Struggling. Again.

[one_step_closer]

How are things today Beckie? (You don't have to reply if you don't want to).

[Cacoethes]

Thanks for asking

Things are still not good
We are all going to be moving today or tomorrow
I'm not going to the ward with the psych that made me have ECT which is good though.
But I'm also not eating, drinking or taking meds.
If dehydration doesn't kill me then maybe a seizure will
I think I had a seizure last night
I woke up to staff shining a light on me and I was on the floor
I don't know how long I had been down there
They don't do checks very often. Not as often as they're supposed to anyway. Especially not during the night.
I just feel awful in general and I want to hibernate

[Auror.]

I hope once you get to the new ward you can settle in and get some rest. At least now you know where you're going and when!

[Cacoethes]

Thank you
Yes I am glad I know when/where I'll be going now

It's madness here today. Not enough staff and too much to do.
I've been in bed all day but just got up to have a shower so at least I'm clean.

[EyelinerAndCigarettes]

Low on words but sending hugs (if you're okay with them). <3

[Cacoethes]

Thank you
Hugs are always appreciated <3

[one_step_closer]

Well done for having a shower yesterday, keep trying to do the little things. I hope the move goes well and you can find help to move through this awful time. *more hugs*

[Cacoethes]

Thank you lindsay <3

[one_step_closer]

Just wondering how you're doing since you've been quiet? It's ok not to reply.

[Cacoethes]

Thanks for asking lindsay

I'm not sure how I am
Moved wards today. New ward seems fine though I've just been in my room
Things are just hard

[Auror.]

Ironically it's probably okay to stay in your room right now! I'm glad you were able to get moved (hopefully) without too much stress. I hope they are able to help figure something out to get you home soon.

[one_step_closer]

Take some time to get used to the new ward. I hope you can settle and they can work out a way forward for you.

[Cacoethes]

Yes they recommend we stay in our rooms.
But it's like a furnace in there so I've been in the tv lounge.
Thanks camden

Thanks lindsay
I'm hoping I'll see a consultant this week so I can ask to go home

[one_step_closer]

What do you think they might say about going home? Have any of your difficult feelings changed that people have been worried about? Do you think you would be ok at home?

[Cacoethes]

I doubt they'll let me go home
The fact that I have to die hasn't changed
I don't know if it's worth lying about again because they'll be wise to that now
Though it is a new doctor so maybe not

I only got a couple of hours sleep last night so I feel awful but I can't sleep

[one_step_closer]

I don't think it's a fact that you have to die but I can understand that you feel strongly that it is. I hope that you can come to recognise that you don't need to die for anyone. Please tell the truth so that the truth can be worked with, if you lie then you won't be getting what is right for you if that makes sense.

Are you at least resting today?

[Cacoethes]

I wish I didn't have to
I've told the truth to enough people now that it would be obvious if I was lying to the doctor

Not really much else to do in here but rest tbh
I just wish I could sleep
I haven't slept for more than a few hours a night since Thursday
I don't really feel tired, just headachey and sick

[one_step_closer]

Did something change on Thursday that has affected your sleep? I guess the nurses are aware you're not sleeping, have they offered anything?

[Cacoethes]

I stopped taking my meds so I'm just not getting tired

[nonperson]

Maybe it will take time for your body to adjust.

Thinking of you. <3