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Old 09-09-2019, 12:53 PM   #1041
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As someone who has similar difficulties to you what has been said may be difficult to hear right now... however they are really wise and valid responses maybe in your ward round you could ask for maybe some DBT therapy it has helped me immensley and certain modules like distress tolerance and interpersonal effectivness will be useful for anyone but from the sounds of your replies may help you aswell

if people didnt care they just wouldnt respond on here but if you feel this thread isnt what you need right now maybe just venting might be more benefical

good luck in your recovery it is a painful road but can lead to some beautiful times

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Old 09-09-2019, 12:55 PM   #1042
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Can you identify specific ways the psychologist has let you down this week? I'm just thinking that if you can it might be easier to explain to her (or your consultant or other members of staff) why it is you feel so bad about it all, so that things can be approached in a way that's more constructive for you. You mentioned that they pushed for today's appointment - could you look at that as evidence that they do want to spend time helping you?

I hope today goes ok for you.





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Old 09-09-2019, 01:03 PM   #1043
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Have you been really clear with the staff about how you're feeling? Maybe they don't realise you feel like you need more support and if you were honest you could have a discussion to try and find a balance.





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Old 09-09-2019, 01:23 PM   #1044
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Thank you both for your replies.

She was meant to come to my ward review and she didn't turn up. She was meant to bring me an appt card and didn't. The Drs and psychologist may want to help me but generally by the staff and OTs they don't care and I'm never a priority in always last for everything they give people a lot more support than what I'm getting. My advocate explained in my last review that I felt I wasn't getting enough input from psychology team or from OTs and staff on the ward so people are aware.

I had a brief one to one with a student nurse last night and explained all this to her. She wanted to pass it on but I told her not to.

My psychologist knocked on my door a few times and then went because I didn't answer. Usually she would get staff to let her in but she didn't this time. I was crying at the time. I don't know how I feel right now. I'm kind of relieved because I can't face her atm and don't want to talk to her after finding out the kind of support she's giving other patients but also feel sad because she's obviously given up on me like everyone always does.

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Old 09-09-2019, 01:59 PM   #1045
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I can understand being disappointed she wasn't at your ward review. Unfortunately these things can happen in professionals' working lives. Are there ways you could express that hurt to her, rather than ignore her?

I'm glad you got to speak to the student nurse, it sounds like that was a positive thing. Is there a reason you didn't want her to pass on your concerns?

I imagine it's quite difficult for your psychologist to know that you're hurt when she has made the effort to come and see you and you didn't respond - do you think that might be confusing for her? It's possible that by going away she was doing her best to take her cues from you and not interact with someone who didn't appear to want to see her.





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Old 09-09-2019, 02:12 PM   #1046
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It isn't just about that. It's that she gives more time to other people. I'm suffering just as much. It's not fair. She makes out she's busy all the time but she's prioritising people and I see that as favouritism.

I didn't want anythung getting back to the psychologist.

Maybe but I'm upset and hurt and I can't help those feelings right now.

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Old 09-09-2019, 02:43 PM   #1047
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You said she knocked on your door to see you. That shows she was offering her time to you. I understand you were crying, but not opening the door to her was still a choice that you did make, even though it didn't seem like a choice at the time. Inaction is still a choice, unfortunately.

If you want to talk to her still, what about approaching staff and explaining what happened and asking if the psychologist has any other time today/this week?

You're right you can't help how you feel. But by not letting anyone know how you feel, staff and the psychologist can't help you with those feelings. They're trained to help you deal with your feelings. But they can't if they don't know what they are.

Maybe you can also remember in the future if the psychologist comes that you have to open your door to her if you want a chance to see her?



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Old 09-09-2019, 02:59 PM   #1048
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I didn't actually want to see her hence cancelling and not opening the door when she knocked. I'm just sad it's come to this as I used to trust her with my whole life and I have a very good history with her. Oh well maybe I don't even need psychology.

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Old 09-09-2019, 03:06 PM   #1049
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Okay, so you don't want to see her. But that doesn't seem to indicate that she doesn't care. Can you understand that those two things are separate?



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Old 09-09-2019, 03:07 PM   #1050
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Clearly you haven't read the last few pages of my thread.

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Old 09-09-2019, 03:10 PM   #1051
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I've read the rest of your thread.

The psychologist came to knock on my door to see me. She offered her time to me, indicating she cares.

I don't want to see the psychologist. I didn't open my door.

Can you see how those are separate things?

If not, and I've misunderstood, can you please explain how those are the same thing?



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Old 09-09-2019, 03:22 PM   #1052
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From an outsider's perspective, it looks like you're feeling a strong need to push people away, especially when you've recently felt supported by, or close to them. I get the feeling that part of you might want to talk to the psychologist because part (even if it's a very small part) can sense that she does care and might actually really be able to help you. But another part seems really scared by that, what it might feel like to open that door and let somebody in and feel so vulnerable. It sounds really awful to be stuck with it all and so lonely.

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Old 09-09-2019, 03:27 PM   #1053
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I'm not sure that's right Soft Kitty, I feel really hurt by her hence not feeling able to see her atm. But yes there is an element of vulnerability involved which does scare me and I hate confrontation. Thanks, yes it is a difficult situation for me. I don't know what's different this time though cause normally she would get staff to let her in my room but she didn't this time even though I was crying and had been crying for a while and that makes me feel even more like she doesn't care.

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Old 09-09-2019, 04:39 PM   #1054
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So if staff break into your room, that means they care about you? Have you explained that to them?



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Old 09-09-2019, 04:39 PM   #1055
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She might have been trying to respect your wishes since you already feel like she betrayed you before. Forcing her way into your room after you decided not to open the door could have been seen as another betrayal.





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Old 09-09-2019, 04:48 PM   #1056
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I'm curious about how you know she's giving more time to other people.

I only ask because there are kind of two options. One, she isn't actually giving them more time, it just feels that way. Or, two, she is giving more time to other people, in which case it may be worth thinking about why that might be. It's possible that other people's clinical need is greater, or that she to put her limited resources towards people who show a willingness to talk to her.

I can see why all of that would hurt, but none of it means you don't matter and she doesn't care.





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Old 09-09-2019, 04:55 PM   #1057
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Because I was told that by another patient who has told me what the psychologist has been doing for her. I think wanting to kill yourself actively with a plan amongst other things like a fiery, having no one to talk to on the ward, hearing voices etc is about as bad as it gets so it surely isn't to do with clinical need.

I'm pretty sure she is done caring about me.

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Old 09-09-2019, 05:03 PM   #1058
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How can the psychologist do anything for you if you refuse to see her, and won't tell anyone about being suicidal, having a plan, hearing voices, etc.? I thought you were done with psychology and didn't want to see her anyways. That's what you said a few hours ago.

This sounds pretty important to you. Perhaps if you want to feel like staff care about you, you have to show some willingness and openness to them as well. Staying behind a closed door in your room (regardless of reasons like crying) doesn't show that you care about them or are willing to work with them. It might also involve challenging your thoughts and feelings with evidence from the situation.

"I'm pretty sure she is done caring about me," is how it feels to you and is making an assumption. That's not a factual statement. In order to actually turn that into a factual statement, you'd need to ask the psychologist if they care about you. Have you tried doing that?

Similarly, to turn it around on you. You've said you want to talk about things and you want support. But your previous actions towards staff indicate that you don't. So now staff might be making an assumption that you don't want to talk to them and that you want to be left alone. In order to challenge that and to show them that is not factual, you have to give them evidence. What evidence can you provide to staff to show that you want to talk to them?



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Old 09-09-2019, 05:28 PM   #1059
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I'm not even going to bother replying to you anymore. I'll talk to those who actually have some understanding and might actually want to support me instead.

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Old 09-09-2019, 05:36 PM   #1060
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When I'm afraid my therapist or other treatment providers are mad at me or doesn't care about a situation, I tell them and I ask them if they are mad or if they care. Usually it turns out my assumption is wrong. We talk about it and we work through it so I understand that my emotions were misleading me. It's been really helpful to actually address things as they come up instead of keep them to myself.

I've definitely been in similar situations to you and dealt with a lot of similar fears. The only way to work on them is to challenge them. But that has to come from you. If you aren't willing or able to do that, then taking a step back and working on some acceptance of where you are currently and your current situation might serve you better. It might help you reflect on what steps you might be able to take when you feel more willing.

I don't get the sense that you're willing to change much at all. Unfortunately, your situation won't likely change until you do. I'd really encourage you to reflect on that and why that is, instead of ignoring anyone who doesn't automatically agree with you.

My best friends challenge and disagree with me ALL the time. You can literally see it on my recent thread. Caring about people doesn't mean automatic agreement. Caring about people means telling them when things aren't okay and challenging them to have a different look at things. I know that from an inside perspective it's difficult to see when you might be reacting on feelings instead of facts. That's why it's often very helpful to try take on advice from an outside perspective who aren't as impacted by emotions.



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