Contains sexual abuse - I found my abuser on fb

[not_so_insig]

Someone tell me it's not a good idea to contact him.

One of my abusers is on facebook. The guy SA me during my teens, concurrently with another (they didnt know each other, it was just an nasty coincidence). That combined with my other abuser ruined my life.

I really want to get in touch with him, to tell him how he ruined my life. How I started SIing, and I suffered with flashbacks years later. How he bullied and r*ped me.

But the scary thing is he now has at least one kiddie. There's pictures of kiddies on his facebook account, and one who has her own account has referred him as "dad". How the **** do I know that he isnt abusing her? When I had SA counselling I actually said to my counsellor that I didnt know either way that either of my abusers had kiddies, now I know for sure.

He has also put (on a public post) the name of the village he lives at. So by looking at the electoral register I could find out his address and write to him.

I dont know what I want to achieve from this, knowing what a manipulative sod he is that he wont apologise for what he has done. I just want him to suffer for what he did. He ruined a part of my life which I will never get back. I know that if he did get a fb message from me that he would probably report to fb and I could lose my account. Which would suck.

So yep. I am shaking here. Idk what I want from this, other than to vent.

[Snow White.]

I understand the desire to let your abuser know how they hurt you so you want them to suffer. I really do. But this man has already proved himself as a callous human being. Will he really show remorse or even feel it? Chancing this is a huge risk for retraumatising you more than just finding his name.

When I had this urge I started writing in my rant thread things I would want to say to him so that expression helped. As long as you can be sure you won't send it off to him.

My point of view is you might benefit from blocking his profile so you can't check it frequently. You don't want to give him more control over you. You are in control now xxx

[ajrocks]

Hiya I can understand how you feel to an extent as I found someone from my past who hurt me too.It was when I was in a unit a long time ago and when the staff found out they discharged this person straight away-I felt immense guilt for a very long time a social worker had to come see me etc etc and it just made me feel like it was all my fault.
I started having flashbacks from these times a couple years ago as I'd blocked it out which is what i usually do,anyways i found this person on Fb too and I did message them-they never replied.
I went up to the unit to visit my old psych nurse to ask her questions that i needed the answers to from that time she answered and told me that none of that was my fault that what had happened was the final straw and it wasn't my fault they got discharged and i should not contact this person because it would be very bad for me-my nurse never told me what to do she always would guide me in choices but never say you should not do this and for her to do that I realised their was a lot more to the story then i would ever know and I should take heed of her words and I did so I've blocked them and don't ever plan on unblocking.
I really know how hard it is but I would strongly suggest you did the same as I don't think any good can come of this, a person who did those things are manipulative and not right and I really don't think you need anymore trauma.hope that helps x

[not_so_insig]

Thanks you two.

I have decided to take your advice Snow White and write on my rant thread. That way I can get it all out without worrying about getting into sh*t. I very much doubt that he will ever apologise and that he will try and manipulate me.

I am having flashbacks though because of what he's done. I am not sleeping so good. I know that they will stop soon. Just got to ride through it.

[shrimpy]

I'd agree that sharing how these experiences still affect you, would only gratify the man with the thought that he doesn;t even need to see you in order to be having an impact on your life. It's possibly something he'd be twistedly happy to hear.

The best thing you can do for yourself is to get help to deal with it and move on and rebuild your life. That would be of a finger up to him than anything you could say about your feelings and such, becuase it would take away his influence over your life.

Shrimpy.

[not_so_insig]

Quote:

Originally Posted by shrimpy

I'd agree that sharing how these experiences still affect you, would only gratify the man with the thought that he doesn;t even need to see you in order to be having an impact on your life. It's possibly something he'd be twistedly happy to hear.

The best thing you can do for yourself is to get help to deal with it and move on and rebuild your life. That would be of a finger up to him than anything you could say about your feelings and such, becuase it would take away his influence over your life.

Shrimpy.

Thanks Shrimpy. I have had SA counselling though when I left it was always left so that I could come back again. So all I have to do is phone them up again to get onto the waiting list.

I was rebuilding my life and rarely got flashbacks until I found him. I havent contacted him and I doubt I will. It will turn up too bad memories and I dont need that. I am probably going to write on my rant thread at some point. The only thing is that we have joined the same group on fb so there's always a chance that we will see each other's posts though I have never seen any posts from him (and I rarely posts on there so I doubt he's ever noticed me as it's quite big).