hey everyone, i wrote this report on veiws of my own and other people, i would really like to know what you think of it, and i'm also hoping that it could maybe help a few people. please feel free to leave comments
What is self-harm?
Self-harm is caused by trauma in someone’s life, my experience of it is that it is away to release built up emotions caused by a traumatic event in one’s life. It is about trying to create some kind of feeling, trying to fill up some kind of missing space, by causing pain to one’s self.
There are many reasons why people start self harm, but people need to understand that self harm isn’t the problem, that there is some underlying problem, causing this reaction. It is a coping mechanism, that helps keep the built up emotions at bay, without this some people may become so emotionally stressed that could lead to someone wanting to commit suicide.
What causes self-harm?
I believe that self-harm can be caused by many different things, but something has to happen in one’s life for them to start it. What ever trauma has happened to them, causes them to feel alone and isolated, and it can also make them blame themselves for what has happened to them and so they feel the need to punish themselves. This is a very private process and so not many people will ever know someone that self harms. The release of his or her emotions can be a very helpful thing and so self-harm can become habitual, making it hard for someone who has started it, to stop it.
Different forms of self-harm
There are many different forms of self-harm. Some of them are more socially accepted than others. It can be something as simple as binge drinking or smoking, to becoming something so extreme to cutting yourself.
Sometimes people can use different techniques for different emotions. Something like cutting yourself I see as people trying to release upset emotions, whereas I see something like burning yourself to be trying to release anger.
Some people don’t even realise that they self-harm, I would definitely say that smoking is a form of self-harm. When you smoke you are trying to release stress, stress is caused by built up emotion of some sort, and when you smoke you are poisoning your lungs, so you are doing damage to yourself, and in the long run harming yourself. When most people binge drink, it is usually because of something that has happened to them to make them feel so depressed and feel the need to drink a lot to try and forget, and mask their emotions. I see binge drinking as self-harming, because it may seem harmless, but you can end up damaging your liver, which again is harming yourself, just to forget about something.
When people think of the word self harm they automatically think that someone is a "cutter." This is the most recognised form of self-harm and is one of the most socially unaccepted. This is better known as self-mutilation, because you are deliberately cutting yourself, to feel pain, a feeling that so many people try and avoid and so not many people understand why someone would want to do this. They think that if pain caused them to resort to this, then why would they deliberately make themselves feel even more pain? There is not an easy answer for this, but I would say that it is because, once they have been through a traumatic experience, the pain can become the only thing that feels real to them, it is known and could possible be the only thing they think is known in their life at the time, and so causing pain to one’s self makes them feel more real, and they think of it as a way, that at least they are feeling something, something that is well known to them, and sometimes they see it as the only way to release their emotions.
I also see self-harm as a way of creating wounds on the outside to represent the ones that are hidden deep inside, because when you have all these emotions built up and all these feelings all over the place, this can be very confusing, and so it is simplified by making the wound on the outside because that way you can see your pain and so it makes things a bit clearer sometimes.
How can you stop self-harming?
The only way that someone can stop self-harming, is if they start to deal with the underlying problem. There is no point focusing on just trying to make someone stop, you have to find out what caused them to resort to such actions. This may mean that the person will need to go to some sort of counselling, to help them learn how to let go of the pain, to help them realise that there is actually more in their life than the pain they feel. This may be a long process, and could be a short process; it really depends on what the underlying problem is.
Just because someone self-harms doesn’t make them weak, in fact I see it as they have more strength than most people, because at least they are dealing with their emotions, maybe in an obscene way, but that is more that what most people can say. The worst thing someone can do is make a person stop self-harming when they are clearly not ready to give it up, this can be very damaging for the person, as the emotions that need released, are being released, and become so built up, that it can soon lead to them wanting to end their life.
To stop self-harming at first you need some kind of distraction, like cleaning can be very helpful, even if it means tidying up your house at early hours of the morning, I can be very therapeutic, because as you are cleaning your house, at the same time you are cleaning yourself, it may not seem like it, but you are. I found that music can be a great help as a replacement of self-harming, it may not work for everybody, but what I have done is created a big play list of music, starting with very emotional songs to begin with, slowly changing to neutral songs, to finally ending with strong, inspirational songs. If you are good at really listening to music, hearing the lyrics and feeling whatever the person is feeling while singing, then this may very well help, as it causes some kind of transition. You feel emotional, with the emotional songs, then angry with the angry ones, then when the songs start calming down, you do also, and when it gets to the songs where they are inspirational and strong, it makes you feel stronger inside. So this way you have felt the emotions you would normally release during self-harm, you have dealt with them, and you are left feeling stronger, with no scars to make you feel ashamed.
What is the link between self-harm and suicide?
A lot of people think that people who self-harm are suicidal. I don’t think this statement is true, as I don’t see it as a way of trying to commit suicide, I see it as a way as trying to stop it getting to that point. Before I have mentioned about self-harm being a way of people trying to release blocked up emotions, I believe that if these blocked up emotions weren’t released, then they would build up so much to a point where one can no longer deal with them, and then eventually lead to suicide. So it is a coping mechanism for people to find an alternate to suicide, they aren’t trying to end there lives, they are doing the opposite, they are causing pain to themselves to let them know that they are alive. Sometimes this is not the case and the person is trying to commit suicide, but this is very rare and in the end it all comes down to their intentions.
One of the most puzzling forms of self-harm is when a person keeps taking an overdose to harm themselves. This could be a form of trying to end their life, but then it can also be seen as a way of crying for help, because they know that they will probably be taken into hospital and will receive the help they need. Someone’s intentions of self-harm could be a cry for help a lot of the time, I could be their way of saying to someone, that they can’t deal with anything anymore, and so they self-harm in such a way, that causes them to be hospitalised, and they sometimes see this as the only way to make people realise that they do need help, that they do want to live, but just not the way they are living at the time.
Self-harm isn’t always a cry for help, because especially with cutting, after they have cut themselves they make sure they hide it, they don’t usually want anyone to know about it. This could be because they are ashamed of what they have done, and feel embarrassed to tell someone, but it could also be because they just generally don’t want any help that they see nothing wrong with what they are doing, they see it helps them, and sometimes they think it’s the only thing that will help. So I see the line between self-harm and suicide a very long one, I don’t think the two of them should necessarily be related in anyway.
Why is self-harm more common now than it has ever been?
There can be a lot of reasons for this. Some people say it is caused by the media’s influence. People say that the media is becoming more violent and that is causing people to become more violent towards other people and themselves. Other people say that it has become some kind of phase for people, that it has become a trend, once one person hears that another person is doing it and hears that it helps, then they think it might help them.
Another possibility is, when you look at society now compared to say thirty – forty years ago. There is a lot that has changed. The way a community is now, is nothing compared to then. The sense of community has totally disappeared, hardly anyone knows who lives in the same street as them and some don’t even know who lives next-door to them. This can cause a lot of people to feel isolated and can therefore lead to them self-harming. Another change in society now, is how open people are about who they are, I get the feeling that back then people know each other but didn’t really now each other, there was a lot of things about one’s identity that were taboo subjects at the time and so people tried their best to keep that part about them hidden. Whereas now people are more open about their identity, and this is causing a lot of conflict because even although people are happy to be open about themselves, they aren’t always so open about how other people are. Also nowadays people feel the need to categorise themselves, they feel the need to belong to some kind of group, by the way someone dresses, or the way they live their life, people think that people should be labelled. This is a problem because most of the different groups, don’t like the other one and so causing conflict between people and sometimes people become socially isolated just because they are different from other people, or because they wear different types of clothes. Instead of some people being omitted from certain groups, they try to change who they are, just so they feel they belong, and so they cause a battle within themselves and can usually feel quite depressed about this, even if they don’t show it when they are with their group, when they are on their own they will just keep wishing that they could just be themselves and this can lead to self-harm because of the conflict they are having with themselves and because of the emotions it creates within them.
One of the most common reasons I think is, that there is also a lot more family breakdowns now than there was then, a lot more people get divorced sooner, there is more frequent break-ups of relationships than there was, a lot of families have split up, family just doesn’t have the same meaning to it now than it did. This can be causing a lot of people to self-harm because with a family breakdown there is always the creation in one’s life of something missing, that something they should be feeling isn’t there and so this can cause a person to self-harm, just to feel something, to replace the emptiness they feel.
The links between self-harm and mental health
There is a lot of stigma where self-harm is concerned, one of the main ones is that people think someone who self-harms is mentally ill. This isn’t always the case, I mean people who self-harm can have mental ill problems as well but I don’t think that someone has to have mental health problems to self-harm. As I have mentioned before, self-harm isn’t the problem, there is usually an underlying problem causing the reaction and so a person who self-harms should get counselling, but not for the self-harm or because they have a mental illness, they just need to get some sort of counselling to help them with their underlying problem, they just need someone who won’t judge them for it, because they probably feel ashamed enough and don’t need more shame on top of that, because it will just make them feel worst. The just need someone who will listen to them and understand and help them with what they are going through. I don’t think doctors should send people to see a psychiatrist just because they self-harm, a doctor should refer to some kind of organisation that deals with self-harm, or somewhere that deals with what their underlying problem is.
Places of support
There are places where you can get support if you self-harm, or even just someone to talk to and get advice. There are a few internet sites that have information and that also offer support, one of the mains ones I have heard of is RYL (Recover Your Life), this site offers online support, information about self-harm and also there is chat room where you can talk to other people with the experience of self-harm, and realise that you aren’t alone.
There are also support groups especially for self-harm, some of them offer one-to-one support and others offer group support. I have been to one of them called The Edinburgh Self-Harm Project; this is part of Penumbra an organisation for mental health. The ESHP is a place you can get support for self-harm; they offer one-to-one support and occasionally have some group activities. They offer support with your self-harm, and they also offer support to find out the problem causing you to self-harm. You are given one worker who offers support meetings however frequent you need it, but is usually once a week. The one-to-one room is a very comfortable environment, which I think is very important, as it helps the person to relax and makes it easier for them to talk about difficult subjects in their live. The workers are very non-judgemental and are easy to get along with, they are always there to listen to you and they are very understanding, and have very good advice to give you to help you overcome as much as you can and to eventually lead to that place in your mind where you no longer need self-harm in your life.
There a lot more places that can help with self-harm and probably the best place to go to find out information about them is your doctor. The important thing to remember is that even although these places are there to help and support you, that they can’t do all the work, they can only put you on the right track, and the rest of the work you have to do yourself. You should only go to find some kind of support, if you are sure you want it, if you want to be in that place where you no longer need to self-harm, you need to make sure that you are ready to start dealing with some issues that may be very painful for you to drag up, you have to be open to the support, and have to be ready to advice they give you, because if you don’t you won’t be able to move from the place you are in, moving into the unknown can be very scary and you can feel apprehensive about it, but it can be a good thing, moving on is always a good thing in one’s life, because with every end there is always a new beginning and if you think the new beginning is going to be a bad one also, you need to take the risk to find out, because it could be a good beginning, if you get to the point where you stop self-harming then you have already gotten a lot stronger, because it takes a lot of strength and willpower to stop, and believe me you will feel pleased with yourself when you do.
