Baby Support Thread

[Cacoethes]

Thanks everyone, that's very reassuring <3 x

I'm OK when she's at mine, because it's only my mum supervising, and then it's not like she's supervising, it's just like having her over as I probably would in normal circumstances. It's so hard having her at home though, it's lovely while she's here, but then I have to come back to am empty house with her toys everywhere.

I've got court next Friday. It's just a review type thing to check everyone i.e social services are doing what they've been told to do
This is only a couple of months from being over now. And it's terrifying. They could decide that she could be 'rehabilitated into my care' (they do use some odd terms) or they could decide to put Jasmine up for adoption. They could cut my contact right back to a couple of times a year.
I'm so close to losing it with the social worker, though of course I know that would be a very bad thing to do.
They keep having a go at me for not doing things that have been recommended, they don't seem to understand how much I have going on and how hard it all is, they just want to tick their boxes.
One person said I needed to do a parenting class because I 'don't know much about a child's development'. I know about as much as any first time mum, and there is nothing that Google can't tell me in under 5 seconds.
The same lady also said that it wasn't normal for a baby to put their hands so far into their mouth that they retch, which I've been told is normal because she was only 3 months old when she was doing this and didn't know what her hands were!

Sorry for the rant.
The mother and baby group starts up again today. So that will be good.

And jasmine is loving her solids. Although we tried apple for the first time yesterday and she wasn't keen, she scrunched up her nose and stuck out her tongue. She's had sweet potato, carrot and butternut squash so far. Wasn't that fussed about carrot either! And she doesn't grab the spoon, she grabs the bowl!

[squirrelspit]

i dont blame you Beckie. When im chatting to Oliver during the day i talk to him about what im doing but in a baby voice. It normally goes something alon the lines of

'mummys doing the shitting laundry again.. look at all this washing!'
and
'would you look at your dad, what a stupid arse'
and
'what the flip are we going to have for dinner

ramble ramble! I just use him as a sounding board really. :p

i think a lot of it they encourage you to make syllable sounds like 'ma-ma' 'ba-ba' kind of thing cos thy copy those noises. Maybe you could read books to her or lay on the floor with her and talk to her about crawling or something.

[squirrelspit]

also, that is bollocks about the hand thing Oliver did it, every baby st the baby group did it.

What a ****.

[Cacoethes]

That's what I'd do if I was at home, I used to do it on the ward because the staff just left me to it most of the time, even though it took me a while to feel comfortable with that.

They have said to me before that they take into account that it's hard, because we're sat in a room for 3 hours, so obviously I'm not doing house stuff, it's just me and jasmine (and them) in a room. Which is pretty intense. An one of the workers has just started saying to jasmine 'you probably want a story don't you?' Or 'you want to play with some toys'. Which is an obvious hint at me that I'm not stimulating her enough, and it really pisses me off. Because I keep jasmine happy, clapping and such, but then comments like that I totally panic and worry that they're going to write down that I'm not playing with her enough. And the way she addresses jasmine and not me I find incredibly patronising. (A surprising amount of people get mental health and learning disability confused, also, they get a lot of people at the centre who are...um...uneducated, so they kind of assume I'm the same)

[Cacoethes]

Im thinking of ringing her up today and challenging it. I need to call her anyway.
She's convinced I need to address some issues because I'm dealing with it ' the wrong way'. And will probably have a mental breakdown in the future because of it.
Personally, I think they should learn to do their own jobs properly before trying to do my mh teams jobs as well!
But I need to call her and ask if she has any mental health experience, I don't think she does, and that will be a good defense if she brings up about my mh in her report.

[Childerbeast]

It sounds like you're doing your best and they are making things a little difficult, though the suggestions could possibly be trying to help out rather than trying to patronise? Im not sure how it was said at the time though so who knows.

That must be hard with them treating you the same as other people who may be having far more difficulty with interractions on a normal level. Its a realy shame people dont understand MH issues dont make you dumb any more than smoking! hopefully in a few months this will all be over and you'll have jasmine back permenantly and can forget all this ever happened :(

[Mandimoo]

Is there any way you could have an advocate there who could take notes on how you are treated and correct the social worker if needs be? Sounds horrible x

[Cacoethes]

Thanks both x

I've thought of getting an advocate, but at the moment it's just one more thing to organise, plus, I only really speak to the social worker on the phone, I hardly see her in person (yet she can still make these judgements about me)

[[Awakening]]

Beckie I know it's annoying but I've found that what you described as patronising, is just how people talk to you when you have a baby, like using the baby as a phone!
My mum and sister did it loads when Ethan was a baby and I used to get really stressed at them because I desperately needed adult interaction but was met with 'mummy needs to get some new shoes doesn't she, oh poor mummy, she needs to find a new group with some other nice mummies and little babies for you to play with....' in baby voices...

I found myself replying to my sister through my nephew the other day in a baby voice. I don't think it's meant to be patronising, or even implying that you aren't playing with Jasmine enough, it's just how adults interact with babies and their mums Like 'you're a stinky baby aren't you? mummy needs to change your nappy doesn't she?' doesn't mean they don't think you are caring for the baby well enough - it's just pointing out that the baby has done a poo and needs changing....

I'm sorry you find it patronising though, is there a suggestions box you could anonymously slip a note into about it?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Senator Aardvark

Thanks both x

I've thought of getting an advocate, but at the moment it's just one more thing to organise, plus, I only really speak to the social worker on the phone, I hardly see her in person (yet she can still make these judgements about me)

Have you mentioned it to your cpn? Could she email your social worker to point out that it's hers and her teams job to deal with MH issues and hers to deal with Jasmine issues?? I think the issue is that some things could be misconstrued as addressing MH issues but actually addressing parenting issues - I could be wrong though. But I know that social services do need to see that parents are working with them to better the parenting areas that social services are concerned about - in your case it's a bit blurred, and perhaps you could ask your CPN to suggest that the social worker speaks to them first about what they want you to do etc... so your CPN can see if it's relevant to you or if there's a better way to go about it etc..?

[Cacoethes]

These comments are usually accompanied with 'you know babies her age need to be read to and that helps their speech and they need toys etc' which is directed at me.
You're probably right Jocelyn, I'm incredibly sensitive at the moment and to me it seems like they think I'm an idiot who knows nothing about children.

My cpn has spoken to the social worker, my cpn offered to write a report on how I'm doing at the moment, because she thinks there is too much emphasis on the past and none on the present.
Social services have agreed to 'let' her do it.

The social worker asked how my grandad was yesterday. He and his wife were going to adopt jasmine if I couldn't have her, but then my grandad had to have a tumour removed from his brain, and relearn how to do everything, so obviously not in the position to look after a baby right now.
It annoyed me that she asked how he was like that, like she actually cares. She just wanted to know if they can easily and cheaply hand jasmine over to them, that's fine, that's her job, but the fact that she just asks at the end of a conversation 'how's your grandad' not, 'is it anymore likely they can have her'
Pisses me off.

[[Awakening]]

I can understand that's annoying but I think some people find it really hard to ask awkward questions out right like that, not that that's good or anything!

I have an amazing book I'd love to send you. It gives the areas of play etc that babies need at each stage and suggests a 'golden hour of play' which is split into different games etc. It's hard to explain but I loved it and it helped me to look at other ways of playing with Ethan to help his development. I'd need your address again though, would you be able to PM it?

That honestly wasn't meant to be patronising, I gave one for my sister to because I loved it so much. Plus it could help people back off a little with the play thing...

[Cacoethes]

That sounds fantastic Jocelyn, I'll pm you :)

I'm probably just being over sensitive with the social worker thing, I suppose it's just that this is all drawing to an end now and it's still rather uncertain. They talk about my mh problems all the time, but never seem to recognise that it may make arranging things etc even more difficult for me, they seem to be rather selective and only ever focus on the things I'm not doing and forcing me to admit to my mistakes (which I do, when I've actually made a mistake) but they never recognise what I am doing.

The social worker said on the phone yesterday 'i feel like you're insulting my intelligence' I just felt like saying, welcome to my world!

Also, an actual baby related question!
What other food can I try Jasmine on? We've done sweet potato, carrot, butternut squash and apple so far. And when do they start having sticks of pepper and stuff? She hasn't got any teeth yet, although her gums are very hard and she's chewing her fingers and sucking her lips a lot.

[Mrs Sam]

I waited till 6 months for sticks of food as Elliot was sitting up on his own and had a few teeth. Before that he had puréed apple, pear, sweet potato, avocado, turnip, brocolli, spinach, basically any veg. He also sucked on a lump of melon but it never went in his mouth. He also liked sucking ice cubes but again with me holding on tightly!

[[Awakening]]

We did finger foods right from the start, Ethan was a few days away from 6 months. Try things like banana, pear, melon, avocado (be careful it can stain and is very messy!) cucumber (perhaps start with sticks of the soft seedy middle bit!) etc... soft things are less scary, so good to grow your confidence with.

They can pretty much nom on everything without teeth - as I'm sure you know, their gums are pretty hard!

[squirrelspit]

Oliver is having finger food as well as purees.. but he has mastered chewing, and is also able to sit up without any assistance for a long time.

Today he had a crushed up reduced sugar rusk mixed in to some fromage frais. He also tried avocado (not a fan!) and he had boiled potato and peas for his dinner.

We kind of give him the same food that we would eat, just with no salt or anything.

[[Awakening]]

Quote:

Originally Posted by squirrelspit

We kind of give him the same food that we would eat, just with no salt or anything.

I found this made me eat a whole lot healthier! Trying to find healthy ways to make food taste yummy... like I put raisins in porridge instead of sugar - I still do because it was so yum! Also using herbs lots more instead of salt.

[Sunshine]

Lucas is 14 months and has no teeth but I have been told by my old childminder he eats better then other babies his age, he has always had finger food and lumpy food from the start so he can feed himself. It's so much easier if you put just put a peice of toast cut into soldiers or a lump of boiled potatoe or a grape (I was advised against that because of choking but it's his favourite food and he has never choked) or segments of orange. He also loves bananas he just picks it up and shoves it in. But in my option give them adult food as soon as possible so they get used to it and don't get fussy it's easier because you don't have to make 2 seperat things just mash it up abit or cut into bits so they can hold.

The only thing Lucas had trouble eatting without teeth is sandwhichs (cut into soldiers) there is too much bread and he can't chew threw it.

Sorry I've gone on and on

[Cacoethes]

Cool, thanks everyone, you've all been really helpful :)

How long can you keep pureed food in the fridge?
I don't have a freezer, but I think it would look good if I started cooking some things for jasmine some days, and I can't really do it in the morning because I already get up at 5am, and really don't fee like cooking at that time in the morning!

[squirrelspit]

i reckon if you could do it the night before.. just steam a carrot or a potato or whatever and mush it up and stick it in for the morning, i'l mean you can just buy one on your way home so it'll be fresh by the time it gets to Jasmine.


stuff like pear/avocado you can take whole and prep it whilst youre there, it just might be worth buying them 2 or 3 days in advance so they can get really ripe by the time you take them.

fromage frais/banana/rusks etc you can just take with you.

[Mrs Sam]

They say a month in the freezer for veg.

Fridge was 2 days I think.