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My experience going back on meds
I have been on prozac (fluoxetine) since April. Low dose. I was incredibly resistant to going on medication. As long as I can remember, I have been living with my symptoms. I always thought I could manage without meds. People I've loved and looked up to have told me to never go on meds. They told me it means there is something wrong with me. They said only weak people need medication to get through their days. I know all of that is wrong, but that's part of why going back on medication was such a struggle. I cried when I finally told my doctor that I wanted to do it. I was a mess the first two weeks.
But the medication has helped, you guys.. I know there is still a lot of room for improvement. But I have to say that after about a month and a half on this stuff my quality of life is better. My day to day anxiety is way less. And even though I am still dealing with depression, dysthymia, and social anxiety...it's not as overwhelming.
I guess I am wondering where I go from here, though. I know I haven't been taking this very long. I'm also in therapy every week trying to chip away at my social anxiety (it's taken over a decade before I've even felt comfortable enough to start that process). I'm wondering if I'll always need to stay on meds or if maybe I can come off of them in the future. Maybe it's not something to worry about now?
And then I also worry about telling the people in my life. The only ones who know about my decision to go on medication (other than my doctor and therapist) are my husband and my best friend, both of whom are supportive. I cannot safely tell any of my family members, and I would feel very strange telling anyone else, even other friends. Like so many other parts of me, I feel like I have to keep it hidden. I can't be the only one, right?
I feel so relieved to be able to talk about this here. Thank you for reading.
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