't in my house. I go with it and believe that are talking and then I seriously think I better respond. Then I start seeing then and try to tell myself these are people from. the other world and I tel myself that and stoping to them. I need my CPN but I'm not thinking she'll fixate on me volunteering with the food bank at some point in the future.
I'm trying to get back into writing in my diary but it's not happening. Any ideas? Writing in my diary helps me when I'm anxious and feeling full and upset. I think it's connected to my speech and walking and talking.
I went to cut to help myself but I didn't even open the box. I am too rubbish at cutting now. I did do a type of self harm but it's fine to do that in my house.
I'm really scared and crying right now because of the difficult things I have to do and the people are never really able to help are few
Emotional pain.
I really am not up to continuing this way.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
I'm not doing anything. I just want to go home but home is a space like area. There are no answers to anything. I need some emotional help. I mess everything up with every time she speaks to me. There are so many rules and I can't understand all the rules. We can't go through this forever. I will hopefully kill myself soon but I never get that right. I don't know when I'm really distressed and there are no one around to soothe me and self soothing isn't helpful. I need out asap.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
Curveball
