It's getting worse

[Myleftfoot]

Hello everybody!
This is my first post and I must apologise in advance that English isn't my mother tongue, but hopefully you will understand everything that I am saying.

My story begins in the late 2015 during Christmas, when my ex girlfriend left me, because according to her our future won't share the same path. She dumped me for her religious reasons and even though I asked her to discuss it her answer was no. The breakup was very sudden as everything seemed to be alright during the daytime.
In the beginning of the breakup she was always there for me and I was able to talk to her about how I feel and she was able to talk to me about how she feels. Seems quite strange, but we were there for each other as we agreed to stay friends as we've shared so much and both of us had a very beautiful relationship and we both gave everything to make each other happy. The relationship we had was very beautiful, but as she found new friends she started telling me things like: "Life has different phases and back then I needed you and I don't need you anymore" and such things. By the Summer 2016 she became a completely different person and I tried to pick myself up and sure I spent the whole year in loneliness crying. I've got like no-one to talk to and I've been feeling lonely and depressed. The problem got worse when I tried to make new friends and I was constantly rejected by everyone as I don't fit in.
Anyways, long story short, I'm at the point where I have issues with sleeping, I'm often experiencing sleep paralyses and I hear voices in my head telling me to kill myself. (I don't hear it daily), but it's very disturbing when I hear it and it might last for hours. I'm trying to hold on, but now I feel more suicidal than ever and experiencing sleep paralyses and hearing voices was the last drop. I just…I just want to fix my life somehow. That's how I came across this forum, to make sure I'm not developing schizophrenia or anything like that, because I want to…I do want to live a healthy, happy life and I would like to find friends and a girlfriend someday.
When I hear voices telling me to kill myself I force myself to think that I don't know what life will be like in 10 years and this how I force myself to keep going.

As far as I've noticed and read this forum, people have gone through the same rough road as I have and people here are extremely supportive and understanding (much more than the psychologist I went to). So…How do I solve my issues?

Thank you for reading.

[Sketchy]

I'm sorry things are so difficult and I'm sorry your psychologist wasn't helpful. That doesn't mean they will all be like that, so maybe it's time to reach out for help again. It sounds like you need the support. Of course keep posting here for support too, but perhaps you need to speak to a professional.

[Myleftfoot]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sketchy

I'm sorry things are so difficult and I'm sorry your psychologist wasn't helpful. That doesn't mean they will all be like that, so maybe it's time to reach out for help again. It sounds like you need the support. Of course keep posting here for support too, but perhaps you need to speak to a professional.

Thank you for your kind reply Sketchy. I kinda live in a small place so there's not much help available.
As I stumbled across this forum, I read several posts by people who have been going through the same path and the members seemed intelligent and understanding, so I really think that as for now this forum is the best place to get help for me as for now.

I've been just quite worried and I've realised that something is wrong and I need to look for help.

[Sketchy]

I hope you find this forum helpful. It's certainly helped me a lot.

In the U.K. we have the samaritans which is a phone line for people who are struggling where they can talk to someone confidentially. Do you have something like that?

[Myleftfoot]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sketchy

I hope you find this forum helpful. It's certainly helped me a lot.

In the U.K. we have the samaritans which is a phone line for people who are struggling where they can talk to someone confidentially. Do you have something like that?

Yes, we do have, but the last time (in 2016) it was no help either and I'd prefer anonymous writing over talking, since I feel more safe this way for some reason.

Have you ever been through anything like that?

[Sketchy]

I suffer from mental illness and have had suicidal thoughts, so I can relate to how distressing this is. I had to get professional help, but I understand if that's not possible just now.

I find posting here helpful. I hope you benefit from posting here. You are never alone here.