How can I be a good, productive person if I'm mentally ill? Am I being judged by the same standards as those better and more capable than me? So much uncertainty and no real clues to find an escape. perhaps I'm just not looking in the right places?
I don't fancy you back, but the thought of you liking someone else upsets me. I'm not sure why..
“When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down ‘happy’.
They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, and I told them they didn’t understand life.”
― John Lennon
I should be glad that you just bugger off and tell me NONE of the things, because I have NONE of the time to listen. But alas, I have NONE of the relief. I just worry. I have NONE of the interest in attending your funeral.
Though by now I'm so emotionally numb, I have barely NONE of the feelings any more, so this is more of a casual woe than a srs bsns emo-fest.
I never know where I am with you. And I miss you. I have NONE of the ideas as to what to do to save this friendship.
And I appear to have used ALL of the uses of NONE now, so now I will go. Although I did just remember that I need to R/V about my gran, so I'll go do that, even though Jodieface is here, so I am showing NONE of the respect by woe-ing in her presence.
My leg is fucked. I don't know how to make myself take the anti biotics. I hate the pain but the pills aren't safe. I don't know if I am scared or excited. I just want to be normal.
The following content has been hidden - Reason : Triggering; controversial views on abortion
Y'know, I can easily say I'm one of the least judgemental people that I know. I'm usually very open, very honest, and try to help everyone. But because of my pro-life views, I just lost a lot of respect for someone I once held in a rather high regard.
Okay, I get it, things happen that you can't control, but I really just don't like abortion. I know that there are people on this forum that don't like my views, and get triggered at the thought of it. So maybe I should keep my mouth shut? I don't know. But I couldn't rant about it on my blog, I didn't feel like bumping up my journal here, and I HAD to put it somewhere.
When I'm gone, are you gonna miss me? Are you even listening? Do you even care about anything at all?
My leg is fucked. I don't know how to make myself take the anti biotics. I hate the pain but the pills aren't safe. I don't know if I am scared or excited. I just want to be normal.
I can relate lovely, I really hope you try to take the antibiotics, I know I'm a hypocrite saying this, but whatever lol, perhaps try and reward yourself if you take how many you're supposed to take in a day, or try to be logical with yourself and say you need to take the antibiotics, they are there to help you, and right now, your body needs that help?
Either way, I understand and I'm sending major hugs your way.
xxx
You can't put me in these situations and expect me to come through. You can't just drop suff in my lap and expect me to do it. When you yell at me, your voice just adds to the many that are already yelling in my head
~Matt~
Susanna Kaysen: I'm ambivalent. In fact that's my new favorite word.
Dr. Sonia Wick: Do you know what that means, ambivalence?
Susanna Kaysen: I don't care.
Dr. Sonia Wick: If it's your favorite word, I would've thought you would...
Susanna Kaysen: It *means* I don't care. That's what it means.
Yes or no? I feel like crap anyway so continuing won't make it worse.
I'm nothing to proud of mammy, nothing to love. I lie and they what you are proud of, but I think the truth would kill you or else turn you into something I can't deal with.
I appear to be expanding somewhat exponentially, please still love me?
I don't know when I got to this point.. or how.. or why.
I don't know if it'll get worse
all I know is when I was up there, I really didn't want to come back down.
Let us go then you and I, when the evening is spread out against the sky, like a patient etherized upon a table
- T.S. Elliot
Please don't leave. You're my little sister and I'm so proud of you and I hate to see you hurting so much, but I'd hate even more to know that you were all alone and hurting and I didn't know. I love having you in my life; our random chats, our plans to shut out the world and just get drunk.
Please talk to me. I want to help.
It's not too late. You can recover from this.
I love you <3
I am the architect of my own destruction.
The truth is, that i can't ever hide or truly run away from myself.
As long as I'm alive, my greatest test will be being me.
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